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ArcticFox
member
Thoughts on more kids
ArcticFox
member
DH has always been set on 2 kids.. like 1-1 parent-child ratio, not having to get a minivan or having to get rid of our guest room.
Recently I have been doubting just having 2. In Sept, my DD goes to kindergarden, and my younger will be going to preschool. In the past, when my 2nd baby was born, I was on my own watching the kids 24/7 (not in preschool yet). And then DH has been pushing super hard about going to a family reunion, I have met maybe a half dozen people from his family and we don't keep in touch with any of them, maybe speak 1x a year other than his dad. So it made me think, if that's so important to him, why not have another kid? And then lastly, a local kindergardener passed away from a brain tumor, it just really hit home, for some reason it just makes me want another baby. I have barely any family - my parents and grandparents passed away, it's just my aunt and uncle. DH and I are both only children.
I don't know what to think.. we have very limited savings, but we paid off our home. I want to be able to provide for my kids very well (college, opportunities, etc), so I had gotten rid of the notion of baby #3. I just feel like I changed my mind and I would be well equipped to handle a third considering the kids being further spaced/in school in the fall. Any thoughts? I know it is all personal opinion but I'd love any thoughts, especially if you don't have much family.
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Re: Thoughts on more kids
We have recently decided to TTC for a third child. I have wanted to have three children for awhile but DH just got on board. What it came down to was that he admitted that he would never be upset having a third but I would probably forever be upset that we didn't try for a third. He also said he would be fine with an "oops" but didn't want to deliberately try for a third. To me, that just didn't make sense so we discussed it an he eventually agreed with me that a third would be a great addition to our family. Now, he is 100% on board and looks forward to having a third little girl (a boy would also be awesome but we think we make girls from our track record, lol).
He had very good reasons for having only 2 children. We would definitely be better off financially. We would also start to be able to do a lot more adult activities sooner rather than later. Our girls get along great and seem thrilled to be together. That said, we are able to support three children. It just means that our lifestyle will be a bit different - not as extravagant vacations, not as nice cars, etc.
I really, really wanted a third child for a lot of the same reasons you have stated. My family is small and spread out. I would love my children to have a bigger family than I had. Also, I know someone who lost a child recently and it made me want another child even more for some reason.
I wish you and your husband the best in deciding. It is a complicated decision to make which has many factors.
3 is the perfect number for us. I adore DS2 and would never regret him. Ours are closer together and it has been somewhat hard financially esp in the summer when we have all 3 in childcare. We have a 3BR home and the boys share a room. The boys sharing a room isn't a huge issue. This is NOT our forever home (I hope not), we are already growing out of it. Is your home your forever home? We did need a larger vehicle. Yes, you can fit three across in some vehicles but we have started the phase of bringing friends along....we can't even think of college right now but have 401k and the grandparents contribute (nicely) to a savings plan for the kids.
We don't have a lot of family but that's not why we had three...
I can tell you I went through a very tough "I want #4 phase" when DS2 turned 1. I had several friends having squishy newborns. It was quickly lived and now I am back to the point where I CANNOT WAIT to have all 3 PTed, all on regular cups, etc...So find out if its a phase maybe?!? I can tell you there have been times i have been jealous of my friends with 2 because their lives got sooo much easier and mine was a juggle...with a NB, infant and now a toddler. Poor #3 is dragged everywhere since my kids are in activities, school, etc..
I can go on and on forever...here's my long arse post I kept building on about having 3:
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/61909254.aspx
I always wanted 3 kids. After having my second things were difficult for a while because he was such a needy infant. I was positive after that that there was no way I was having a third baby. DH was fine with it because he always wanted 2 kids, and we had a boy and a girl.
When DS was about 6 months old I started to think about a third baby again. DH is on board with whatever I want to do. I struggle with it, though. Sometimes it's really nice to have two and each of us can pay attention to one at a time, and we're not outnumbered. I also love the idea of being able to give them more if there are just two. And another thing I think about is that it's kind of nice to have one of each, and if we had a third one of them would be left out kind of. They get along so great right now. I know it could change, but they really do love each other now.
I always tell DH that I can think of a million reasons not to have another baby, but really the only reason to have another is just to have another. I could seriously go on forever about this. I'm just happy to know I'm not the only one debating a third baby. I think about it every single day, and I always get so jealous of people who know for sure how many kids they want.
Good luck with your decision!
this.
The first few sentences you wrote sound exactly like me. With DD1 enrolling in kindergarten, I think maybe I got a dose of early Empty Nest Syndrome (heehee) and started thinking maybe we DO have room for another one, and how fun it would be for the girls to have a sibling. Lots of our friends/family are having 3rd babies now, and I don't think that helped my baby fever, either. I obsessed over it for a couple of weeks and finally brought it up to DH.
My DH, like yours, is happy with two. He said that, in all honesty, he can't think of any benefits to having another baby--only drawbacks (less time, less money, less patience, less room in the house, needing to buy a new car...). When people ask if we're going to have any more, the question is barely out of their mouths before he says, "No!" He is done. He ADORES the girls and loves (as I do) that they're getting older now and we have more flexibility to go places and do things without being exhausted from sleepless nights, worried about missing naps/bedtime, carrying around a diaper bag and gear, etc.
I think I'll always wonder if we should've had another baby, but I don't think we will. The last thing I'd want is to talk DH into it--having a newborn is hard, and I'm sure having 3 kids to juggle is no cake walk, even when you're 100% sure you want it. If he changed his mind in the next year or two, I'd probably be happy to do it all over again (I loved being pregnant and am so sad that I probably won't ever have another pregnancy, either)...but I doubt that's going to happen. I guess the bottom line is that we're both really happy where we are right now, but it's in DH's nature to be content and leave that alone; it's in my nature to want to mess with it, add more to my plate, and see if I can handle it!
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I think this is wise.
I agree with this. Every time I hear of a child's demise I have an overwhelming urge to throw my pills in the trash and put those ovaries back into action. It's understandable but it's best to think about what your life means with 3 versus 2. A third child should not just serve as insurance in the event of demise of another child. Also, it's best to come from that place versus a place of utter irrational panic to talk to your DH about whether he wants another baby or not.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
I could have written this. This is exactly how I feel. But, goodness I just have this nagging feeling someone is missing. I envy those who know they are done.
This was my.....even down to the 3 girls
And DH and I, of course, are SO in love with our third. She is the perfect addition to our family. And now I KNOW I am done.
But I agree with the others....wait it out. See if it is a phase before you make any decisions.
My husband wants more kids while I would rather have 15 root canals every day for the rest of my life before I go through everything I have gone through ever again. I will not tie my tubes though or DH get the snip until we both we feel at peace. I figure I would want the same respect if it were me wanting more kids. I know I will not change my mind but, I realize he needs to be at peace.
Financially things change so much in life, it hasn't been a big consideration for us when considering children. We were doing great until we got pregnant with Harmon and than we did disastrously. By the time the twins came we were really doing great again. I'm glad we didn't put having #2 off.
If he is against another child, I would let him know this is something you want him to consider right now (he doesn't have to decide right away, just consider). Than start talking about it. Hopefully either you can find a little peace with the idea of only two or he will change his mind in time in time.