Please help with bedtime routine for 20m old who does not want to go to sleep!
3003girl
member
Ok, my 20 month old does not want to go to bed. I need to find a bedtime routine that will calm her down, get her to stop moving, and relax. Any suggestions?
We were doing videos before nursing, but now the videos don't seem to relax her. Books don't really work because she gets excited and distracted reading them. We stopped doing bath time before bed because that would also get her more excited.
It also seems like if she catches onto a bedtime routine she revolts against it. I was doing a rocking/ nursing session, but now she fights it. What has happened the last few nights is we do potty, then diaper. Then potty and diaper again. 
then rock and nurse, but she wants to do potty again, or get up, so I tell her it's bedtime a nd she can either rock or lay down. She fights to get down, I hold her, she cries and screams, then wants to lay down. Then she will try to get up and I will tell her she can rock or lay down, and finally I get her to either rock and nurse or lay down and nurse and after fidgeting for a while she falls asleep. Sometimes it's quicker, sometimes longer.
Any advice? She really fights it - to the point where she will be on the brink of falling asleep and then pop up and start to name all her body parts, or clap or do something else that pops into her mind. It seems really hard for her to let go, relax and go to sleep.
Re: Please help with bedtime routine for 20m old who does not want to go to sleep!
I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this. We just got over some major sleep issues here (14 months old). DS has never done reading either (he just plays while we read so it revs him up) and any kind of tv or videos get him going too.
A warm bath with massage helps, and then I turn down/ off the lights in his room. I use a quiet voice and will sometimes sing very softly for him, or tell him "stories" in a quiet voice for a few minutes to sort of set the sleepy mood.
Once he's pretty calm I use the same phrase every night to signal bed time, then walk out. I read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" and roughly adhered to that. Say the bed time phrase, walk out. If ds starts crying, walk back in and try again. And again. And again. He got it eventually and now knows that whether he fights it or not, it's bed time and he gives in.
Good luck!
DS was similar when he was younger. Always on the go, and had a hard time calming down. He rarely naps now.
The only thing that helped him was to have a strict routine that never changed. There is no negotiation. There are no extra potty breaks or choices (besides what book to read). It sounds harsh, but this has helped him so much. He knows what to expect. The excitement of what might happen has been removed. He can start calming down on step 2 of the routine, because it is a cue that step 3,4, and then bed are coming up.
ETA: if your LO starts to "revolt" against a routine, it's probably a sign that it is working. She has caught on that bedtime is imminent.
1) start turning lights and sounds down at least an hour, if not two, before bedtime
2) keep yourselves calm and unhurried, even if you find yourselves running late.
3) pick a routine and stick with it for the long haul - at least two months - so she has time to fight it and learn that nothing will change even if she fights it
4) work with her to figure out what helps her calm down best
DD has never been a good sleeper and fits sleep any and every chance she gets. We used to have to break out all the five S's (swaddled until 9 months for bedtime and 11 months for naps, shhshh'ed during the whole routine, sucking on one of our fingers until she was out of the swaddle, held sideways, bouncing on a ball, often for over an hour). We eventually moved to nursing her and laying next to her in bed. She still sometimes takes an hour to fall asleep. But through repeated, calm, boring, she learned that she had to stay in bed, laying down.
These days, we have dinner, take a walk, get home and brush teeth, change. Then we get into bed and read her a book (from memory, in the dark). I stay in bed with her until she falls asleep. Sometimes I have to leave for a minute or two if she is just playing. I know it will change again at some point, but that's it for now.
Good luck. It's hard! You will get through it!
Ugh, she sounds like my younger son! He goes through phases were it's really hard to get him to chill out for bed. We have a casual routine where the lights get dimmed everywhere in our apartment, and we make sure DS1 is either playing something quiet, or listening to books with DS2. We basically do dinner, jammies, reading, bedtime, and he does seem to be getting better. Oh, I also make a big show of saying "good night" to everyone and everything - dad, his brother, the cat, various rooms, etc. etc. He really likes that part, and walks into the bedroom by himself.
Have you played bedtime with animals or dolls? She might respond to that. And the book "Sleepless in America" doesn't have specifics, but it might be a good read, too.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I think I'm going to take the next week to figure out a good routine, and then just stick with it. argh.
Any other suggestions on books? I read Sleepless in America, but that's the only sleep book I have really read. What about the Ferber book? would it be worth it? And the the Sleep Lady Shuffle a book or does it come from a book?
This is the site I went off for the Shuffle - this link is a quick overview and at the bottom are links to more detailed instructions for each step. It worked quickly for us the first time around. She had just weaned around 15/16 months and no longer nursed to sleep so that's what we started with.
https://www.parentsconnect.com/parenting-your-kids/kids-sleeping/good-night-sleep-lady-shuffle.html
Oh thank you so much for this video suggestion! I have been looking for a short nighttime video. We have the Winnie the pooh movie so we have been watching just short clips of it at night to calm her down, but I love the idea of the pig going to bed. The last few nights have been better, although I think she has been really tired.