If you have had an abortion, please come in....

twokidsmom · February 2012

I am 34 yrs old, married to DH for 10 years, have two kids, and didnt plan on having any more. After my sons birth 4 years ago I wanted to get sterilized but my insurance didnt cover it so I went back on BCP. Well, last Friday I found out that I am PG. We are not very happy about this at all. My DH and I are on the same page with our decision that another baby is not what we want...so we have made my decision. My appointment is next Friday. It is so strange how I am having all the same PG symptoms that I did with my 2 kids (and the 1 MC) but they seemed so much more tollerable then because I wanted to be PG. Now they just SUCK! I really cant stand this. I just want to go to bed and wake up when it is next Friday. Can anyone here relate? I need to here from you please. I pretty much know what is going to happen since I am still very early in this pregnancy, but I want to hear what your experience was like please. Also, 2 years after we had our daughter we decided to start trying again for #2. I got pg and almost immediately I started to almost feel this ticking feeling like my time with my daughter was now limited. I hated the feeling. At 12 weeks I ended up MC and even though it was a planned pg I really wasnt upset at all....I was actually relieved. I knew that I just wasnt ready to have another baby. I immediately went back on BCP. So I figure that if I wasnt all that upset losing that pg then I think I will be okay with this decision. Sure I would love this baby with all my heart if we decided to keep it, but we are through the baby stages (kids are 7 and 4) and making plans for more college degrees, new careers, etc. Having a baby that we never intended on having anyways is going to mess everything up. I really do think that I will be okay with this decision even 10, 20 years down the road. BUT, my DH and I are agreeing that no one will ever know I was pg let alone having an abortion. Our families just wouldnt understand. It is really hard not being able to share with those that I love how sick I feel, but in the long run this will be something that DH and I take to our graves. Although if my daughter ever asks me if I had one I dont know if I could lie to her. But, that is years down the road. Thanks for anything you can tell me about your own personal experience, it is nice to have support, even if it is from internet strangers!

ready2go · February 2012

i haven't been in your position but didn't want to read and not comment. (((((hugs)))))

soontobeahigh · February 2012

There is a termination for non-medical reasons on babycenter.com. You will get a lot of support there from other women in your shoes.

mattswife91805 · February 2012

I'm sorry, I have no advice....but big (((hugs)))

cbidt*sgirl · February 2012

I haven't had to make the decision your have made but I wanted to share my support. Sounds like you are very clear on what is best for you and your family. All the best to you.

citygirl22 · February 2012

I don't have any experience to share but didn't want to read and not reply. The other day, there was a poll re abortion and at the time that I looked, approx 40 people (for various reasons, medical or not) have had one. I'm sure there are more who didn't see the poll but unfortunately, you won't have many direct replies here. Perhaps there is another board where you can receive honest feedback.

ilovemygirls · February 2012

I'm really sorry you're in the position to even have to make that decision, but you & your DH are deciding what is best for your family. It must be hard to keep that big life decision to yourselves, but I would do the same thing- you can't risk not being supported, I'm sure it's hard enough. I wish you much peace & healing as you move through the experience.

nonoemily · February 2012

(((HUGS)))

I just wanted to say I will be thinking good thoughts for you ad I hope your procedure goes smoothly and wish you the best.

I had an abortion almost ten years ago when I was with my first husband. I have never regretted it for a second, and I am glad I waited til I was ready and with the right person to have my baby. I know your situation is different, but I know you know you have to follow your heart and do what's best for your family.

Good luck to you. I hope you find the support you need.

akimbo · February 2012

I encourage you and your husband to talk to a therapist before Friday or to reschedule to be able to talk to someone before the appointment. The gravity of your decision is not insignificant, nor is the fact your support system won't be available to you.

KZBurnworth · February 2012

I am completely pro choice. I hope you find peace with whatever you chose to do. I am not a super religious person but I do feel that when things like this happen they are meant to be.

patty78 · February 2012

I sent you a private message.

cnybride2be · February 2012

interesting...this is the second question like this in the last couple of days..

oh well just an observation

but you two may want to actually pm about it. to the op go back like a page and it is a survey type question. that poster sounded as though they were in a similar situation.

black.kat · February 2012

My husband's mother had an abortion when he was young. When he was a young adult she told him only because the person who went with her threatened to tell her secret. I can tell you that although you do have the right to make your own decision based off of the reasons you give, I know from experience, the loss my husband has felt in his life being without this sibling has only grown through the years. This is your decision, but it will affect people, even if you choose to not share this information, someone will be missing from their lives. My husband was raised to be pro-choice (for the obvious reason) yet he has realized that he not only was lucky that she had choosen life for him, but also that he is without a sibling because of his mother's choice.

I am sure I will be flamed, but I am coming from another angle. No one can change your mind and you have your reasons, and if you are comfortable that those reasons are big enough to take the place of another child that you and your husband created, there really isn't anything anyone can say to you. However, I urge you to look into adoption, and when you react with how will you go through an entire pregnancy and then explain it to your children why you are choosing adoption for their sibling, maybe you can use the same words you would use if/when you have to explain why you aborted their sibling.

There are a lot of resources out there for you and I know someone else mentioned for you and your husband to see a therapist, I agree with that. I work with women who have been affected by abortion and unplanned pregnancies and you are not the only one who has been in this situation, abortion does not need to be the answer for you or your child or your family.

That being said, if you go through with the abortion, I think you said you were early on in the pregnancy, so you will get the pills and have the home abortion I assume. Please take care of yourself if this is the path that is taken, just like anything else, there are real complications that can happen.

I am not going to come back on this post because I know I will be flamed for being the only voice that advocated for the life of your child. I am not interested in what anyone but you has to say about my reply, so if you want to get in contact with me, please feel free to message me.

I wish you all the best and I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

libra31 · February 2012

cnybride2be:
interesting...this is the second question like this in the last couple of days..

oh well just an observation

This. And I would seek counseling, I agree w/ the pp who said this decision very well may affect your children someday. And am I the only one who really doesn't think a parenting board is the appropriate place for posts like these? Surely a google search would reveal much more helpful and appropriate places...

shopgirl78 · February 2012

libra31:
cnybride2be:
interesting...this is the second question like this in the last couple of days..

oh well just an observation
This. And I would seek counseling, I agree w/ the pp who said this decision very well may affect your children someday. And am I the only one who really doesn't think a parenting board is the appropriate place for posts like these? Surely a google search would reveal much more helpful and appropriate places...

My guess its the same person.

Oh, she's posted about everywhere...check her history (getting pregnant is any more appropriate? its my fav post at anyrate...). It's interesting nevertheless.

Best of luck OP. I can't imagine being in your shoes.

justEK · February 2012

I think it's fine she posted here since she is a parent of other children. Other mom's have been In her shoes. To the OP, good luck in the next few weeks. You have to make the right choice for your family. (((HUGS)))

Temp374386125003286 · February 2012

Hugs! I am so sorry you are going through this. I completely support your choice and would probably do the same.

almostjennifer · February 2012

Abortion baffles me. It is a perfectly legal way to kill an inconvenient person. I'm sorry for everyone involved here.

laurakaz13 · February 2012

Yes, I did. It wasn't the right time for us and I haven't regretted it for a second. Neither has my DH. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

laurakaz13 · February 2012

almostjennifer:

Abortion baffles me. It is a perfectly legal way to kill an inconvenient person. I'm sorry for everyone involved here.

Huh? Zip it! This opinion baffles me. It's not a person. It's a bunch of cells that cannot live without its host.

luckyluvr · February 2012

My high school boyfriend's mom had an abortion before he was born (same dad, but they were young and unmarried). He resented her for it for as long as I knew him. It was always a block between them.