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Lurker Opens Up a Little

VedaFlashVedaFlash member
in Blended Families

I'm a lurker but I want you all to know that you help me out a lot!  Blended families have a lot of confusing dynamics and feelings.  I came from a single parent family and was a single parent for quite a while.  This is a lot different.  Growing up without a father I really never knew how different males are from females until I met my husband and his two boys.  I agree that the love you have for your bio kids is different than love for stepkids but it's all still LOVE and as long as nobody but you knows than it doesn't matter.  Nobody is treated any differently.  

I have a daughter from a previous relationship who I share with her dad.  We don't really have issues with that.  I have two stepsons from my husband.  And I have a daughter with my husband.  Our boys' mom lives out of state who they don't see all too often due to her drug and mental health issues.  They stayed with her during the summer maybe 3 times early on....  Each time there were more problems and their stays were shorter.  There are so many issues with their mom but nobody can change her except herself so we really just try to show acceptance.

I call them all my children but the boys know they have a mother and we try to let them talk to her and see her as much as legally possible.  (She legally can't have her kids stay with her anymore.)  I never tried to take the place of their mother and never will.  They have step and half and real siblings amongst them but we drop all the labels.  We just want to show them love and acceptance.  I feel that our children have so much to teach us about humanity and life but we are often too busy or absorbed in teaching them that we sometimes forget.  I think it's great for people to come here and talk about their confusing family dynamics anonymously.  I read your stories and advice and it does help. 

We never fight over the children with anyone ever.  We know that it's in their best interest to be loved by all their parents.  Real and Step.  Think about how the children feel about their parents.  They probably feel a very different love for their bio parents than they do for their step parents.  I want them all to grow up and remember a great childhood with loving parents and happy homes. 

So there's some of my story (there's always more to the story!) and I want to thank you all for sharing yours and offering advice to others. 

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Re: Lurker Opens Up a Little

  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member

    welcome!

    if only all the parents involved in blended family situations always looked out for the kids best interests!

    sounds like you have a great little family! :)

                           
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  • dixneufdixneuf
    you sound like a great mom!
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  • MissMandie805MissMandie805
    I thought I was the only person out there with two step kids who had a biological mother with mental health issues that prevented her from being a good parent! I feel so alone sometimes. Their mother lives in the same city as us and is consistant at only one thing, causing as much drama in their and our lives as possible! I never call my boys step children except in this context to explain the situation. They are my children and I will love and raise them as my own but it's the hardest thing I have ever had to do. 
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