Doctor: Ferberize him
Athena0809
member
We had our 9 mo. check up today. This was our exchange re: sleep
Pedi: getting plenty sleep?
Me: Pshh, I wish
Pedi: How many times does he wake up?
Me: IDK because we bedshare 3, 4?
Pedi: I have to share this with you as a member of the AAP, you could roll over him and you would never forgive yourself.
Uh, he is not 9 weeks old he is 9 months if anything, he rolls over us and I wake up to foot on my neck, or a back hand slap across my face...
He told me to "ferberize him" and after two failed attempts to, I don't want to try again. It left me wonder, Dr. Sears is well know for his AP style in which bedsharing is even recommended and he is a member of the AAP, are there any other doctors that follow the AP philosophy? What has been your experience?
Re: Doctor: Ferberize him
My doctor had nothing to say about sleep. She sticks to asking about milestones, giving us vaccinations, and measuring his growth. She doesn't really give me advice I don't ask for, which I appreciate.
She also has 14 month old... I think perhaps that keeps her humble.
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I was just coming on here to post pretty much the same thing. My Dr keeps giving my the side eye when he asks me if LO STTN and I say no. He is fine with bedsharing but doesnt think he should be waking to eat and wnats me to stop. So I was going to ask how you all approached it. I love evreything else about our pedi, he is one board with BLW and bed sharing and he is a great pedi to my other sons so I dont want to switch, but I am thinking I might have to "fib" when he asks me next time about sleeping through the night.
(I was mentioning this now cause even though we dont have our next check up until May, my 6yo has a check up next week and I have a feeling my pedi will ask me about the baby)
If you don't want to lie, you can always go around "does he sleep through the night?" with "we're fine with how he sleeps."
I don't think this HAS to be a dealbreaker with a doctor. It's not going to matter in a year or two, right? It just doesn't need to be something you go home and feel terrible about, either. If you're a particularly open and upfront person, you could actually tell your doctor how badly it makes you feel to be told to "just do Ferber", and that it really makes you question being a patient there.
Honestly, I prefer to just not talk about it. It's not my job to make my doctor have a better bedside manner. I want her around for medical advice, and I think she's good at that.
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I do believe sleep is a medical/health issue, both for baby and parents. Humans can't function without enough sleep. It's no different from nutrition, and if your kid wasn't eating, you'd tell your doctor.
That being said, there's no one way to approach sleep and sleep issues, and if your doctor is giving you false information (like bedsharing is inherently dangerous) then you should feel comfortable switching to a new health provider.
Our pedi did the same thing to me. I brought ds in for sleep issues to make sure nothing was physically wrong. He had a raging ear infection, and even at that, pedi said after his ears were clear we would probably need to Ferberize. I told her no thanks, that wasn't our style, and she really doesn't let it go.
We are changing pediatricians right now, but not solely because of this issue. However, I did start to feel like we just weren't on the same page with most philosophies, and that can cause a problem over time. She never even suggested a no-cry type solution. She just made it sound like CIO was the only way to do it, and if I didn't I was doing ds a disservice.
My sons pedi asks too and tells me, "sometimes you just have to let them CIO." I told her I am reading The No-Cry Sleep Solution. However, STTN is 5 hours or more in a row. If your child does just one 5 hour stretch they are STTN! So you can simply say he/she is and end the conversation there.
Honestly I am pretty sure DS can sleep feed, and I am getting better at sleeping through it too. I discovered my son did sleep longer stretches if he was in the arm's reach. Now he starts the night in his crib and does a long stretch (5-10 hours), then we co-sleep until the 12 hour mark, so that's working! He's still a catnapper, but you have to pick your battles!
Oh, and maybe you could mention James McKenna's work to your pedi!
I've had similar issues with my pedi and have stopped discussing sleep at all. If she asks how he sleeps, I say fine because I don't want to hear her opinion on how things should be different. As long as he's healthy and happy- the pedi shouldn't care.
if you're not happy with your pediatrician, then it's probably a good idea to find a new one (if you can, I know it's not always that simple).
but I will point out that based on what you said, he was just trying to help. he asked "getting plenty of sleep?" and you said "I wish".
No one sleep/parenting method works for every baby or child, but Ferberizing can be great for some babies...which is probably why he suggested it.
I disagree with this. Sleep is part of health just like eating is and physical milestones are. If a baby isn't getting enough sleep it can impact their ability to thrive, meet milestones, stay healthy, etc.
Pediatricians who are good look at the big picture when treating their patients. They dont' just look for a fever and swollen glands and send the kids on their way when something overtly "medical" doesn't pan out.
Lots of new parents want advice from their doctors about eating and sleeping. I would say that the average woman on this message board is NOT average at all. So while you might have strong, well researched opinions on your parenting, many new moms are really hoping their pediatricians give them some guidance on sleep.
Lastly, and this is a pet peeve of mine, FERBER =/= CIO. Honestly, the fact that "Ferberize" is akin to a curse word on this board really illustrates to me how uneducated many of you are on the subject.
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