Extended Nursers (12+ months) Come In

Two*True · February 2012

Meegs blog post prompted me to post this. Most of you probably know I nursed DD for 12 months and then she had another 3 months of milk from my freezer stash. She self-weaned and I was happy to make it to a year. If it had last longer that would have been fine to.

However my coworker and I have had some conversations about extended nursing and if there was an age that parents should start the weaning process. His wife is still nursing his almost 3 year old. There are other issues going on, but the nursing is definitely impacting their parenting and the difference between the way he and his wife want to deal with some behavioral things.

Anyway, during a recent conversation this VERY worldly, very liberal, hip, green, granola, coworker said something interesting (and admittedly out of character for him). He said that if he had a daughter instead of a son the extended nursing might not be such an issue. However, he does worry (a tad) that the longer this goes on the more memories of nursing his son could potentially have.

I had never put much thought into this. Would you have any issue if your 3/4 year old child recalls nursing? I'm assuming none of us here recall feeding from the breast. But what if we could? Would it change our relationships with our mothers? For better? Worse? Only because of stigmas our society places on breasts?

I'm prefer this not to be a hot topic, flameful thread. It's just a POV I stumbled across and it has got me thinking (but perhaps not drawing any conclusions yet).

What say you?

Mrs._F · February 2012

Fun topic, T*T Smile

H is soon to be two, and I would like to have him weaned by his birthday. I have very much enjoyed nursing him, but I am starting to feel touched-out and would like to have my body as my own for a while before we start TTC#2. To me, 2 years is a wonderful amount of time to nurse, and I'm just not really intersted in continuing longer. I totally understand those that continue to nurse until 3 or 4 though, especially if it's just a morning and bedtime thing.

I saw a thread on the AP board here on TB once that included a reply from a woman who had memories of nursing! I actually thought it was kind of cool, and I don't at all think that it is important to make sure your kid doesn't remember nursing. I think people get skeeved about that because we always think of breasts as being sexual. Well, to Henry, my breasts are anything but sexual. They are food and comfort. And I don't think it would be detrimental at all for him to have a memory of nursing. My mom didn't nurse me very long, so I don't remember it - but I do vividly remember snuggling with her and pushing her boobs around to use as pillows! Ha!

I know it's not the same thing, but it kind of makes me think of showering or getting dressed with LO. I think it's probably more common for adults to have memories (not all of course - I know some families like to keep covered up!!) of seeing their parents in the shower or changing clothes. And I think that is considered more acceptable than a memory of nursing. Again, the naked body of course CAN be sexual, but to a small child, taking a shower with mommy or seeing mom get dressed, it is NOT sexual. KWIM?

And as far as the male child vs female child thing - I think that's just plain silly!

cookiemonster03 · February 2012

Well, I certainly think the sexualization of breasts in our society is a huge issue for nursing all around. I don't really have any memories of eating when I was 3/4, so I don't really know if that's even a valid argument...but I don't think I'd want to nurse a preschooler. I suppose I see it as a bit of an independence issue (and that they should be on open cups, etc). If we do have another baby and I am lucky enough to have a good breastfeeding relationship, I do hope to continue past a year though. We shall see!

ssg73 · February 2012

I nursed until I was after 3. I self weaned when I was told I had to nap if I nursed. The day my mother told me that I got off her lap and never asked again. I do remember nursing to a degree it is more visceral than anything else. I also have several very early memories that I know are my memories and not me remembering stories people told me. I used to pull my blanket through my hands a certain way when I nurses I can remember both that and the nursing but more of it being a calm time with my mom and not the eating boob aspect. I don't think this had sexual influence on me...but heck I do like boob now. Who knows.

nevr2amazin · February 2012

My niece nursed until she was 4 and my nephew until he was 3. Both remember and all it means to them is "I nursed until I was 4" and "I nursed until I was three." Never anything more than that.

lnelson20 · February 2012

Eli is still going strong at 20 months and I expect he will likely be nursing for another year. Our intention is to allow the kids to nurse until they self wean, whenever that is. For a number of reasons we assume Lex will wean earlier than Eli and that is fine with us. I don't really understand the gender differences raised by your coworker--I don't look at it as sexual and I certainly don't think my kids do.

Regarding the remembering it as an adult, I don't remember nursing, but I think it would be nice in a way if our kids remember this experience, which I see as a bonding/comforting/positive experience.

Two*True · February 2012

lnelson20:
I don't really understand the gender differences raised by your coworker--I don't look at it as sexual and I certainly don't think my kids do.

Honestly his reaction surprised himself as well which is why were discussing things. Part of it is that his son can finish putting together a fairly complex puzzle then walk over to mom and with a full and complete sentence say "Please lift your shirt, I want to nurse now." Coworker is really trying to figure out where he fits into the equation. After almost 3 years their child still "owns" his wife's body to some extent.

2mommiesinoh · February 2012

I was never nursed so I really cannot comment on my memories of nursing. I was not really able to nurse with Ky (0 milk supply depsite weeks of trying) but if I had been I would not have had a problem nursing until she wanted to stop. I agree with pp about the whole sexualization being a more societal issue. My family is very much a nudity is no biggie. I still see my mom in the shower and changing and she has seen me...that is how she discovered I had one more tattoo than she thought lol. We have no issues being naked around Ky and see it as completely natural. I am not sure how breastfeeding can be seen any differently.

lnelson20 · February 2012

Two*True:
lnelson20:
I don't really understand the gender differences raised by your coworker--I don't look at it as sexual and I certainly don't think my kids do.
Honestly his reaction surprised himself as well which is why were discussing things. Part of it is that his son can finish putting together a fairly complex puzzle then walk over to mom and with a full and complete sentence say "Please lift your shirt, I want to nurse now." Coworker is really trying to figure out where he fits into the equation. After almost 3 years their child still "owns" his wife's body to some extent.

I get that to an extent. Eli specifies which boob on which mom he wants to eat on--and while his grammar is not perfect, it feels kind of amazing at times that he is old enough to express himself to that extent and yet still nursing. And I totally get the "owning" of our bodies--there is something about nursing that is possessive and is excluding of certain adult interactions/relations. I guess where it breaks down for me is that neither of those concepts are related to boy vs. girl. I wonder if it would actually feel any different to him if it was his daughter nursing instead of his son--either way he is left out in a way.

tdmklm · February 2012

I actually do recall feeding from the breast. Smile This is the case because when my mother had my brother, she had very little milk, and he wasn't latching properly, which was causing her supply to decrease even more. She had me nurse (I was five, going on six) to try to increase her supply, which didn't work. I don't think that changed my relationship with my mother at all. There are SO many other things that go into that relationship - honestly that piece of it didn't even occur to me until I saw the question. In fact, I didn't even remember it until the second time I came to this thread (I read earlier on my phone, which won't let me post, and it didn't occur to me then). Anyway, nursing is so completely non-sexual for both mom and babe - I think it's much more a question of reclaiming your body as your own, as Brit and other PPs said, than it is of it being an issue because it's sexual in nature or your kid will remember it or anything of the sort.

My two cents'! Smile

Meegs10.13.06 · February 2012

This is definitely an interesting post/topic... thanks for making it!

I agree with everyone else. Gwen sees nursing as food and comfort, so if she remembers it, it will be a comfort thing that she remembers, not my breasts. I have no problem with her remembering something that has brought us so much happiness.

That said, I'm crossing my fingers she'll self-wean by around 2.5 years, as I'm definitely ready. Guess we'll see!

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