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mcatmay
member
mother to be advice
mcatmay
member
If you had to give THREE pearls of wisdom on motherhood to an expectant mother, what would they be? Be as general (take more time to yourself) or as specific as you want (swaddle ONLY with A&A swaddles or else all heck will break loose ;-) this is in the interest of my bff, who's going to have a ittle girl in june...and, don't cheat with the old 'the only advice I have to give is not to listen to everyone else's advice'. It may be true but i'm looking for more :-)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: mother to be advice
Watch or read 'Happiest Baby on the Block'
Trust your instinct
2. It's normal for babies to cry. Sometimes you can't do anything about it. It doesn't mean you're doing something wrong or that you're a bad mom.
3. Ask for help when you need it, and accept help when it's offered.
1. Read Happiest Baby on the Block.
2. Invest in the Miracle Blanket.
3. If you still feel blue or out of sorts after a few weeks, please ask your OB for help and talk to someone.
Mine are all cliches, but....
(1) Sleep when the baby sleeps. (Don't try to get another load of laundry done, etc., just lay down.)
(2) Don't be afraid to ask for help. Keep a list of things that need to be done and if someone asks how they can help, take them up on it.
(3) Enjoy it, because it goes by fast. (So, so true.) Take a few moments to stare at her little hands and toes, gaze into her eyes, cuddle her as long as you want.
1. Old school Gerber cloth diapers make the best burp cloths.
2. The few weeks might suck and that's not uncommon, but it gets better every single day.
3. Get out of the house!
Bonus: 4. Hot Pockets are a hungry nursing mother's best friend.
1. don't buy so much stuff! I don't feel like we went overboard, but we could have dealt with much less. There are so many things that DS barely used or barely wore that are packed away already.
2. make time for you and DH on a regular basis (I still don't do this but know I should and wish we started it early on)
3. Let DH care for the baby his own way, try not to correct his methods unless something is dangerous. If DH is struggling, don't just take over...offer advice, like "sometimes when DS is cranky he seems to settle down when I bounce him" that your DH can take, or not.
Good luck to your friend!
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
baby blog/cooking blog
1) Take care of yourself. In order to best take of your baby you have to take care of yourself first. (especially in the first few weeks)
2) Get out of the house as often as possible.
3) Have numerous pacifier brands on hand, until you find the one he/she likes.
1. Happiest Baby on the Block (everyone says DVD, but I learn much better from reading, so the book was great for me).
2. Someone said this already, but let your DH parent in his own style. Just because he does it differently doesn't make it wrong. And let him do stuff! Especially if you're breastfeeding, dads can feel shut out, and it will be great for their relationship to let him do things. We were lucky that DH could stay home with LO when I went back to work. They have an amazing bond.
3. Even successful breastfeeding hurts in the beginning. I had no issues breastfeeding at all--no latch issues, no supply issues, no mastitis, no clogged ducts, baby was EBF for a year--and it still hurt for several days in the beginning and I had scabs on my nipples.
4. One more for good luck. A few people have mentioned how fleeting it all is. I held a newborn baby last week (hi vbim!) and just couldn't comprehend that my baby was like that just a year ago. I really couldn't believe it. My memories are so foggy and even though we took lots and lots of pictures (I have 800 on my iphone), there aren't enough. I absolutely agree with the "days are long but the years are short" sentiment. I would love to go back in time to a year ago (but just for a day!) and have my sweet teeny little baby nap on me for the entire day, so I could watch his little fingers and toes and not get hit or kicked :-)
1. don't remove the tags from all the baby clothes you get and wash them. I did that and so many went unworn!
2. If you can get through the 1st 3-4 weeks of BFing hell, you will be able to BF long term. If it's important to you, stick with it, it does get easier!
3. Hold your baby as much as your heart desires from the moment she's born. You can't love her or cuddle her too much and you cannot spoil a baby under 6mo old.
your friend is lucky to have you as an "experienced" Mom friend:)
Have your friend watch this -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taDqKWWPDAY
1. If you don't want to BF or if BFing isn't working for you, formula is still great nutrition for your baby and there is nothing to feel guilty about if you make that choice. If you do formula feed, you must get the Dr. Brown's Formula pitcher.
2. Encourage, ask, and let your DH or SO do everything that you do with the baby. Don't criticize the way that they do it (or they may not do it anymore). Ideally, you want them to be able to feel confident and do all of the tasks required of taking care of a baby or you are never going to get a break :-)
3. Definitely do the 5 S's from Happiest Baby on the Block. I like the Miracle blanket for swaddling.
4. Do what makes sense to you and have confidence in your ability as a mother. You'll get lots of solicited and unsolicited advice, read lots of books, read things on the internet, etc. Take in that information but only use what makes sense to you.
These are ALL such great pieces of advice! I was reading through, and just kept thinking, "YES, absolutely!"
Some repeats in mine, but here goes:
1) Happiest Baby on the Block 5 S's
2) Miracle Blanket for swaddling!
3) BF is not fun at first, but use lanolin or whatever works to help, and try to stick with it for a few weeks. If it doesn't work out, that's okay, but my rec is to give it 6 weeks and see how you feel. (This was the advice from my old boss who is a nurse/breastfeeding specialist. I was on the phone with her when my baby was 3 weeks..I was in tears saying, "I hate BFing! I don't think I can do it much longer!" And she just said, "Keep trying until 6 weeks, and reassess then. If you feel the same way, then stop."
By six weeks, I was fine with it, enjoyed it even, and kept it going until DD was 8 months. Things get so much better after those first few weeks!
1. if you are doing the best you can, you should not feel guilty.
2. you will get a lot of advice about how great this is and that is -but do what works best for you and your family. Sometimes, things don't work out as planned but that is okay.
3. Remember that you have had 40 weeks or so to carry around the baby and your DH is now getting his turn. Let him learn how to parent and make decisions. He might not be doing it your way but his way is okay too. In fact, he might teach you some things too.
This is so true. DH changed diapers for the first two weeks exclusively and when I started doing it I got peed on every.single.time, while DH stayed dry. I quickly adopted his techniques.
I haven't looked at the other ones. But I'm sure someone else listed a few of these:
- Trust your instincts
- Don't try to argue with people who give you unsolicited/stupid/crazy advice, just smile and nod.
- This too shall pass. When you're in the throes of sleep deprivation, know that things will get better.
Off to the beach
DS 7/18/2010
Handy 2.0 Due Early August
2011/2012 Races
12/17/2011 Christmas Caper 10K
2/11/2012 Have a Heart 5K
3/17/2012 DC RNR Half Marathon
4/22/2012 10M Parkway Classic
10/28/2012 Marine Corps Marathon
Amen to all of the previous contributions!
1) Take tons of videos. Photos are great, but the videos really help me remember my LOs' sounds, movements, expressions, etc. After doing this for several years and with three kids, it's so easy for those types of memories to fade or blur together. Seeing them "in action" is priceless.
2) Don't run to reference the books, pediatricians, websites (except The Bump for support!), and other information sources 24/7. Don't get hung up on the number of feedings in a day, or the proper way to swaddle, or whether the sleep schedule you're on is normal. Babies are resilient creatures who have survived just fine for thousands of years with nothing more than a food source, a place to sleep, and some warm snuggles from Mom. No one was counting dirty diapers in caveman times! Parenting in this day and age can easily make you paranoid and obsessed. Have confidence in yourself and your ability to figure out what works best for your family.
3) On a related note, don't compare yourself to other parents. As with everything in life, there will almost always be someone doing it better than you and someone doing it worse, and there will always be people eager to both judge you and emmulate you. Don't give yourself inferiority/superiority complexes. If your LO is healthy, well-adjusted, and happy most of the time...you're doing it perfectly. How you made that happen doesn't matter.
A bonus (4) cliche, as a PP said (but it's one of my go-to mantras): "This, too, shall pass." Keep perspective that the bad stuff won't last forever, and truly focus on treasuring each good part while it lasts.
Two of these I've already made a note to do differently if we have a #2 based on my failures with H!
1. Read/watch Happiest Baby on the Block, but know you might have a kid that doesn't respond to any of those things (I did.) So DH and I just traded off taking turns with H and then going out to breathe.... or scream in a pillow.
2. Take more pics/video. Take it to the point where you think it's overload, and get pics of both dad and mom with the baby, and some of all 3 of you. And when they start doing something cute, or talking, get video of it right away because before you know it they'll have moved on to a new skill and you don't want to have a "dang, i missed it!" moment.
3. Keep a running Word doc on your computer with milestones and dates (rolling over, sitting up, walking, first tooth, etc). It's quicker and easier than finding the baby book and you can take the time later to input it all and make it look pretty in the baby book.
4. Baby poop stinks. I don't care what they say about EBF babies poop not smelling, it's BS.
When they get to solids, it's even worse.
Ditto Happiest Baby on the Block - worked for 2 out of 3 of my kids - pretty nice odds.
1) Make sure your husband can do 100% everything you can do with the baby and vice versa. You have a better chance of being able to get out of the house for a bit and get some much needed "me" time if you you're not afraid that DH is going flounder and not know how to give the baby a bath, swaddle the baby, put the baby to bed, feed the baby, etc. My DH is great at this, and I know I'm really lucky. He even does my girls' ponytails - lopsided - but he can do it! (hidden in this piece of advice are two others - let DH do things his way, and get out of the house by yourself when you can!)
2) Try to be in communication with other moms as much as possible. It can feel impossibly lonely caring for a newborn. And I'm not talking about people who stand around and judge and give un-solicited advice, I'm talking about the women who can say "oh you bet, I've been there, here's what I did, but do whatever you think is best." My "New Mom Group" when DD #1 was born was a LIFESAVER. And the Nest/Bump of course.
3) If you think something is wrong, ask your pediatrician, ask other moms, ask your mom - your instincts are excellent. There are no dumb questions. Hopefully whatever you're worrried about will be normal and nothing, but sometimes you'll be right and you can pat yourself on the back for having good instincts. (see - another hidden one - trust your instincts).
That video on You Tube that pp linked to always makes me cry, and it did again this morning. But actually it's good timing becuase I have all three kids to myself today and usually they drive me up a wall within a few hours, so it's good to start my morning with that video!! Great advice in there.
Re: 3 - Motherlove nipple cream. It's organic and safe and seems to work well (says the mom with an 11 day old :-) )
Re: 4 - aww. :-) Remember the wedding advice to take a moment to soak it all in? Same goes here. :-)
ETA: right, three things! If she pumps: my BIL suggested getting a second set of pumping stuff (valves, membranes, shields, etc.) so she's not constantly in the sink washing them. At 3-4am, this second set makes a huge difference! :-)
better yet, get DH to wash the pump parts!