Preemies
How long do you visit your LO in the NICU?
How often & how much time do you spend with your LO who is in the NICU?
I feel like I'm never there long enough & feel guilty when I leave. But, I also know that I need to get some rest myself & try to relax & eat at home. Currently, DH & I visit DS for about an hour in the AM before work. After work, we spend about 2-3 hours there. On the wknds, we spend about 5 hours.
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Re: How long do you visit your LO in the NICU?
Had to comment as my preemie is also named Henry Oliver. I think this is like a lot of other things in parenting- there is no right answer. You have to seek balance, and right now esp., prioritize your health and sanity so you can be there for your LO.
I spent tons of time in the NICU, it was hard to step away, but that was what kept me sane. I was there from 10-11am till 7-9pm almost every day. DH joing me after work from 4:30-7 or 9pm. We stayed later when it was bath night.
The downside of being there so much was that I was exhausted. I really should have taken breaks for naps, and wished all.the.time that they had a place for mom's to lie down. Since we brought DS home at 35 weeks, it's been a LONG journey through this "newborn" phase. I haven't had more than 5 hours in a row of sleep since my 2nd trimester and it does catch up with you.
In the end, I would say if I had to do it over again (praying that I don't!) I would prioritize getting plenty of rest, eating well, and taking care of things at home and then would spend whatever time I could with LO. Also, try to make the most of the time you do spend- kangaroo if possible, take pics, and check in with the neo team. GL! Hope your NICU time flies by!
BFP#2 3/16/11, beta 138; 4/12 Baby/HB DS born 9/10/11 at 29w4d due to partial abruption and PTL
BFP#3 8/19/13 Another boy! 17P, modified bedrest and Nifedipine helped us have a termie! DS2 born 4/19/14 at 38w5d.
I am usually there five hours during the day, enough to feed her twice. I stay longer on bath days. DH and I go back at night. If she ready to eat, we may stay an hour or longer. If she sleeping, it's usually a quick night visit.
I hope that the rest of your time in the NICU is quick and uneventful.
Thanks, Ladies. Now I'm feeling a bit more guilty about not staying longer. I would if I could, but I'm waiting until LO is home to take the rest of my maternity time
After I went back to work, I spent an hour at lunch and maybe an hour or two in the evenings. H and I had a really hard time spending more then an hour or two at time at the NICU. The constant alarms and beeping. It was just hard especially in the beginning since there wasn't really anything we could do but sit and stare at her.
Don't feel guilty. Do what's right for you.
Don't feel guilty. Honetslty, taking the time when LO is home will be great for the both of you. Please don't beat yourself up, you are going through enough already
We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
Hello! I am a lurker on this site mostly.
We currently have a son in the NICU who was born at 32 weeks in January. He has been in NICU for the past 5 weeks. I have not returned to work yet, so we are spending approximately 4-6 hours a day.
I also feel like at times we should be spending more time. I think until we get him home-nothing will feel like enough. I don't think you should feel guilty at all about length of time spent there. You need to decide for yourself what is best & it may change from day to day. You need to take care of yourself so that when your LO comes home you are ready to be there for him/her.
DS had 2 month NICU stay and at the beginning I would spend about 12 hours a day in the NICU. I was told many times by nurses that I needed to go home but I felt so guilty leaving my son there alone. When my BP shot back up I had to take it easy and get rest. After that I would spend between 8-10 hours a day at the NICU and DH would join me for about 4 hours after work. We always wanted to stay for shift change to make sure the new nurse coming on checked on DS before we left... had problems with that early on. The older he got the more we wanted to stay because he was doing more. Early on he needed the time to be alone and not bothered. It seemed like he would brady every time we would talk or lift his incubator blanket so it was better to leave him be, also gave me time to recovery from the c-section.
When I went back to work I was only there for like 3-4 hours a day. I got home from work around 5. Scarfed down dinner and went to the NICU from like 6-9/10.
It was so hard to balance work, NICU, pumping, life, and plus as a teacher it isn't like my day ends at 5- I had work to do at home too.
So I tried to spend more time on the weekends. Some days I would be there for 8-10 hours. But DH also dragged me out of there a lot. We needed to clean the house, get food ready for the week, spend some time with the dogs etc. So there were weekends that we were only there for 5-6 hours. I would go in (if memory serves me) around 9 for the 9:00 feeding and stay through the 12:00 feeding. Then I would go out and do stuff. I would go back for the 6pm feeding and stay through the 9pm feeding and then go home for the night.
Ditto the PP's about not feeling guilty about the time you spend there. You do what you can to keep yourself healthy, rested, fed, and sane. It is really hard to go back to work with an LO in the NICU. But you have to (as I did) to get your time with them when you get home.
Hoping for a short and uneventful stay for your LO!
My MARRIED Bio
Try not to feel guilty. I know that's easier said than done. Everyone has a different situation and you need to try and balance what's best for your situation. Get things ready at home, take care of yourself, spend time with other family members.
Make the most of the time that you spend at the NICU- learning to care for LO, talking to the nurses and docs, and bonding with LO as much as you can. Quality time is better than logging a lot of hours there.
I had the same guilt. I would take note of everyone else near us in the NICU and make sure that I was always there more than the others. I tormented myself on how much time I spent there. My girls were there 111 for E and 78 for S. It was impossible for me to spend everyday all day there. I had to go back to work full time as well. Every morning when I would get up for work, I would call and check in on the girls. If they had a rough night or needed milk, I would run by before work, (usually after parking, traffic, scrubbing in I would only have 10-15 minutes). I would call every 3 hrs when I would pump at work. Again, depending on the day and what was going on with the girls, I would go to the hospital at lunch. Somedays I just got see then for 20 minutes, but I would need to see for myself they were okay. I would go every day (expect for 3 days) from 4-5:30. The NICU would shut down for shift change for an hour or two. I would go home grab dinner and then most nights DH and I would go back after the NICU would open for the night care and feeding and would stay about an hour.
The nurses either made me feel quilty about staying there too long, or killing myself to get there or the nurse would act all snobby and ask when I was coming in. It got super tricky when S came home a month or so before E. DH and I work different shifts so that we dont have to do daycare. So, if I went I would have to take S with me. I hated taking her with me.
You have to do what you can, no matter how much you are there, you will feel guilty. Hang in there momma!
DD was late preterm and a feeder grower, so we were very lucky. Once her twin was released, we went every night for the 8 pm feeding and stayed 30-60 min. On the weekend we would go twice. There was a lot of guilt with being with the other baby so much more, but we just didn't have a lot of options.
I have a wild amount of respect for preemie moms. I had a TON of anxiety with the alarms and all, and DD was fairly healthy.
I think a great deal of it has to do with how healthy your little one is. With my son he was stirctly a feeder and a grower (born at 33 wks 5 dys) with no oxygen or IV. I was trying to finish up my semester of grad school so that I would not lose my funding, while DH worked, and still trying to get the nursery put together. The NICU was an hour from our home. Typically on the weekdays we would go in for his 9pm feeding ( he was on an every three hour feed schedule and the NICU had 24 hour visiting), typically arriving at 8:30. We would typically stay until 10pm, so about an hour and a half every day. On the weekends it was similar, although typically earlier in the day.
No matter how much you go, you will still feel guilty. I personally cried alot, when I was home without the little guy. And it was hard. But at the same time, I new that he was getting excellent care at the NICU and tried to get everything ready at home so that I would have the most time possible to spend with him and care for him when he got home. Our NICU stay was just over two weeks.