S/O Single Parent- Anyone have DH issues?
The last post got me thinking about my DH issues. Tues-Sat he works nights 12:30pm-11:00pm and he really never sees DD except for an hour or so in the morning. I have to pull teeth to get a shower before he leaves and for him to spend time with her. On his days off he wants to go hunting with his buddies all day, screw around in the yard, wash cars and do whatever that usually doesn't involve me and DD. When he does spend time with her it is short lived. He will hold her for a second and then put her down or have something else to do. I am with her 24/7 and cannot leave for long periods because I BF and she won't take a bottle.
We fight about this constantly and I try and tell him that I would like him to spend his days off with DD and he doesn't see any issues here. He has said, "why should I give up my life and friends just because we have a baby?" I am not trying to make him give up friends, but the time we have with him is limited and I would like a break sometimes, even if it is just to clean the house and make dinner. This situation is really making me start to resent him. It makes me mad that he can act like he has no responsibility to her and can leave and do whatever he wants. Why is it that he can just throw in the towel?
He thinks SAH is soooo easy and that I do not ever need a break from DD. He never gets up with her at night or changes diapers, ever. I am tired too! I guess I am not looking for any answers, just needed to vent.
Re: S/O Single Parent- Anyone have DH issues?
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! I think the most stressful part is knowing you should have help but dont..
I finally freaked out on dh this past weekend when he was home... and he helped out a LOT more... he will be home tonight and we will see if it will stick..
Because I have a 2 year old and have a HUGE group of friends (some that SAH and some that went back to work) with children the same age as my own, that have been through this with me, I thought I'd offer this perspective:
Not all men (or women, for that matter!) fall naturally into the "parent" role. Some need more adjustment time than others; more prompting and you asking them for specific help; more time in general to just learn-as-they-go, make mistakes and develop into parents than others... I actually, honestly, don't know a single DH that woke up the day his child was born and was a helpful, knowledgeable Parent!
Seriously, give him some time and really try hard to see where he is coming from because it's natural for him to feel that way. Being a parent is totally opposite from what he's had to do all his life and his rebellion is sort of to be expected. My DH did the exact same thing and it took him months, nearly a year, to really "get it" and just sort of finally start ACTING like a parent, helping out without me having to ask and WANT to spend his free time with Emily. It's hard to explain, but some DH's just don't have that emotional connection with newborns but really thrive and get involved once baby starts communicating and is mobile and they can actually play with them. Does that make sense?
This early in your child's life, you both have just sort of been thrown into parenthood and, while you as the mother naturally fell into the provider role, your DH doesn't know exactly where he fits in just yet. Let him have his time with friends on the weekends but set limits: maybe 3 hours on Saturday for a movie or a beer with friends or 3 hours on a Sunday afternoon to watch a football game BUT, the rest of the weekend he needs to be home, helping you, supporting you and just being part of the family. He will be happier if he's allowed to adjust. It sucks us moms don't really get time to adjust but *sigh* that is just how the cookie crumbles.
I suggest you trying to get out of the house (even just to sit outside, in the sunshine to read a magazine!) during your daughter's naps once on Saturday and once on Sunday - you need a break too and, if you don't get them, you'll end up resentful, trust me!
I bet, around months 7-9 you'll see a big difference in your DH and even more around 14-18 months!
Hang in there, there is NOTHING abnormal about your DH!!!
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11