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Not sure what to do

kiley&mattkiley&matt
in Single Parents
Since I left STBXH in Dec., he has only spent about two days a month with our son.  We had our child support/placement hearing on Monday, and when he found out that he was going to be required to pay about $140/week for CS, he immediately requested to have DS every other weekend, which would make his payment around $108/week.  DS is only a year old, and I have seen him every single day of his life.  I'm not sure if I'm okay with him being away from me for two whole weekends a month, but the judge gave consent.  Two days later, STBXH told me that he cannot take Liam the last weekend in March now, because it's his birthday and he wants to go party for the weekend with some friends.  We can't switch weekends, because he works every other weekend, so basically, I feel like he just requested EOW to get out of the child support.  What would you do?  I would rather have my son than have him stay with a babysitter for the weekend, but then is that sending the message to STBXH that he can get away with things like that?  What would you do in this situation?
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Re: Not sure what to do

  • tsmomma42tsmomma42
    Do you have a right of first refusal clause in your CO? I do. It states that if either X or I need childcare for >4 hours (excluding when DS is asleep) then we have to ask the other parent if they'd like to take him instead of getting a sitter. If you don't have a clause like that I'd try to get one added. Then I'd wait a few months and keep a calendar of when your X takes your DS. If it's significantly less than the time he's CO'd then I'd go back to court for a modification in child support. He can't have it both ways. Either he parents and therefore takes some of the financial responsibility during his parenting time or he doesn't parent and pays more in child support.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    imagetsmomma42:
    Do you have a right of first refusal clause in your CO? I do. It states that if either X or I need childcare for >4 hours (excluding when DS is asleep) then we have to ask the other parent if they'd like to take him instead of getting a sitter. If you don't have a clause like that I'd try to get one added. Then I'd wait a few months and keep a calendar of when your X takes your DS. If it's significantly less than the time he's CO'd then I'd go back to court for a modification in child support. He can't have it both ways. Either he parents and therefore takes some of the financial responsibility during his parenting time or he doesn't parent and pays more in child support.

    ^^ this. Document, document, document!!! Get about 6 months worth of visits under your belt and then evaluate the situation.  Most Courts won't modify an existing Order more than once a year unless there's a significant change in circumstances. As for child support, most states will take into consideration the ACTUAL visitation used, not just what the CO says. But again, you need at least 6 months worth of visits in order to establish a pattern. 

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