Blended Families
PrettyInPearls23
member
Parenting Time Transportation
PrettyInPearls23
member
Just asking because I'm curious as to what others do for their parenting time transportation...
How often is transportation needed? EOW, Weekdays, etc.
Who does the driving?
How far apart do you live?
Thoughts/comments on your arrangements?
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Re: Parenting Time Transportation
My DH does all of the driving. We get SD EOW and every other Monday. We live about 30 minutes apart.
I hate the every other Monday because it takes him 30 minutes to get up there, 30 minutes to get back. Then she has to cut her visit 30 minutes short to get back up there by 8. We only have her 5-8 so it really cuts into visitation time on Mondays. The weekends are not so bad.
SS #1 - BM does pick up's and drop off's Friday night and Sunday night EOW (or when she feel like taking him). She lives less than 15 minutes away.
SS # 2- DH (I do all of it because he is at work) picks up SS from daycare EO Friday and keeps him unitl Wednesday and drops him back off at daycare. BM lives 2 miles away from us and the daycare is about 15 mintues away. I think this works perfect because we never have to see each other.
How often is transportation needed? EO Saturday night (his choice)
Who does the driving? He picks up Saturday, and I pick them up Sunday from him. I used to do all of the driving because I used to be a pushover and I was trying too hard to foster a relationship between them. I'm done holding his hand though, if he wants to spend time with them, he can come get them.
How far apart do you live? 7 miles, 15 minutes by car
Thoughts/comments on your arrangements? I'm good with driving one way every time, or both ways once in a while if he needs the help.
we have SD EOWE DH picks up friday afternoon and drops off sunday afternoon. we also have her for a few hours every wednesday, DH picks up and drops off
BM lives 30-45 min (depending on traffic) each way.
we are awaiting a court date to have our CO modified, one of the things we are modifying is that BM drives one way. especially since she is the one that moved 30-45 minutes away.
^^ I previously answered for my kids... SO has parenting time with his DD also:
How often is transportation needed? EOWeekend + one weeknight
Who does the driving? SO drives both ways
How far apart do you live? 7 miles, 15 minutes by car
Thoughts/comments on your arrangements? it works for them, BM will usually pick her up if we need her to
When we have my SD, the parent that is recieving the child drives. So on Friday night DH picks her up from her moms house. On Sunday night SD's mom picks her up from our house.
BM has SS EOW. She lives 70 miles away
DH and BM have a meeting spot (designated by the judge) halfway between both homes.
It works well. BM used to have DH driving all over creation to meet her and the arguement about where it would be would start on Wednesday and go until Friday at 6pm. Finally, DH pushed for a designated spot every single time.
How often is transportation needed? EOW, Weekdays, etc. EOWeekend during school and EOWeek during the summer. Usually a week day or two for a school/sport/activity.
Who does the driving? DH
How far apart do you live? about 30 minutes
Thoughts/comments on your arrangements? It is much easier for us to do all the driving. The CO is the BMs drop off on Friday DH drops off on Sunday. The BMs were constantly late, wanted to come in my house, start arguements, call with "if you want them come and get them" and general asshatery. Now the only weird thing we tolerate is BM1and SS calling every Friday wanting to know what time DH is coming even though he has picked up at 6pm for 8 years unless he calls to make other arrangements. Then DH has to call her when we leave the house and when we leave BM2s. If DH doesn't we have to wait forever on the kids b/c she refuses for them to get ready until she knows we are 5 minutes away. She will literally call if we are not in the driveway by 6:03 asking where we are.
Coming out of lurking?
How often is transportation needed? EOW and Tuesdays over night.
Who does the driving? Friday pick up at BMs is done by SO and Sunday drop off is done at a meeting point half way (unless we are going into the town BM lives in then we drop off to her apartment). Tuesday pick up at BMs is done by SO and Wednesday morning drop of at BMs is done by me.
How far apart do you live? 20 min drive on a good weather day(we live up north). We live two towns away.
Thoughts/comments on your arrangements? This was the original arrangement and worked well for everyone until recently. SO changed jobs in December and now works much closer to home. (He originally worked in the same town that BM lives in. She moved there after they separated years and years ago. He would pick up and drop off on his way to and from work.) When things changed for us he had wanted to ask BM to make adjustments in this arrangement, I however told him not to, that we would see how things would work for a while and take it from there. Almost 3 months later we do realize that things need to change a bit and are going to be discussing this with BM in the near future. We all try to be flexible with each other and I don?t think it will be a problem to figure out a new arrangement that will work for everyone.
And back I go?
How often is transportation needed? Every Tuesday after school and then back to Grandma's that evening; 1st, 3rd & 5th weekend: pick up from school on Thursday and return to Grandma's Sunday evening; 2nd & 4th weeks: pick up from school on Thursday and drop off at school Friday morning. So, A LOT hahaha
Who does the driving? Me. Pretty much always me. My husband doesn't get home from work until dinner time so I'm responsible (per the CO) for all transportation. Tuesday and Sunday evening drop offs we all go for the drop off to say "goodbye".
How far apart do you live? About 5-10 minutes from where BM lives; about 15 minutes from school.
Thoughts/comments on your arrangements? Are we being truthful? I hate it. BM should be doing at least 1/2. But she doesn't have a car (and hasn't for nearly 2 years) so she played the victim in Court and the Judge put it in the CO that my husband and I are responsible for transportation unless and until BM "has her own vehicle or has access to a vehicle". And BM always has access to someone's vehicle when it's convenient for HER. But I guess on the positive side, we always get my bonus daughter on time. Back when BM was driving she was consistently 20 minutes late dropping off and 15 minutes early picking up.
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We worked it out with BM where she will drop off SK's at our house and then we bring them home. We usually get them on Tuesday and Thursdays for a few hours and then EOW. We pick them up on Fridays around 6 until Sunday afternoon.
We are fortunate to have a good relationship with BM so we are all very flexible. If she needs to keep them on our nights that's fine and if we need them on a weekend that isn't ours, that's ok too. My DH is only supposed to get them on Wednesday nights per the CO, but we asked her if we could get them 2 nights a week instead so we could spend more time with them. I guess our CO is just for child support really because we don't follow any of the rest of it. We typically work out the holidays so that we both get to have them on that holiday.
ETA: We only live 5 minutes away from BM.
You should be meeting half way or one does drop off driving and one does pickup. IMO
You've both moved, so I think that picking something in the middle would probably be the right thing to do. BUT I wouldn't do anything until he's 100% honest about his living situation. He needs to disclose where he lives and who else lives in the house IMO.
My XH lives across the country, so our transportation agreement isn't terribly relevant to anyone else. But he moved first and farthest, so he bears almost 100% of the burden related to transportation. He's never asked me to do anything more than I do, and I haven't offered.
Don't let him push you into doing more than your share of the transportation. My attorney told me that once you demonstrate an ability/willingness to do something, some judges will stick you with it.
We live 30 minutes apart. We used to meet at an agreed upon location about 1/2 way. Thankfully now, SD is in school so we don't actually have to do many transfers. BM picks her up from school Friday night, takes her to school Monday morning if it's her weekend. We just get her from school, etc... In the summer we drop her off at a halfway point at 9am Sunday. If that time doesn't work BM has to come get her from us.
This saves us from BM calling us 10 minutes before we're supposed to meet (after we've already left) and trying to change the time/location of the meet which was ALWAYS the case.
Transportation is needed about EOW right now.
We have been meeting a bout halfway (we are 45 min apart) or sometimes BM just comes to my in-laws house with her son and current husband. Its a little akward but honestly we feel better having someone around to supervise.
The bolded part is my EXACT hesitation in this situation. He's been lying to me for many, many months. Heck, the better part of a year. We had a meeting with the Friend of the Court investigator and he sat there and LIED to her, say that he only "sometimes" stays at his GF's house during his parenting time with DS (that's another story for another day). I honestly don't care where he's living, but don't lie to me about where my child spends his time.
Now that I've moved in the opposite direction, he's freaking out and turning into a giant asshat about everything.
I have no problem doing whatever we decide/is decided for us in court, but I refuse to cater to him when he's been lying to me and the courts as to the whereabouts of our son during his parenting time.
I can't think of any reason you should have to handle transportation to his GF's house.
So I would just tell him that just because he "sometimes" stays with his girlfriend, it doesn't mean that you are going to be inconvenienced.