The $55,000 daycare dilemma (long)

alwaysduke00 · February 2012

So...I should start by saying that we haven't moved yet. But...we are seriously looking at moving to a even higher cost of living area within a HCOL area where daycare for 2 kids will exceed $55,000/year (1 infant, 1 toddler). This is for pretty much every daycare center within the community of 80,000 people. In home daycares are generally $9/hour x 50 hours/week x 2 x 52 = about $47,000, so not really that much better.

What would you do? These are the ideas that I can come up with:

- Delay moving (we live in a 2 bedroom apt., so things are getting really tight) to save $20K in daycare costs.

- Suck it up and pay since it's temporary. We could probably swing it but would have to make cuts elsewhere and/or buy a smaller house. I feel opposed to this just because daycare should NOT cost more than college tuition. No, it does not 'pay' for me to work, but I like to work and we would not lose money from my career hobby (as my husband has occasionally referred to it).

- Buy a house only near the edge of town where we can easily drop the kiddos off at a daycare in a less expensive area, saving us about 20K/year for a daycare 2 miles away. We've been looking for a house for 1.5 years so further restricting our search isn't really that helpful towards our actually buying a house soon but we could keep looking at least a few months longer.

- Buy a house wherever in town that we find it and, if we need to, hire someone to drop off both kiddos at a less expensive daycare each morning (or do pickups). I kind of like this option, in my dream world, they help get the kids out the door, pack lunches, maybe put the dishes in the dishwasher from the night before and take them to daycare which could make mornings a lot less crazy. I don't know how much this would cost...would you miss watching your kids be dropped off every day? I still think this would save 10-15K.

- Hire a nanny/au pair for the infant and let the toddler do one of those preschools where full time is 9-12 to get some socialization/structure. Daycare (in my current, less expensive town) has worked out so well for DD that I'm not sure I love this option either. And I don't know if it would really be less expensive.

Thoughts? Ideas? I definitely have some sticker shock.

Spenjamins · February 2012

What are the schools like?

Xles10 · February 2012

I'd probably get a nanny and send the older kid to a half day of daycare for socialization just a few times a week.

2-Step · February 2012

Xles10:
I'd probably get a nanny and send the older kid to a half day of daycare for socialization just a few times a week.

This is what I would do. At least your nanny could help you out with some things around the house and you wouldn't have to worry about drop off and pick up cutting into your day. This might not be an option in your area, but we have a lot of co-op preschools where a parent has to be in the classroom to volunteer one day a week, but most of them allow you to bring a sibling infant. The nanny could potentially do that for you and bring your infant on that day. Co-ops are about 1/4 - 1/3 the price of regular preschool and they seem to have great kids because it's all kids whose parents want to be very involved. I think its a great option for socialization and education for kids with SAHMs or nannys. Just an idea to add to the list!

salonmaggie · February 2012

So expensive.

saraboston · February 2012

I'd consider sucking up the 2 bedroom a little longer. 20k a year is a LOT, think of how much that would be in a college fund 17 years from now? I'd delay moving until either one or both kids were old enough for public school.

If not, I'd go with the nanny idea. The nanny could be a good mix of your last two options--help get the older one ready and drive him over to DC in a cheaper area and help then spend the day with the infant. Not sure this would really be cheaper though since you'd be paying a nanny and still for DC.

alwaysduke00 · February 2012

The short answer is I don't know...if you mean the different daycares. (The differences in the public schools is why one area is so much more expensive than the other.) Based on the websites, it seems like the more expensive daycares offer more...in terms of enrichment activities, lower ratios. But the other daycares appear fine...one is at a YMCA for instance...so I have to imagine it's reputable. There are enough in either area that I will explore further once we actually have a house.

alwaysduke00 · February 2012

I am sad that the prices are similar to Manhattan...which I've always thought of as entirely unaffordable. I'm discussing one of the town outside of Boston. Probably the NYC equivalent of West Chester or Scarsdale?

alwaysduke00 · February 2012

That's interesting. Some of the preschools are co-ops but the hours don't match what I need for work. I'll look into that more.

duchess0727 · February 2012

I'd stay where you are for at least another year - daycare costs tend to go down when the kids are older. Then when you move I'd consider the au pair with preschool. Even if preschool is $1,000 a month, you would still save because the aupair shouldn't be much more than $20,000-$25,000 ($18,000 out of pocket plus room/board). That's still less than $40k compared to $55k. Honestly, my kids are in a center which I adore but it's a long day and my son has now been doing this for almost 5 years and it's wearing. I think he would benefit from the downtime of having a shorter day out of the house.

Strunella · February 2012

I would do nanny + preschool. But then, I have a nanny, so I tend to see a lot of pros with having one.

massdreams · February 2012

I'm in metrowest Boston, but on the edge of it (so more west of Boston than I'm sure you are). Yes, this is a pretty high cost area, and I'm in the cheap part! We just switched DS1 to a preschool/center from an in home daycare since he was ready for that environment. We love it and are so happy with our decision, but the cost is so much for just 2 days!

We are currently in a 2 bedroom condo with the two boys, and it's honestly not that bad. Yes, we would ideally love to get a house with a bit more space, but we would lose money if we were to sell right now. Plus, I love not having to worry about all of the maintenance and work that would come with a house. I would say to stick with where you are for now. There are some perks to living in a smaller space. We definitely do spend more time together as a family and it forces us to live much more simply and not buy tons of crap. Plus, if you have the ability to pay 20K more per year for daycare, I say stay where it's cheaper for a year or two and save that!

WaitingforGrace · February 2012

I'd do nanny plus preschool too. Think about once the toddler hits school and how convienient it will still be!

Then you also get your partial dreak of someone to do dishes, pack lunches, etc.

This is our plan once we have a 3rd. We can't afford another kid in daycare (right now we pay more than a nanny would get). Then the nanny comes to the house and gets the girls ready for school, packs lunches, drives them back and forth, takes care of the baby, does laundry and light housework, etc.

MammaBear81 · February 2012

hocus:
I'd either stay where you are or I'd do an au pair + preschool until your older kid hits school. Don't buy on the edge of town. You can research having someone help with pick up or drop off (I am also considering this for when both kids are in daycare).

I am very curious where you're moving to. It sounds like Manhattan (where day care runs 2K + per month) but no one in Manhattan owns a house.

This, we have an au pair, and DS2 and DD1 go to part time preschool. The au pair is $17,000 for the year (all fees included) and Preschool for the older ones is another $10,000 (there are plenty of less expensive DC, we just really like this one). It works Well for us, and even when preschool os closed for vacations we have the au pair at no extra expense. GL!

mum2jack&littleb · February 2012

How do you recommend finding an au pair or nanny? We are spending $32K per year, plus summer fees now for a DC center. Our kids are well-cared for, but it is a financial burden.

Then again, though, these providers have been part of our "family" for 3.5 years. How do you trust a single person with your 3 kids, after having had a good DC experience?

alwaysduke00 · February 2012

Thanks for all the suggestions. It sounds like there is a consensus that we should do a combination of something. It's good to hear that people have had a good experience with au pairs...there are so many horror stories floating around the internet of young women disappearing in the middle of the night. I'll ask more question about hiring an au pair when/if the time comes.

I hear what people are saying about staying put for another year BUT:

1) I wanted to buy a home 4 years ago, so I feel like we've been waiting plenty long.

2) I want to have 3 kids so this problem is just going to resurface again (not that it wouldn't solve it for the short term).

3) I worry about DD's current daycare after she's done the toddler program. It gets to be 26 kids in a room (with 4 providers). I know the ratio is OK but 26 3 year olds in 1 room does not sound ideal to me.

4) I actually think staying put and continuing to rent is risky too...bear with me. The government is going to have to inflate away our massive debt eventually...this will cause inflation in other sectors and raise interest rates. So, we'd have the triple whammy of the money we've already saved being worth less, higher home prices and higher interest rates (and higher rents). Locking in a home and mortgage now makes a lot of sense to me...not that this is going to happen in the next year, but as the economy picks up, I think it is inevitable. (I'm not in finance, just my opinion.)

Mostly...I don't really want to stay put...we have no parking and during the winter often have to park over a block away. I can't imagine carrying a 6 month old and a 3 year old when there is a foot of snow on the ground next winter. I was worried about doing it pregnant with a 2 year old, but luckily, there has been very little snow.

Thanks again everyone!

MammaBear81 · February 2012

mum2jack&littleb:
How do you recommend finding an au pair or nanny? We are spending $32K per year, plus summer fees now for a DC center. Our kids are well-cared for, but it is a financial burden.

Then again, though, these providers have been part of our "family" for 3.5 years. How do you trust a single person with your 3 kids, after having had a good DC experience?

It's really a personal preference. I like that I don't have to get my kids up early in the morning and out the door. I also feel that they are "safer" in my home than anywhere else. I know what is in my house, and that we have a safe playroom for them to be in.

Interviewing an au pair is the same as a nanny, you can't meet them in person, but with Skype you can talk "face to face" and gauge their reactions to your questions. Its a lot of work to find a good one, but once you have, they (or at least mine) have been able to help me find their replacement when the time comes for them to go home.

Some people don't like having someone else live in their house. I don't have a problem with it, and my au pairs have been very respectful of our house rules, but it is something to consider.

The only downside I have is finding a replacement every 1-2 years. I love my current au pair and wish that he could stay more than 2 years. My boss on the other hand likes having a new person every year (he has a child with special needs though, and I think that takes a toll (on anyone) after awhile).

I don't think DC's are horrible, it just doesn't work for us (and I'm not talking about financially). I will say that we LOVE our children's preschool (they go PT 3 mornings per week) but if I had to choose DC or au pair (money not being an object) I would choose an au pair hands down.

katie4253 · February 2012

I live south of Boston, so I am familiar with the prices. I would try to stick it out where you are, cut your budget as much as possible to save as much of the 20k you can, and then buy in the area you really want. It is temporary, but think of how much 20k could do with compounded interest by the time your kiddos are in college...

Amy&Rich · February 2012

We are about to pay 30K next year for 2 kids so I feel your pain. I know there are cheaper options but they don't come with all of the same benefits and comforts that our daycare provides. I would suggest focusing on if moving is the right decision for your family. You can work out the daycare options that make you most comfortable once you know where you want to live. Trying to make all these decisions at once can be overwhelming. Good Luck with your decision.

kandg · February 2012

I would do the option where you hire someone to take the kids to/from daycare. We do that and it has worked out fabulously! Daycare is cheaper for us than a nanny (even for two kids because my firm subsidizes it) and my daughters learn a lot more at their daycare than my friends' children do at the local preschools.

We hired someone to pick the girls up, take them home, start dinner and then when I get home (my husband is a consultant and OOT Mon-Thurs every week), I get to play with the girls and spend two hours of quality time with them while our helper does the dishes, cleans bottles, helps with bath time, takes out hte trash, gets things packed for the next day. It has been a huge help and we were able to find someone at a reasonable price on care.com.

mum2jack&littleb · February 2012

kandg:

I would do the option where you hire someone to take the kids to/from daycare. We do that and it has worked out fabulously! Daycare is cheaper for us than a nanny (even for two kids because my firm subsidizes it) and my daughters learn a lot more at their daycare than my friends' children do at the local preschools.

We hired someone to pick the girls up, take them home, start dinner and then when I get home (my husband is a consultant and OOT Mon-Thurs every week), I get to play with the girls and spend two hours of quality time with them while our helper does the dishes, cleans bottles, helps with bath time, takes out hte trash, gets things packed for the next day. It has been a huge help and we were able to find someone at a reasonable price on care.com.

This is brilliant! It's like you (the wife) have a wife! Not being a smart-aleck at all. It gives you the time with your kids, rather than doing "household" stuff. What an awesome solution you have!

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