Community› The Bump Message Boards› Blended Families
Blended Families
New Discussion

Women & Elephants don't forget...

J+RJ+R
in Blended Families

Hard to believe that I should be celebrating my baby's 2nd birthday today... Instead, I celebrate in my heart. Oldies - hard to believe that we two years+ of "knowing" each other... Thank you for always giving good advice and being around during my struggle.

Such a wonderful story that really helps me. 

The story about women & elephants:
     I love elephants. I remember seeing an IMAX movie when I was younger about these amazing animals, and the thing that struck me, even then, was their ability for compassion and empathy. When a member of their community is ill, they patiently wait for them to heal. When one is falling behind, they all slow down so their lagging member can catch up. And when a mother elephant loses her baby, they stand in a circle around her and allow her all the time she needs to grieve and mourn. They don't hurry her along, or push her to abandon the body. They stand in a circle and gently touch her with their trunks, a silent show of unwavering support.

Elephant mothers will stand with their babies for weeks, not eating or drinking, just holding them close and letting the reality that they are gone slowly settle in. And they are allowed that time by their family members.

We don't do that. Humans I mean. We do not rally around the bereaved, or allow the members of our community to mourn on their own time. We push, we prod, we offer helpful statements like "it's for the best" or "things happen for a reason." Grief is like some embarrassing condition - a cold sore or an unseemly rash - and we hasten to hide it from view.

In this time of heartbreak - for I am heartbroken, even as I start to emerge from the grief and accept the fact that this whole process did not, somehow, manage to kill me - all I want is for the people in my life to stand around me and put their hands on my back, and let me take the time to heal.

Women and elephants never forget...and I will try to remember how this feels the next time someone in my life has suffered a loss. I will try to be the circle of support they need.
 

Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Report Reply to Post

Re: Women & Elephants don't forget...

  • sabrina69barnessabrina69barnes member

    I read that after one of my more recent losses. I chose elephant charms for my memorial jewelery. It's also why I chose an elephant theme for this LO's room.

    Big hugs today. I know how hard should be birthdays and milestones can be.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • juliettoddjuliettodd
    Big Huge Hugs.  My heart goes out to you both.
    Report Reply
  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member

    Oh girl, FWIW I think of you often for your loss and the horrible circumstances that surrounded it.  And you are right, we do not allow ourselves or others the time to truly grieve especially with miscarriages. You are always in my thoughts. 

    Slightly off subject but how is your health? 

    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
    Report Reply
  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member
    Hugs to you!
    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

    Report Reply
  • J+RJ+R
    imageLittlejen22:

    Slightly off subject but how is your health? 

     

    It's coming along... slowly but surely! Have some medical issues from the chemo and transplant, but thankfully still cancer clear :) 

    Cant wait to stop taking 44 pills a day!! And maybe, one day - be blessed with a child.  Not sure about that though :) 

    I appreciate your thoughts! :) I am blessed to have this board. 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member

    Thank you for sharing this.

    T&P and hugs galore.

    Report Reply
  • Karma1969Karma1969 member

    Hugs....

    I will keep you in my thoughts. 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • NativeNyerNativeNyer
    All my love and hugs to you.  You're an amazing woman J+R.
    Report Reply
  • MommarinaMommarina
    (HUGS) I've thought of you often even though I don't hang around here much any more. (previously jpowell3)
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"