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Attachment Parenting
anna7602
member
I worry about a lot of cr@p
anna7602
member
It's true that you can never escape yourself, in case you ever doubted this.
Since coming to France, I have spent maybe 15-20 minutes every day thinking, "this is so awesome and man do I love the [insert food] I am eating right now/exhibit I am walking through/yoga class I was lucky enough to find near my house/peace and calm after everyone leaves the house in the morning" and maybe another 8-9 (or more) hours thinking:
"how is DD adjusting?"
"how is DH adjusting?"
"how am I adjusting?"
"how can I help DD learn French more quickly?"
"how am I going to help DD keep her French once we get back to the US?"
"why does DD keep wanting to sleep with us every night after not co-sleeping with us since she was about 2.5?"
"tonight is the night I will go to sleep as soon as DD does."
"am I giving DH enough me time?"
"am I getting enough time for myself?"
"what am I making for dinner?"
"I need to call the landlord about x, y or z."
"why hasn't my editor written back to me? Does he hate the work I just turned in?"
blah. blah. blah.
Shake me out of it! (And thanks to "outnumbered," who mentioned my smile in her response to a post of mine the other day. I keep trying to remember to just smile in every and all situations.)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I worry about a lot of cr@p
You've been given an amazing opportunity. Just enjoy it while you can. There will always be things to worry about, but you'll end up with a lot more regret if you move back to the US with the feeling that you didn't enjoy your time there to the fullest. And as they say in French (although more specifically in NO)...
Laissez les bons temps rouler mon ami!
I am right there with you - I feel like sometimes I constantly worry. Is Lo eating enough, getting enough sleep, am I doing a good job at work, is DH happy, blah blah blah...
I try to remember that everything is ok, and things will be great. Because they are. A day of not eating right is fine, and if work is not going well I'm sure I would hear about it.
I also try to live in the moment as much as possible. I think you can worry about things in ANY situation - rich or poor, happy or unhappy - KWIM?
Life happens and we adjust, and most of us are just fine. So when I start to worry, I try to take a deep breath and let it go. It's harder with the kiddo because they can't articulate things very well yet. But with DH - I feel like it's his responsibility to let me know if anything is wrong. So I let that go pretty easily. For myself, I try to reflect on what is really going on. Am I stressed about dinner because I don't want to focus on what I'm doing? If I'm asking myself if I'm getting enough me time, it generally means I'm not. Sometimes it's just fine to sit in reflection for a few moments and get it out of your system, rather than put it off and have it creep up all the time. You and your family are going through big changes.
sorry to ramble, hope this helps!
As pp mentioned, you've gotten an amazing opportunity and I would, at least for now, just got with the flow.
Everyone will adjust at some point - some might take longer than others, but everyone will end up adjusting. Just try to create a routine for everybody (especially DD) so that she can know what's coming.
If you talk to DD in French and she heards French at school, she will pick up so fast.
I know it's hard, but just try to stop thinking about it all - you'll start to notice if you need to change something. Feeling stressed? You need more me time. Notice DH getting antsy - he may need more me time, etc. Just enjoy for now! Take care of the basics (house, school, food, etc) and that's it!
Profite de ton temps a Paris, car sinon tu le regretteras lorsque tu seras de retour aux EU!!
I worry about a lot too Anna, and I've come to terms with that. It's just in my nature. Just like it's DH's nature to not worry about anything. We even each other out.
Maybe make it into a kind of mental exercise. If you find your mind going to the how/what/where/when/why mode, try and bring it back to the "this is awesome" mode. Can you come up with a little mantra to repeat?
**hugs**
This is such an incredibly huge, shocking transition. It's bigger, IMHO, than marriage or having a kid. Because your whole family - whom you are essentially the manager for - is transitioning too. New language, new culture, new house, new friends, new environment, new family schedule... it's CRAZY!
I don't get to read on here super often, but from what I've read, you are doing an AMAZING job.
Don't beat yourself up for asking these questions, but rather than "worry" about them, let yourself be satisfied with "good enough for now; I'll change it if it needs changing".
Since you mention yoga (and I'm a yoga teacher) I'm going to mention two lines in the yoga sutras that I find helpful in situations like these (and who doesn't experience this even without such life changing moves!):
Sutra 2.5 antiya ashuchi duhkha anatmasu nitya shuchi sukha atman khyatih avidya
Basically, it means that ignorance (in yoga terms, not our US colloquial use of the term, so it's just one part of being human and a part that colors how we see/experience everything) comes from one of four things: thinking of things that are temporary as permanent or eternal, mistaking the impure for pure (basically, thinking our thoughts are some pure state when they are really influenced by many other things behind them), mistaking things that actually bring you misery as things that bring you happiness, and mistaking things that aren't "the self" (your profession, your culture, your preferences) as who you are.
Most of those things on your worry list, when I think the same things, seem to me to be a lot of this - worrying that a temporary change in sleep pattern is some horrid sign of a permanent problem, worrying that someone doesn't like your work and letting that really shake your confidence, etc, etc.
Not that recognizing it will suddenly change it, of course, but it's a start, right?
Sutra 2.33 vitarka badhane pratipaksha bhavanam
This one is the "opposites" sutra. It seems a little "well, duh", because all it says is when you are bothered or inhibited by troubling thoughts, reflect on and cultivate the opposite thought. Seems "obvious" enough, but our human brains are so darn good at focusing on negative trains of thought, that we - well, at least I - have to really stop, recognize what we're doing and tell our brains, no, no, think about it in this opposite way. So, rather than worrying about if you're helping your daughter learn French fast enough, reflect on how well you are doing helping her learn what she has learned. When you worry about if you're getting enough "alone" time for you or your husband, reflect on how well you have done starting to figure out that balance.
Hang in there! In a year, you'll hardly remember why the transition was so hard!
Thanks for the encouraging words, everyone. And for the yogi advice, TiffanyBerry. Just when I think I've mastered one concept, there are 20 new ones I realize I need to move on to. I spent years & years on the idea of "clearing the cobwebs" of the past and not obsessing about things I could no longer change and now I think that as a result, I am probably way more obsessed with "how can I make NOW better so I won't regret it later?"
Your editor is probably busy :-) I just emailed my assistant editor 100+ poetry manuscripts the other day because I'm buried, so I'm following the age-old tradition of burying someone else ;-)
I'm sure your work is as great as always, if not better! I mean, you're in France, right?!?
Mac and cheese lover!
This is our life exactly too. I try to think that sometimes there are good points to worrying...at least it makes me aware and I think about things. On the other hand, the constant analyzation and wondering if I am doing the right thing can drive me batty! I am WAY better than I was years ago, but I also know this is who I am and how I will always be.
Hope that helps to know you are not alone!