Scared

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · February 2012

I normally work from home but tomorrow I have to go into the office. This will be the first time I'm going into the office since everything happened. In fact, the last time I was in the office, I was still pregnant. I know that most people, if not everyone knows - some even attended the service but for some reason I'm still scared to death to go to the office. I talked my boss into letting me come in half day instead of the entire day and for most of the day I'll be in a meeting with just my department and they all know what happened, but I'm still scared to death to have to deal with everyone. I know I'm either going to get a lot of "I'm sorry" and there is that possibility that someone either won't know or forgot and say something. I'm afraid I'm going to be triggered. Any advise on how to handle this? I asked my boss if there was any way to use and office with a door just in case I lose it but there's not a good chance of that request being honored.

magdalina.h · February 2012

You just lost a baby. If you need to cry, cry. If someone doesn't understand, I'll go and kick their a$$ for you. You will get a lot of pity looks and the awful "comforting" phrases that people say. Just remember, you've already been through the worst thing in your life and are living. If people judge you for crying, there is something wrong with them.

dandywarhol · February 2012

The anticipation of my return to work was a lot worse than the actual day. It was difficult, no doubt but it wasn't awful. People were kind to me and a few came into my office to talk to me to express their condolences or share with me their story. Most likely a number of them will be uncomfortable around you because people are uncomfortable with grief. I told myself that I need to be the example for them and be proactive about my feelings. It wasn't easy (I don't like confrontation) but I told people I wanted to talk about my experience, I want people to ask about my daughter, I want people to know that she is loved and is a part of my life. I think by giving people direction it makes it less uncomfortable for everyone. It isn't easy, but nothing about this entire experience is.

I found myself getting triggered in meetings when we were all sitting around the table speaking about inane items - I just wanted to scream, "MY BABY IS DEAD!! How can we talk about something as stupid as this when my daughter is gone!!" Luckily I was able to keep those thoughts in my head rather than screaming them aloud.

{{hugs}} I think you'll do fine. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed, excuse yourself and head to the bathroom.

Heatherhah · February 2012

When I returned to work I bascially kept to myself and that was safe for me. I find that men inthe office avoid me more so than anything. Also most woman don't know what to say and sometimes the ones that do shouldn't say anything because it is usually "well god wanted her more" that kind of stuff so I tried to just smile and walk away. If you need to cry then cry I sure did and if it makes people uncomfortable oh well they will get over it you however won't!! Hugs I will be thinking about you!! Good luck!!

nuttycoconut · February 2012

I don't have too much advice because my coworker friends told the rest of my colleagues that I didn't want to talk about it at work and to just say, "It's good to see you/have you back." They were told to email me if they wanted to say anything else. I still get a little nervous going in though. Since he works in several different offices, my Dh a hard time fending off the stupid people with their insensitive comments (they are in a better place, don't worry you'll have more kids, something was probably wrong with them so it's best this happened now, etc.) but after a while he got really good at it and started defending himself a bit (oh, really, so tell me the reason this happened). Also, some people were really great with him since they had been through the same thing. The good news is you probably already know the worst things they can say and you can prepare for it and then maybe your coworkers will surprise you and be great about it! Good luck! I know it's really hard and I hope it gets a bit easier each day.

cherrycobbler · February 2012

I, too, was completely terrified about going back to work. I had planned on not taking all of my maternity leave at the beginning because I thought I would go stir crazy in the house all day, but as time progressed, I just didn't want to go back. When I did go back to work, everyone already knew what had happened. No one spoke of it, and I was actually ok with that. I just tried to do my job, which I am thankful that I am always busy (I am a pastry chef) and I cried in the bathroom when I needed to. Some people will probably say some things that you don't want to hear, and you probably know them all by now. I will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending you lots of hugs

weddedwife · February 2012

Big hugs! There's always the ladies room, if you need to cry. Just expect it to suck big time & if it only kind of sucks, well that will be a pleasant surprise!

pb127 · February 2012

Sending you good thoughts for tomorrow. I hope the day is easy on you and everyone is understanding. If you need to cry, then cry. If anyone has an issue then that's THEIR problem. let us know how it goes (((HUGS))))

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