Please tell me I'm not going crazy (long and child mentioned)

Gizu92708 · February 2012

My brother lives next door to my parents house. My brother was told that he wouldn't be able to have children. He went to a specialist and after many years he finally had my nephew. He is 2 yrs old. I love that boy. He is like the center of the family. I guess how he is the only baby in the family, he is the center of attention. I'm sooo happy my brother got to be a dad and that he has him. Ok now here is the thing. I've been waking up at night almost every night since Enzo passed thinking something is going to happen to my nephew. Like I literally get panic attacks and start crying. It's driving dh crazy. I think my nephew is going to open the door at night and fall in the pool or something and no one is going to hear him because everyone is sleeping. I wake up wanting to call my brother at 4am so that he can check on the baby. And then I can't fall asleep till like 7am when the sun comes out. It's affecting my sleep and my dh's sleep. He is a light sleeper and then can't go back to sleep. I don't want my brother to lose his son and go through what I went through . He probably won't be able to have any more children and I don't want him to lose his only chance to have a live baby. This is crazy I know but it's driving me crazy. I told my brother and he put upper door locks where the baby can't reach on all the back doors for my peace of mind. I know, it's gotten that bad. I know this is probably a stupid post and if you read up to here thank you. I guess I needed to get that out of my system and also see if maybe anyone has been through the same thing or something similar.

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · February 2012

I don't think you're crazy or that this is odd at all. I worry all the time about our friends who just had a baby. I worry about all of our friends who recently had a baby and keep picturing something happening to them too. The weather has been crazy warm here and I was outside the other day talking to my neighbor who has 2 boys (3 and almost 6) and one of them came running out of the house and tripped and face planted in the grass (thankfully) and I immediately panicked and ran over, scooped him up and asked him if he was ok as I was checking him over. My neighbor then asked if I was ok. Given all that has happened to all of us I think what most people would probably think are unnecessary fears are quite real to us since we know better than anyone that things can happen. {{HUGS}}

dandywarhol · February 2012

I don't think you are crazy. I think you lost someone, Enzo, who you love very much and now you are worried and anxious about losing another someone, your nephew, who you love very much.

Anxiety is a common side effect from grief. Have you spoken to your doctor or a therapist about the anxiety? Normally I'm not a huge advocate of medication but when the anxiety is interfering with your and dh's life, it might be time to ask for a little assistance, at least to help you sleep.

Heatherhah · February 2012

What you are feeling is totally normal. I was the same way but with DD1 and my DS after Sdyney died i was freaking out and i would check on her constantly and make sure she was breathing. I also would make my Ds call me all the time when he was out he is 18 and I feared he would die in a car accident. I also went even further and feared losing my parents as well after Sydney died. I was a mess with emotions. I think what you are feeling is totally normal.

Hugs!!

Auki13 · February 2012

I agree with PP- your feelings are totally normal, but they do suck. You have now been exposed to the worst and are no longer living in a bubble (that's how I see it at least). You have been affected by the loss of a child and know it can happen, and can no longer push those thoughts away. I am so sorry you are going through this, but know that you are not alone. (((HUGE HUGS)))

cherrycobbler · February 2012

I absolutely don't think you are crazy. I believe what you are feeling is in some way "normal" - for us. I know that when I see very pregnant women, and even newborns, I just think "Please don't let their baby die!" I just can't imagine this happening to anyone I know. I do agree with dandywarhol though, if it is interfering with you and your DH's daily life, you should maybe talk to a doctor about it. Sometimes just talking about your fears and concerns with someone that can talk you through some of your rationalizations can be helpful, and there is absolutely no shame in medications for this. We will forever be changed by our experiences, but I do believe "time mends all wounds" (not heals-our wounds will never completely heal), you might just need a little something to get over this "hump" in the grief process. I just don't want to see you piling on more worry, the extra stress won't be good for anyone - and I like to think that our children wouldn't want us to be affected like this. Much love and hugs to you and yours.

magdalina.h · February 2012

Have you talked to your dr about PPA? It's normal what you are feeling, but I think (based on your post) that it's consuming you.

Gizu92708 · February 2012

Thanks everyone. I have an appt with what will be my new OB. I decided I couldn't go to my other OB anymore and I will ask him tomorrow about PPA and maybe taking meds if it continues.

StephK86 · February 2012

Not crazy at all. This is totally normal. After my son died I kept thinking my step son was going to die. I would have to check on him multiple times a night and when I was at work I would text SO (who works later) super early and beg him to go make sure he was breathing. I of course think the same thing about my rainbow baby. He is never left out of my sight and I make sure the same goes for my family who watches him on the days I work. I get strong panic attacks still that something will happen to one of them.

I had to be put on meds. I have battled with depression and anxiety my whole life. I stopped taking my medicine both times I was pregnant. The second time was obviously worse because I feared daily something would happen to my baby. During the time in between pregnancies my Dr. gave me cymbalta, xanex and a sleeping pill. The xanex is not long lasting but helps with the panic attacks and the sleep aid helped everyone get more sleep in my house. Now I am back on my depression and anxiety medicine. I tried to stay off of them for good but I was freaking myself out so bad I had no choice. If you can not talk yourself out of these panic attacks I would suggest going to your Dr. and maybe getting something too. Of course the worry will never completely go away but it will help. Sorry you are going through this. I hope you figure out what is best for you and get some sleep soon.

Carolee · February 2012

This doesn't sound crazy to me at all. You just experienced a loss and it makes sense that you're worried about it happening again to someone you care about. (((HUGS)))

pb127 · February 2012

I also don't think it's crazy, considering the horrific loss we've all had and how much you love your brother and your nephew. Talking to your doctor sounds like a good idea, I also had some overwhelming anxiety post-loss that I needed some help with. ((Hugs))

lrichmond86 · February 2012

I totally understand. Recently my niece's father (not with my sister, and not an involved part of her life) has been having some issues with drugs and alcohol. Because he's military and just returned to the US there hasn't been a custody hearing and he's been threatening to come and pick her up and take her out of state. Because there are no custody papers this would legally be ok. I'm terrified that he's going to come get my niece, take her out of state, and then not know how to take care of her. Or worse, get frustrated with her and hurt her somehow. I know it's very unlikely and a bit of an irrational fear for me to have, but I just can't help feeling this way.

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