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Late Term and Child Loss
lrichmond86
member
Double post RE: pregnant friends & sick of the pitty party
lrichmond86
member
I'm putting both of these topics in the same post (mostly because I'm too lazy to post twice).
First, if one more of our (10) pregnant friends finds out they're having a boy, I'm going to scream! One more announced today on Facebook. I SO wish I could be happy for them, but if I'm honest about my feelings I'm NOT happy for them at all. I hope that they never have to go through what we did, but at the same time there's this nasty little part of me that says "If I can't have mine, you shouldn't have yours". I feel like a terrible friend, but I can't deny that that's how I feel. Of course I'm great at pretending in front of them, but I go home and cry every time. It isn't fair!
Second, does anyone else get sick and tired of people feeling sorry for you? I appreciate that people are feeling for us. I appreciate all of the kind cards and gifts and words of encouragement. I really do. But there are some days where I feel like enough is enough. Gosh I sound like a crazy b**** today! Guess I got up on the wrong side of the bed. Sorry for ranting... just had to get it off my chest.
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Re: Double post RE: pregnant friends & sick of the pitty party
You don't sound crazy to me at all. Sounds like you are having an angry day and that is okay (I had one yesterday). I haven't been on FB b/c I can't handle the cute pics of all the babies that were born at the same time as ours. I want to be happy for those people, but I also want to know why they got to take theirs home and we didn't.
I do try not to think that way, because it makes me feel worse, but I do feel that way sometimes. ((hugs))
When I first lost my son, it seemed like every one of my friends was pregnant with their second child (my son is my second). I was so bitter, thinking they'll get to keep theirs and I won't. My cousin's son rolled off their bed one day, and she took him to the hospital, and the first thing I thought was, I bet he won't die. I felt like a terrible person for thinking these things, but I think it's part of the process. You're certainly not alone.
I appreciate all the support from people that know me. What I can't stand is pity from strangers. I don't want anyone to ask me about my kids or about my current pregnancy cuz I can't and will not deny that my son existed. So if I'm asked and tell people about my son, I either get awkward silence or the pity. I can't stand it.
Yep, I felt all of that. I still do from time to time re certain people in my life who really aren't good parents. I specifically stayed off Facebook because I didn't want to see people glowing about their babies/children and I have a few friends that are expecting soon.
I'm constantly being told that people are "amazed by my strength" and how I could "carry on." Sometimes I feel people want me to break down, they want me to post how sad I am and how hard life is so they can go, 'Gee, our problems aren't that bad compared to yours!' and I refuse to give them the satisfaction. And I know it bothers them based on how many people have left messages on my page wondering about how I'm doing (I specifically told everyone to e-mail or call me instead; I only reply privately).
And then I have the people who complain about just stupid s*** and I just want to slap them and go, 'You know what's hard? Burying your child. You know what sucks? Knowing you'll never see your child enter preschool. You know what's difficult? Always wondering what would've become of your child had they lived to adulthood.' I've had friends complain about all the rearranging of schedules they have to do to support their kids extra-curricular activities and I think, 'My son is in the dirt, at least you get to have yours!'
One friend was due this month. She was actually one of the friends I didn't want to see any updates on about her newborn. It was hard for me to be happy for her when I was in incredible pain. When I lost Ethan, she sent me her condolences and I appreciated it. Turns out a month later, she ended up losing her son. She was only two weeks away from giving birth. We talked a lot and she told me out of everyone, I was the only person who could really understand what her and her DH were going through. She also got the 'You're young you'll have more kids' and 'He's in a better place' and everything else people say when they're trying to help but it really doesn't.
So sorry for my long-winded-ness. But yeah, I totally feel the anger at times.
I still don't like to go to family stuff (with the family memeber I actually talk to that is) because I feel like I make everyone sad. Who wants to be the one to make everyone sad? It makes me feel lonely and guilty.
Big hugs I am sorry you are having a down day.
For the 1st- I have hidden almost everyone I know on FB. Sometimes, someone sneaks through and I hate it. I get so angry.
For the 2nd- I hate the puppy-dog eyes. I try to remember it's always with good intentions but sometimes, I feel like screaming at them.
So yeah, I guess I needed to rant too.
? to Loss+M/PL+TTCAL+PgAL+PAL
PgAL/PAL welcome
I have also blocked anyone who is expecting or has a newborn. Every now & then someone else announces & I think, "Well, another person I have to block!" Unfortunately w/ the way fb is set up now, I occasionally see an ultrasound photo of someone I'm not even friends with, because someone I AM friends w/ commented on it. Ughhhhhh!! That pisses me off so bad. I don't like being this hateful person because I wouldn't wish this pain on anybody. BUT it's so hard to be happy for everyone else when they are so happy and I'm so devastated. I also can't stand all the stupid stuff people post, complaining about the smallest things- they have no idea what real problems are!
I also get sick of the pity looks. I feel like a social freak show wherever I go. I'm so angry that this is my life now and this is how it will be for me always. I will always have to tell my sob story when someone innocently asks how many kids I have. It is so unbelievably crappy and I'm still having a hard time accepting that it happened to me.
Sounds like we could all use a vent!
All of this. I feel all of this. I tried blocking people on FB but like people said, it doesn't always work. There always seems to be new people everyday, or people I know comment on someone else. I've also had people I didn't block because their kids are older or whatever and they seem to all be randomly posting lately things like "My kids make me so happy" or "God has really blessed me" and I want to scream. I've also found that FB hasn't stopped the real life issues like the "friend" of ours who sent us a Christmas card (our loss was a few weeks before and we were getting a lot of sympathy cards and Christmas cards at the same time) and in the Christmas card she gave us a "huge" 5X7 picture of her daughter. (it wasn't). Or my cousin who decided it was good idea to send us a birth announcement for her daughter complete with pictures. Why in anyone's right mind would someone think that's a good idea to send to us right now? I figured people would understand the "known" triggers. I was wrong. Also get tired of seeing people announce 2nd or 3rd or 4th pregnancies. I just want one!
I swear I walk around with a giant sign above my head and always feel as though people are talking behind my back. I'm probably just being paranoid but I feel that way. Hugs to you - heck, hugs to all of us!
In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be
corbinsmommy.blogspot.com
I have unsubscribed to a lot of my pregnant friends on FB for that very reason.
You're not crazy! You are entitled to feel how ever you feel at any given moment. ((hugs))