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I was doing so well...

prplscrubsprplscrubs member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Today is 4 days post d&c for me. I had lots of cramping over the weekend and minimal bleeding. I was trying to just take the advil and not take anything prescription, but that only lasted until Saturday then DH had me take the Vicodin, and with the heating pad I felt ok most of the time. Yesterday I was able to go all day without any meds. Now I just have slight cramping every now and then and still light bleeding/spotting. For the most part, I'm feeling good (as good as I can??) and OK with things. My mind understands everything that has happened. I'm a nurse and know a lot about all of this and can logically understand and process it. My heart on the other hand does not care what my head understands.

I think I pushed myself today though (did not intend to, just all the pieces fell into place for it). I went to breakfast with a friend who is pregnant. She knows all I've been through, but isn't always the most sensitive to the fact that she is pregnant and has a baby to buy for and now I do not. She catches herself and apologizes most of the time, but still it can be hard. After breakfast we went shopping at a couple different places and when we were at Kohl's she says "Oh! I don't have a going home outfit, I should get one!" So we looked around at all the baby items and clothes. I was actually doing ok and having fun looking at all the cute outfits and dresses. After we left there I headed home. I have been wanting to take a pregnancy test just to see if I could tell if my levels were dropping yet (they were only in the 8000's when I had my d&c Friday). So I took a test and as a waited, I opened the mail. There was a sympathy card in there from someone I work with. I was very touched and it made me tear up. But then I looked at the pregnancy test and the line was so faint I lost it. I sobbed uncontrollably, I couldn't help it. I know my levels are going to drop and I would love for them to drop quickly and hope that my body gets itself back together, but I guess I just wasn't expecting to have an almost negative test today. In a way it's great, but it's the worst test I have ever taken, and after 16 months of negative tests I didn't think that could happen.

I return to work tomorrow (I work as a NICU nurse) and I just hope I can get my emotions under control before I go in there. I'm pretty sure I'll be ok while I'm there, but tomorrow night may be hard. I feel like I just want some wine! But really don't want to turn to that to help calm me. *sigh* Thanks for letting me get this out ladies!

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Re: I was doing so well...

  • Greenbean0906Greenbean0906
    Firstly, I'm so so sorry for your loss.You are such a strong person for holding it together while with your friend and I give you so much credit for it. I would have lost it from the moment I saw her. As awful as it sounds-- I have been avoiding my pg friends like the plague. Take each day as it comes. There will be good days and there will be bad days but I've come to realize that as the time passes the good outweigh the bad.  Hang in there. Guilty: A glass of wine to calm the nerves at the end of the day is where I've been turning. I need to make sure not to make a habit out of it though. ((hugs))
    BFP 12/25/11 , 1st U/S @ 8wks diagnosed BO, 2/6/12 D&C,
    2/13/12 Partial Molar Pregnancy diagnosed
    Forced break for two cycles
    TTC June 2012

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  • SchruteBucksSchruteBucks member

    I agree with PP.  It seems rather thoughtless of your friend to take you shopping for baby stuff so soon after your loss. 

    I'm sorry you're having a hard time.  Miscarriage sucks.  ((hugs))

    Me 41  DH 33  Married 09/03/2011
    DD1  EDD 08/18/01, born 08/03/2001 ~ 9lbs 10oz, 21.5 in
    DS1  EDD 4/30/2004, born 05/04/2004 ~ 10lbs, 22 in
    mc 02/14/12 @ 5 weeks
    DD2  EDD 12/25/12, born 12/30/12 ~ 10lbs 11oz, 21.25 in
    mc 12/05/15 @ 12 weeks
    Cautiously expecting 12/02/16



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  • JuddandJessicaJuddandJessica member

    Wow! What a bad day! You are a very strong person. I can't believe you went baby shopping.

    Im sorry you had such a bad day. Take it easy. This all really stinks, doesn't it?! 

    BPF 1. Baby Girl "Petri" 12/22/11 Said goodbye 12/27/11

    BPF 2. Baby Boy "Roo" 1/20/12 Heartbeat 160b/m 2/15/12 Said goodbye 2/20/12

    BPF 3. Rainbow Baby Boy "Creed"  4/28/12 Born healthy and alive 1/5/13

    BFP 4. "Rainbow 2.0" 8/17/14 due 4/28/15

     

    "Darling don't be afraid. I have loved you a thousand years. I love you a thousand more."

     

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    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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  • FreyaWin2382FreyaWin2382 member

    First of all, big, big ((HUGS)) to you.

    Second, I will tell you that I am a Pediatric RN and can tell you that even though we may understand medically and physically a miscarriage, emotionally it is a whole other story. Working in peds, I take care of children facing horrible diagnosis, who have had to battle all of their lives....I know how bad it can be, and know that other people have it harder but.....all of this knowledge doesn't make me miss my own babies any less.

    Don't feel guilty or bad for anything you are feeling....you are entitled to be upset and to grieve.

    Good luck at work tomorrow...I'll be thinking of you. 

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  • Nakita37Nakita37 member
    So sorry for your loss.  I too am a nurse but on a med surg floor.  I also do understand that a miscarriage is a natural body process but my emotional side doesnt.  You should consider taking some time off from work.  When your a nurse, work is so demanding intellectually and also very emotionally involved. I took 12 days off from work and during that time I had time to just think about myself without having to think about work, and it has allowed me to heal emotionally.  I never considered taking this much time off of work until someone suggested it to me because of the difficulties I was having concentrating at work. Just a suggestion, please think about it!  Let us know how you are doing... *hugs*
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  • MWoodsideMWoodside member

    im sorry your day was rough. how insensitive of your friend to pick out her babys going home outfit today with you. very rude.

    i have def had a glass of wine a couple times since my d&c. not enough to get drunk, but enough to calm my nerves. go for it. 

    DD1 born 5/24/10.

    Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.

    DD2 born 5/14/13.

    Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.

    Expecting someone new 4/17/17.
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  • kpowers982kpowers982 member
    That sounds incredibly difficult. You are a saint and incredibly strong for being so patient with your friend...you're a much better person than I am. Good luck going back to work, I hope things go well.
    Cycle 7: BFP 1-17-12, Missed Miscarriage at 8w6d (measured 7w2d, no HB), D&C 2-29-12
    Cycle 9: BFP 5-3-12:EDD 1-24-13 It's a girl! Born 12-27-12 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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