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December 2011 Moms
Happily Overwhelmed
member
Is this ridiculous? (Family vent/question)
Happily Overwhelmed
member
This isn't a big deal at all. However, I think it's weighing a little on DH. And I'm not sure if we're in the wrong (even though I don't feel like we are).
For the past 8 weeks we've been nagged by visitors (which yes, is getting old, but we expected). But we still have several that haven't shown the least bit of interest.
I sent out announcements with all DS' info and pictures around January 20th (just under a month after he was born). I sent them to all of DH's aunts and uncles, all of my aunts and uncles, the grandparents, DH and my siblings, and close family friends.
There have been quite a few people (mainly focusing on DH's 2 uncles, DH's 1 aunt, my uncle, my 1 aunt) that we haven't hear anything from. My aunt and uncle both live several states away. They haven't been a big part of my life. My mom is really good about sending to all of their children's events (weddings, babies, etc)...however I'm not fishing for anything if it's not what's in their hearts.
DH on the other hand is really hurt he hasn't heard from his 2 uncles and one aunt. MIL and FIL came last night and DH brought it up (example, "did aunt _____ fall off the face of the earth..we haven't heard from her and we sent her an announcement). MIL piped back with "well...did you call and invite her to see LO?".
DH's aunt lives in Texas...we live in Illinois. One of his uncles lives in Colorado. The other one lives about an hour plus away. I think it's odd to call someone so far away and invite them over to see a baby. No?
Beyond this, I feel like WE sent an announcement. Now the ball is in their court? I would think they could call or send a congrats card saying they'd like to meet LO if they really wanted to. I always take the route if someone doesn't care they just don't care...no big deal, their loss. DH is really hurt by this. I feel like sending an announcement AND calling seems like fishing for a gift/attention/being a nag.
However, since MIL said to do it now DH thinks he should. I think MIL is crazy.
So what do you ladies think? Does a birth annoucement put the ball in the other's court. Or were we rude by not calling everyone personally and inviting them over?
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Re: Is this ridiculous? (Family vent/question)
Personally, I'd feel weird about calling if I had already sent a birth announcement. But, I'm also a person that reaches out once and if you don't reciprocate the gesture than I move on..
That's just how I feel!
I'd say it depends on how close YH is to the family members. If he never really talks to them, then yes, I think the announcement puts the ball in their court and he shouldn't have to call and invite them.
If he talks to them on a semi regular basis, then they might be waiting for an invitation. Or it could be that they are waiting for your MIL to invite them with a place to stay (since they'd have to come from out of town).
I'd say it puts the ball in the other person's court. And I agree, it is a little absurd to invite someone from across the country to come visit. We live far from our families and since we moved have let them know that it's an open invitation to come visit, but I have never invited them out for anything specific.
We have family that seems not to care about E. It bugs me and it is hurtful, but I can't do anything to change it so I figure that I will instead concentrate on all the people who do love her and care about her.
Ella born 12/21/11
THANK YOU! I really feel like showing this post to DH.
Beyond the insanity of MIL thinking we need to call distant relatives...DH's brother pretty much lives with MIL and FIL (he spend every night at their house-MIL does his laundry and makes him dinner-he's 32!!!). Anyways, DH invited MIL and FIL over to see LO and said "if (brother) wants to come then he's more than welcome!". His brother REFUSED to come and threw a fit because DH didn't personally invite him. Seriously? You're so right...we have a new baby to tend to. How much time can we waste making sure everyone's feelings are tended to!?
I feel better ladies! I hope DH gets over it. And I also hope MIL shuts her mouth about calling and nagging people, that in itself is old.
I agree that the announcement is enough. Some family members aren't as close as others. Is this the first great nephew? The excitement of a new baby usually wears off by the third or fourth baby in a generation and some people don't get excited unless the baby is part of their immediate family.
We have aunts and uncles who haven't acknowledged either of our children's births, and DH's brother and SIL never sent a card or anything, but we don't take it personally. However, I would be upset if these same people made a big fuss over another (similarly related) baby.
Odd as it seems most people in DH's family (as far as cousins go) don't have kids (and most are 40's+). DH is the youngest on both his mom and dad's side (he's 28). I think he expected a big deal because as the baby he's kinda been spoiled. His family is one of those "close" but distant families. When they are together they're all over each other. But they are barely ever together. It upsets me that it upsets DH. But I really feel like this is a big opportunity to see others true colors and focus on what's most important. Our new little family. My own sister hasn't acknowledged I was pregnant...let alone the fact she has a new nephew. It's her loss... I think it's the only way you can think of things when you've done all you can do. You can't ask people to be happy for you.
What a lot of people fail to remember is that not everybody is going to be as obsessed with the baby as the immediate family. Some people, yes but for the most part, no.
They probably saw the announcement and said something like, "Aw look how cute. Isn't that nice?" and left it at that.
I wouldn't call unless I had something else to talk about besides the baby. Not everyone feels the need to send something or rush to meet a new baby. It's just how they are.
It's like the bride with her wedding. Her life revolves around her wedding for the time leading up to it but nobody else cares as much as she does, not even the groom.
I would just drop it and move on.
Fastest year of my life.
I too agree with this. I told DH this too. Although I'm happy for new parents it's not a life changing event for me (as selfish as that seems). I'm one that really tries to push a card in the mail at least though when I get an announcement. If people are nice enough to share their news I think it's the least I can do. MIL seems to think the world revolves around DS...I had to point this out to DH too. Just because she's elated and wants to show him off doesn't mean people need to be force into seeing him. Honestly, the fewer germs around the happier I am!
This exactly. What are these out of town, extended family really supposed to do? I would be shocked if we got so much as an e-mail from DH's aunt who lives in Nebraska. When we see her at the next family event, though, I'm sure she'll coo over the baby and all that. But...I mean, what is she supposed to say if she calls? I got your announcement, congratulations? We know her well enough to know that's how she feels anyway.
I guess what I'm saying is, it's not so much that the ball is in your court or their court...I don't think there IS a court.