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harder now...

karebear57karebear57 member
in Late Term and Child Loss
I don't know how, but it feels so much harder now than when I lost Bri. I can't get it outta my head how she'd be a month old and I'd be feeding her, holding her, listening to her baby noises, dressing her up to go out to eat with her aunt and uncle. I mean, geez, I was even crying and hugging her urn. How screwed up is that? Idk, I just thought it was supposed to start getting better to handle but it feels like everythings moving backward. Is anyone thinking this too??
Tim 12/30/00 Brad 4/30/02 Alex 9/29/03 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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Re: harder now...

  • littlepenguin2012littlepenguin2012 member
    I have a had some of those feelings too.  The 12th of each month has been hard for me, since I feel like I should be counting how old he is getting, as opposed to how long he has been gone.  I think this is part of the ups and downs of grieving, the roller coaster of feelings and responses.  I am so sorry you having a tough time- sending you super ((hugs)).
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  • HeatherhahHeatherhah member
    It's been almost 5 months for my family and I tell you some days are easier if that is possible but some days for me are terrible. I feel like I could freak out at any moment. I think what you are feeling is all part of the grieving process. Huge hugs to you!!
    DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8
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  • weddedwifeweddedwife member

    For every 2 steps I've taken forward I've taken 1 back. It's a very slow process, and when I'm on the downhills I feel like I'm regressing really far back. But when I'm feeling better & I look at the "big picture" I realize I AM doing better but it's hard to recognize when you are wrapped up in it.

    The anniversaries are hard. The 2nd of every month is rough for me and his due date coming up I expect will be bad too.

    Please be gentle on yourself & allow yourself to have the bad days w/ the better ones. I too have hugged the urn MANY times and that's ok too. I caress his little framed picture & talk to him, it helps me to feel close to him. You're not crazy at all!

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  • samakasrcsamakasrc member
    When Gabriel was born, (because we knew in advance that he wouldn't live) there was an odd sense of relief that it was over. We no longer dreaded his birth/death day, we no longer wondered how long he woul dlive and we no longer worried about terrible news from various doctors. About a month later, that sense of relief was gone and all that was left was heartache and longing to hold him.  This seems very common as other moms I know who are going throught he greif process right now have also experienced the late greif, so I think its common no matter what the situation was...  Everyone says it gets better with time, but right now it seems to be getting worse.  As they say 'Its always darkest before the dawn".
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