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What was the final push to separate?
Hi, still married but divorce is on my mind everyday - my husband yells at me all the time for everything and btw EVERYTHING is my fault... He goes into rages and calls me names. My biggest issue is our 4 month ok'd son. I can't have him thinking that it is ok to treat a woman this way... Also, my husband is just uninvolved with us. He prefers to be on his smart phone or sleeping than interact with us.. He is a good provider but is that enough? Did I mention he is hoarder too?
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Re: What was the final push to separate?
My husband was the same way, he was rarely ever home and when he was his face was buried in his computer and he rarely gave me or DS the time of day. When he did he was a straight up jerk. He was angry, degrading and had a horrible temper and I hated him for months. For the longest time I considered leaving him because I knew how unhappy I was but I stayed because I was afraid of him coming after me if I left (abusive history). I was so unhappy for so long and I knew it was effecting every aspect of my life and I knew DS would be miserable if he continued to live a life like we were in.
And no, a good provider is not enough if you are unhappy. My husband wasn't even a decent provider for our family but even if he had been it would not have been enough to make me stay.
The final straw is enough to make anyone leave. He came home wasted and beat the crap out of me at 2 months pregnant with our second child for absolutely no reason at all. Nothing provoked it, not one single thing. He just completely snapped. As he was strangling me he told me he was going to kill me and DS that night. He was arrested and thrown in jail and I took that opportunity to move, get an order for protection and file for divorce.
In all honesty, I would have left much sooner had I had the right opportunity and wasn't so afraid of him simply because for so long I felt neglected and abused. If you are in a situation you are unhappy in and know that it won't get better then your best bet is to leave and give your child a better life. Try talking to him first though if it is simply unhappiness and not abuse, drugs, cheating, that sort of thing. I even tried talking to my H too for months and months and he refused to change his ways. Sometimes it is better to simply move on.
After allowing DH to "follow his dreams" of writing a book, aka playing video games until 4 am snorting coke and smoking pot while washing it down with a 1/2 gallon of scotch ever few nights, me providing for the family (2 daughters) by working 2 jobs, the final straw came when our (at the time) 3 year old came into the living room where we were fighting in front of her asking us to calm down and take a breath.....
I knew then that it was time. Not a healthy environment for anyone.
For me, it was realizing I had done everything *I* could possibly do to try and save our relationship and he was doing nothing in return. I didn't want my kids to think that this was the way a normal relationship was supposed to look like and I knew I would never want my son to treat his wife this way or my daughter to think it was ok for her husband to treat her this way.
FWIW, it took me a long time to come to this decision, almost a year and a half and I also saw two different counselors during this time.
Good luck with your decision!