Another shower whine.

Hi there. I've pretty much been a lurker since just a few weeks into my pregnancy. I'm due mid March and post here and there but have never introduced myself. I've seen from other posts you ladies are pretty good with giving straight forward advise and I need some but please be easy on me . I have tried to keep this as short as I can but you need some back story.

My step mother started offering to throw me a shower just a few months after her and my father found out I was expecting. I always politely refused because they have a history of not following through with things and they always cancel plans on me. Back in November my father told me that I had hurt my step mothers feelings because I would not let her have me the shower so I finally agreed. A few weeks later her and my father decided to sell their house to be closer to her mother (15 minutes away from where they already were). They found a new house and their move in date was to be February 1st. So, since Christmas I have been regularly asking if they were sure hosting a shower for me wasn't going to be too much on their plate. They always insisted it was not. I do talk to my father on a daily basis and am always asking how things are going with them, offering to help them where and whenever I can with the move.

So about two weeks ago I starting getting calls from some close friends asking if the shower was still on because they hadn't received invites and as it turned out my step mother had not even purchased any invites yet! I gave step mom the name of two of my friends on the guest list that were offering help ANYWHERE they could, even offering to host if she needed them to. She said she didn't need any help. Last Wednesday I called again to see if she had sent out invites or called them for help. She still hadn't even got any invites. At that point I told them that I thought it was for the best that they not have the shower. They had too much going on and I was afraid there was not enough time to give everyone notice. My dad actually sounded relieved and told me he agreed. That was the end of it. Or so I thought. 

Well, my DH was understandably upset with them and had vented to his mother after they backed out. This past Wednesday I get a text from my MIL asking if I would forward her my guest list. I did and she has managed to already set it up and has informed me everyone has RSVP'd. Everyone except my step mother and her mother, she had not been able to get in touch with through email or phone since Wednesday (she apparently got that ball rolling immediatly) My dad called me today and was upset. He says that this is going to be his only grandchild and that they wanted to be the ones to have me a shower and that they were going to have me a Meet-the-Baby party after the baby was here (which they did mention a few days after they finally backed out). They feel my MIL is doing this out of spite and that she left a "short" message on her phone with she called to invite her (her FB contact went unanswered when MIL tried to get in touch with her there). He says my step mother is not going because of this. I told my step mother that I was sure MIL was not trying to be short, but really, who knows, maybe she was. Now they are acting a little mad at me because I took up for MIL. 

I feel like I gave them every opportunity to back out. Maybe I even pestered them or my past experiences with them caused me to jump the gun and give them an out. I guess my question is do I tell them "Look, you had your chance and you didn't come through"? Should I feel bad for wanting someone to have me a shower? Am I being insensitive to them and their situation? They are the kind of people that will play victim as long as they can so it's not that I'm over analyzing here, it's just if it goes ignored that is what will happen but I also feel that I should just leave it alone. I'm not sure letting them know how hurt I was by the way they seemed to so casually blow off my shower would even do any good.

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better already. Hopefully you didn't fall asleep while reading this.