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January 2011 Moms
RedZee
member
weaning :(
RedZee
member
For the past few days, DD will not nurse. She will guzzle down pumped milk, but doesn't want to latch. I am so sad because I had thought I would be nursing in the morning and at night until around 18 months, which felt like a really long time from now. In general, I hadn't really given all that much thought to weaning because I really liked nursing and I thought DD did too. But, in order to get her to sleep longer and stuff we've been giving her a bottle with water for a while. She now prefers the bottle and wants that instead. (Last night she cuddled with it to fall asleep.)
I know that not everyone on this board was BFing, but how has everyone who was handled this transition? It's going to be a weird change in our dynamic and in parenting and in our connection. I'm really so sad about it.
DD1: born 1/19/11. DD2: born 10/10/13
This discussion has been closed.
Re: weaning :(
I'm sorry you're going through this sooner than you planned to. I think that is the roughest thing.
With both my kids I had to go on Reglan just to BF as long as I did (Aiden, 9 months and Emily, 4 months). It was really really tough with Aiden when my doctors wouldn't let me take the meds anymore and my supply dried up. I did cry about it and grieve because I felt like I was a failure for not being able to feed him enough.
With Emily my supply was crap, they took the meds away and she was refusing the bottle for DH while I was at work all weekend. She would go 12-14 hours without eating anything until I got home. When I dried up she went 36 hours without eating anything before she finally took a bottle. I was miserable and depressed over the whole ordeal. I was so happy when she took a bottle that I didn't even care about BF anymore, just glad she wasn't starving herself without me.
There's my two stories. I think it's difficult no matter what but at least in your case it's your DD who is weaning herself and you're not being forced to quit. Take time to feel sad about it because it is such a wonderful bonding experience that you won't ever have with her again.
ffejs, thanks for your response and I'm so sorry that you had to go through such a difficult time with both your children.
I hope my post didn't come across as being insensitive or smug or obnoxious. I know how challenging or impossible BFing can be (I also had some challenges - DD was in the NICU so was getting formula, then I had an oversupply, then an undersupply, then she was nursing all night long, etc.). I know that I'm lucky to have had the time I did and everything else. I just needed a place to talk about this because I have no one IRL to discuss it with and I think no matter what the weaning situation, even if it's mother-led, it is an emotional time and a major change in so many ways. There are so many feelings that go along with this and I was just hoping to get some support. I really hope I didn't offend or piss off anyone. I'm sorry if I did.
Oh my gosh now I feel awful. I didn't mean for my comment to make your experience seem insignificant at all. I was trying to put a positive light on it but I realize now it came across wrong.
You are totally valid in your feelings. I was not offended at all. I'm incredibly happy for you that you got to BF as long as you did. Probably a little jealous too but you know
I'm just going to keep having babies until I get this whole BF thing right. Which would require quitting work for me. Because my problem both times was going back to work and having a huge drop in supply.
Please keep talking about it here. I really do feel bad about what I said being taken the wrong way
No, don't you feel bad now!
BTW, Goat's Rue is amazing for milk production. It's what mothers who adopt use to initiate a milk supply and it's safe for baby. For most of the supplements, they say to use them for 2 weeks then stop for a bit otherwise they actually cause a decrease in milk supply. I hope you get to do it this time around!!
I had a hard time emotionally when I weaned too. I am a working mom, so I already had guilt for not being able to SAHM with my daughter. I pumped at work, so she was getting breakstmilk at daycare (and we nursed in the morning and at night). But by the time she was 7 months old, she had caught up to my stash. Rather then suddenly introduce formula, we started mixing it in, and she had that mix another two months before going to straight formula. I still wonder "what if I had just tried harder, pumped more, etc etc" because I really wanted her to get to 12 months and go straight to WCM (with maybe nusing at bedtime still). Anyway, BF-ing was wonderful, I am glad I got to do it as long as I did, I will always think I could have done it longer, and I think that mommy guilt will plague me in some aspect all through my daughter's life. First it was about breastfeeding, later it will be about her not being at the best daycare or not getting organic everything or us being able to afford every activity she has an interest in....
It is so crazy that no matter what choices we make we all feel guilty. In the Baby Whisperer she says that American women feel guilty about every parenting choice we make (I suspect it's not limited to the US, but whatever). It's unfair that we do that to ourselves because sometimes there are just no options. I think we're all trying to do what's best for our children and we have to accept our realities.
It's true that in my case DD seems perfectly happy with her decision and seems really fine. It's me who is lamenting the loss of that special time and connection - and special status for me. For now, I'm pumping just in case she decides she wants to re-latch and also 'cause I figure while I'm still in the mode and adjusting I can keep giving her BM. When I stop though, I totally wanna have a weekend where I go clubbing and get drunk and stuff (assuming DD will STTN at her grandparents' house) - and then afterwards I'll remember that I'm too old for that!
We weaned about 3 weeks ago. We were down to primarily morning and night for about 2 months (but sometimes threw in extras). My kid was always a huge boob fan, so I thought we would have a long, difficult weaning process. I tried to cut out just the morning feed, but keep the night one. It turned into a total battle. He didn't understand why he could have it sometimes, but not others. On a whim, I just decided to try not offering. I was both shocked and a little saddened when he didn't really seem to care much. In the last three weeks, he has pointed at my boobs once or twice and laughed a little or asked, but has been easily re-directed. He doesn't seem to miss it. This wasn't what I expected at all. The process has also been easier physically than I had expected. I do miss the easy sweet cuddles though.
I wrote a long response to this on my phone the other day and lost it...
Since I'm pg, my dr. is really pushing me to wean. I'm down to 2, sometimes 3 sessions currently. The variable 3rd session is the middle of the night one (around 4 or 5am). Sometimes he wakes up and I nurse, other times he STTN and I give WCM when he wakes up. However, the first time I tried to not nurse at that hour, I sent in DH with a water sippy and the poor kid screamed bloody murder for almost an hour until I caved and went in to nurse him. Broke my heart.
What also breaks my heart is that I know there isn't much coming out - especially since he pulls off a lot and is now biting me. I had to tell him the other day that Mommy is running out of milk. That was sad.
I would try to just not offer but the 2 left are the ones right before his nap and bedtime. He may very well be fine without it but I know I hold on to it more than I should....hopefully we can both comfortably finish nursing within the next 2 weeks. I'd like to be done by my next OBGYN appointment.
Point is, the only perfect scenario I can think of is that LO is ready at the exact time Mom is ready...but how common is that?!?
I think it's so commendable that you are still even pumping!! You did great Momma...like PP said - ANY time we've devoted to our kids with BF is wonderful and you and your LO lasted a lot longer than most moms I know. Good job!!
Thanks ladies!
So after I posted this and spent the day trying to come to terms with weaning, DD threw up (first time it was real vomit). Then she had diarrhea. She was really cranky and I tried nursing her and she latched and had a normal session again. Today, I nursed her in the AM and PM. So now I'm thinking it might have been a nursing strike. It's very confusing. I'm just trying to see how things go and take it one day at a time.
MrsLynny: We night weaned 6 weeks ago because DD was getting up 3 times a night and I just could not function at all anymore. I started out pumping and having DH give her 4 oz in a bottle. We did 1/2 oz less each night (so, 3.5, then 3, then 2.5). If she wanted more to drink after that she got water. After a few nights she started sleeping. Now it seems that the bottle is her transitional object. She needs to have some water in a bottle before bed now. It worked well for us and there was not that much crying. I think we had 1 night with a bunch of crying where we took turns cuddling her, but I think she even nursed or got milk in a bottle that night. I can't remember.