Do you ever wonder about this.....

amazing22324 · February 2012

So I know after my 2 losses, the #1 thing I heard was, "It was meant to be, you will go on to have the children you are supposed to have." Although these words sting, I do wonder, who are my children then? Am I meant to have boys or girls? There is a small part of me that thinks, maybe I am meant to go on to IVF and get pregnant with multiples or am I meant to have no children? I don't know what the future holds, but if my 2 angel babies weren't "meant to be" then what is meant to be?? Who will my babies be??

Am I the only one who wonders about the future?? Or do you gals also think, well if this baby wasn't "meant to be" then what is meant to be??

pinktrojanbride120107 · February 2012

I'm constantly thinking about the future, and to be honest, really afraid to find out. I'm terrified that it might not be good.

elvinnoe · February 2012

Same here. My husband wants to try again soon, but I'm terrified of going through this again. What kind of life is planned out for me if this was in the cards the whole time?? I'm having a hard time trusting tomorrow.

amazing22324 · February 2012

wow, it's like you girls are in my head. I too am terrified of the future, but have to trust that my 2 angel babies just weren't meant to be and I will go on to have children. But then at the same time, I am so scared that maybe I am going to be that 5% that just cant have children. I am hopeful since I did get pregnant twice in a row, but at the same time, my body could not hold those pregnancies, so something must be wrong. Ugh....sorry we all have to go through this girls

misstrish521 · February 2012

I really want to try again, and so does MH. I am absolutely terrified though. I already know that the next time I'm pregnant I am going to be a paranoid mess until at least the 2nd tri. I totally understand where you're coming from.

And I just want to add, if someone had said something like that to me, I would have flipped. The babies we have lost are just as much our babies as the ones that are born healthy.

holly321 · February 2012

I hate hearing "it was meant to be" or "there will be other babies."

It doesn't make it any easier that it was meant to be. And who knows that I can have more children. My parents couldn't after me, and they were younger than I am!

Not trying to be negative. I just don't understand why people think those statements are comforting.

MWoodside · February 2012

i do. i have a precious dd, but i wonder what the gender of this baby was, although i wouldnt want to know for sure.

i feel confident i will have more kids. i am trying to stay positive right now so i am not allowing myself to think anything else. all but 1 person i know who had one or more mc went on to have children so i am focusing on perseverence right now.

amazing22324 · February 2012

holly321:

I hate hearing "it was meant to be" or "there will be other babies."

It doesn't make it any easier that it was meant to be. And who knows that I can have more children. My parents couldn't after me, and they were younger than I am!

Not trying to be negative. I just don't understand why people think those statements are comforting.

No I totally feel that way too. And the more I thought about it, the more angrier I felt. Why wasn't he or she meant to be?? And you're right, it really isn't really comforting!

jillychris · February 2012

amazing22324:
holly321:

I hate hearing "it was meant to be" or "there will be other babies."

It doesn't make it any easier that it was meant to be. And who knows that I can have more children. My parents couldn't after me, and they were younger than I am!

Not trying to be negative. I just don't understand why people think those statements are comforting.

No I totally feel that way too. And the more I thought about it, the more angrier I felt. Why wasn't he or she meant to be?? And you're right, it really isn't really comforting!

I too get really angry when people say things like this. Don't tell me thus wasn't meant to be when there are pregnant drug addicts out there...you're tellng me that's meant to be, but my baby wasn't???

SJKB0212 · February 2012

I completely understand. It took us 2.5 years to get pregnant, and it was gone in an instant. I worry that this was a fluke and I will never get pregnant again, and I worry about staying pregnant even more.

I hate hearing those phrases, especially since I really don't know if there will be another chance. I am often overwhelmed with the idea that I lost my only chance.

uneek1323 · February 2012

I agree. I feel the same way.

And then I think - Well, if this baby wasn't meant to be, what makes him/her any different from the babies who survive - the babies who are meant to be?

And then I cry some more.

Albah · February 2012

There really isn't anything anyone can say to make us feel better after a loss. I have come to terms with the fact that if I tell someone, they are going to try and say something to make me feel better and I appreciate it. I think the closest thing to helping is hearing other people's stories and that we are not alone in this. And a simple hug goes a very long way. But if they have never had a loss, then responses will always include, "i'm sorry for your loss," or "things happen for a reason", or "it wasn't meant to happen."

I think we all get it, "it wasn't meant to happen". I mean, if we lost the pregnancy it was for a reason....most of the time a chromosomal abnormality. But it sucks to hear it. Whether it was meant to happen or not, it's such a terrible thing to go through. And "why" will always accompany us. For some of us it may be a medical issue that with the help of our doctors we can find some answers, and for others (and probably most of us) it is just a random occurrence.

At this point after my loss, I choose to try and not dwell on the "why" because I know I will never get an answer. But I know exactly how you feel, because I asked myself that same question over and over during the earlier stages. I hope that you can get some closure soon. <hugs>

scifimama · February 2012

Just wanted to let you know that out of 6 pregnancies, I have 3 children over the span of the last 13 years since we were officially "trying". I will always remember the 3 who were lost. I wonder about them (boy or girl) and what life would have been like. I had two missed miscarriages that were 2 years apart - they were both 9 1/2 weeks along, and I had u/s pictures and heartbeat sounds. After accepting that it was not going to happen again, we got pregnant when I was 39 quite by accident. I did not accept that we were going to have a baby until after she was born in the hospital ! Because of the two previous miscarriages, I took Prometrium from week 5 to 12 of that pregnancy, and then had 17P injections from 20-35 weeks to prevent prematurity. (2nd born was a 32 week preemie boy) I will say that I have put miscarriage in that category of "un -understandable", even from a Christian perspective. I wonder if God has need for babies in heaven or something. I do believe they have life there and I will meet them someday. That may be crazy for some people to believe, but I surely do. I also think medicine does not have all the answers. Why did my progesterone work for my two older boys, but not for the miscarried ones? Who even knows if it was the progesterone, although it did ultimately result in a successful pregnancy (my daughter). I guess I would just let you know that although my life has not gone according to my plans, I believe God is working it out for my good and His purposes (even though I don't understand it here). I've sent up a prayer for you today!

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