- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Blended Families
Options
This won't last much longer.
So after I posted here this morning, and before I headed to work we had a big family talk/argument.
SS was griping to his dad how we treat him like a 15 year old. I overheard him and marched into the room and said, "Well if the shoe fits." He looked at me like WTF? and I laid into him about how he's almost 30, he has no job, no rent, no bills to pay, no car, no phone, no life whatsoever to call his own, he's living off of everyone and anyone, AND he cops an attitude and acts like he knows everything. JUST like a teenager.
Long story short, I essentially told him if he wants us to treat him like an adult he should start acting like one. He threatened his dad that he would just leave. Fine. Go.
DH then worked him all day and when DH came to get me from work, DH was fed up and not happy. SS copped an attitude and acted like he knew more than DH. DH lit into him.
DH also told me he's tired of this and that once SS leaves, this is it. He said if SS doesn't change his tune, he's out and we will never ever put up or help anyone ever again. He's done. And boy....did he sure sound like he was really done.
Bottom line, SS is not getting it. I get the impression he thinks his life is going to just happen to him and all he has to do is sit there and wait for it to arrive. He's in for a seriously rude awakening because he will be homeless if he doesn't figure his sh*t out right quick.
After I laid it out, I felt so much better. The end is near. I don't even care anymore and I no longer get stressed about it. It's only a matter of short time before he's gone.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: This won't last much longer.
A thought for you. This is typical addict behavior. He is LOOKING for a reason to go use. If he can get mad, start a fight, throw a tantrum and leave, then he can justify in his head that it's ok to go get high. Call him on it. He'll deny it and be pissed, but he'll know you're on to him. Say it in a calm moment and catch him off guard "You know, SS, I'm worried, you seem ansty and upset, and I've noticed that you seem to be trying to pick a fight to give yourself reason to leave and go get high. I hope I'm wrong". It will eat at him, but it will stay in his head. And he won't be able to justify using anymore because he'll know that HE picked the fight that led to it.
Very good point. I thought the same thing. Yet another reason why I don't think this will last long.
You should have marched into the room and said "no, your DAD gets treated like a 15 year old. You are younger than him, so you get treated like a 5 year old."
Seriously. You need to step back. Your H can handle an argument with his own son without you. If your H had any b*lls before he met you, you've completed the job of fully emasculating him. You are part of the problem in this family dynamic.
I have followed your story and have rooted for your family to overcome all the challenges that your SD and SS have caused. I really like you and have cheered you on and been disappointed along with you.
However, this post makes me think that you are actually hoping that SS fails and you will no longer have to deal with him. I hope this is me misreading your tone due to your frustration. SS seems to be trying. He's no angel and he is not following the rules (like not playing video games all night), but please pick your battles. If he is up in the morning to go work with his dad, then he'll eventually figure out that he'll feel better if he doesn't play video games all night. It's part of growing up. He's trying to figure out what to do with his spare time - he has no money, no friends. Reminding him that he has no job, etc. just plays into his self pity. I know he has taken advantage of you in the past and that's hard to forgive. You are giving him a chance to change himself - he may not seem grateful now, but please bear in mind that you can't do everything for gratitude, but the knowledge that you did what was right.
I wish you and your family the best in this difficult ongoing situation.
Jessy's girl had a good thought there. And I hate to say it, because I've always pretty much agreed with what you've put up here, but everyone is right. I'd say go get a massage and enjoy some you time, because you sound really wound up.
I always tell my husband that people will live up to your expectations, if you expect them to fail, they will.
Well CRAP, what an eye opener. My first AlAnon meeting and now seeing these posts for the first time.
Tonite I have come to realize that I am not the kind of personality that can deal with addicts or individuals like SD and SS. I just have no sympathy or patience.
How timely with Whitney Houston dying too. I pretty much thought "Wow" for one second and thought "no surprise" the next and I had no sympathy for her as well. I obviously don't see addiction as an illness, but as a weakness. And maybe that's wrong of me.
Right now, I just don't have it in me. When I encountered people like SS and SD in my life prior to marrying DH, I simply ejected them from my life and moved on. How I missed this when we were dating I'll never understand - except I didn't want to see it and I foolishly believed that providing a good home and being a good mom would be enough. DH thought that too, and I guess we both were wrong. In the end tho I really blame me. I am just not the right personality to take such things on and I should have known that.
Love is blind. And it most certainly does not fix everything. I was an idiot for not wanting to see what was so obviously there. If I had opened my eyes, I wouldn't have had to go thru any of this.
What I'm going to do about it... I don't know. Keep going to meetings I guess and figure things out. Maybe I need to still divorce DH but for different reasons than I originally thought. Not because of him or his kids, but now I am feeling like maybe it's because I am not the right wife for him or the right SM for his kids. I don't know. I used to think it was because of him and his inablility to be the dad I think he should be, when maybe all along it's me that's been wrong and blind.
I have so much to think about.
Thank you everyone for being honest. I need to hear these things. I have alot to think about and for once I want to think thru it without the emotion and thru anger and hurt. I just need to think with a clear head and thru clear eyes.
Not just for me, but for DD. She's my priority and I have to figure it out for her and do right by her.
Whatever you get from this please don't take it that you should have put up with more. Yes, maybe you could have dealt differently/better, hell we all could do better sometimes, but honestly I think most people here think you put up with too much for too long. But that how you were dealing with him right now in this moment can be different. And even if you should have/could have done differently as a SM, it does not for a second mean you were not right about how DH parented those kids. If you think you were/are wrong about something it does not mean that someone else was right.
Good luck, we are all here for you.