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Attachment Parenting
I've created a boob monster (kinda long)
I should start off by introducing myself. I'm a 27 year old mother of a beautiful little girl named Kaylan who is almost 7 months old. I am an exclusive breast feeding, co-sleeping, organic baby food making, baby wearing momma. I bring my LO to work with me, so she's nursed almost exclusively. For these reasons (and more) I feel like I can relate more to "attachment parenting" than other boards on the bump. Hopefully you all can give me some advice with my current situation.
My problem is Kay now won't go to sleep without being nursed. I nurse her to sleep every night, and a couple times during the night in bed. Well, I take that back, she'll fall asleep in the car, but that's it. I don't mind it actually, I love the bond we have, and there is nothing better than seeing her fast asleep, still latched on. I love it. But it's getting increasingly difficult to leave her for any amount of time. I bring her to work with me, which is awesome, but some mornings I will leave her with her daddy if I have some important work to do. She has started refusing to fall asleep with a bottle of pumped milk. Then when he brings her to me, she's over tired and will nurse and nurse, but those pretty blue eyes just won't close. I'm also toying with the idea of putting her in daycare a couple days a week so she can get some social interaction and stimulation. It was easy enough to stimulate her here at work when she was 3-4 months old, but it's getting increasingly difficult to keep her entertained, and keep up with my workload. I'm worried that if I put her in daycare 2-3 days a week it will (1) Mess up her schedule of eating/napping. She has put herself on a pretty solid schedule and it takes a while for her to adjust. We go through it every weekend. and (2) I'm afraid that since she won't sleep without nursing, she'll get over-tired and over-stimulated and end up being miserable in daycare.
Now I don't agree with the CIO method. We've tried pacifiers, but she's never really liked them. She uses them more as a toy than as a soothing/sleep tool.Are there any ways I can break this cycle/habit without using the CIO/ferber method? I would really like her to enjoy her time with daddy and at daycare without getting over-tired daily.
TIA!
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Re: I've created a boob monster (kinda long)
I'm mostly a lurker here on the AP board, but this is what we did with my DD- although it did involve some crying.
My DH took over. He would rock her to sleep after I fed her, and then lay her down. Every night, every time she woke up, DH got her. He would pick her up and try to soothe her back to sleep. If after 5-6 minutes she was still crying, I would nurse and start again the next time she woke up. After 3 days she would fall asleep with DH with no crying. After a few more days I started helping in the middle of the night. Once she started STTN and falling asleep without nursing, I worked on naptime when DH was at work (I SAH).
Your LO needs to be able to be soothed by her daddy if you are ever going to leave her, and since daddies can't nurse (I wish sometimes LOL!) this is the gentlest way I found to help DD be soothed without nursing. HTH!
Thanks! Yeah, I don't mind nursing her to sleep at night, and even the night time feedings don't bother me since we co-sleep. I will try tonight to feed her, and then let him rock her to sleep, but I'm not going to hold my breath. It's just hard though because she associates him with playtime, and me with feeding/sleep. We talked about transitioning her out of our bed and into her own room in the spring, we might have to move it up a bit.
This has been a progressive problem. She used to go down for naps with him with a bottle, and then suddenly she just stopped. She'll still take a bottle, and she'll get drowsy, but as soon as he sets her in her R&P, her little eyes pop open. I want to avoid CIO if possible, but I want to do what's best for her. Maybe we'll start with just a couple of minutes, and see if we see any improvement.
I was in basically the same situation, but returned to work at 6 months and could not bring LO with me. Also, she doesn't take a bottle. Anyway, I was worried about sleep, but LO would sometimes fall asleep being walked by MH when she was fussy/full/not nursing for whatever other reason.
The first couple of days, it was hard for her to fall asleep without me, and she was a little over tired. Now, she takes long naps, falls asleep easily with other care givers. They just needed the time and space to figure out their own method. Some fussing was certainly involved, but she was never left alone to cry, so I don't consider that CIO. I consoled myself that she was in the arms of people she loved and who loved her, so even if it was hard for her, she knew she was safe and taken care of.
I guess my advice is to leave the house and let someone else try to put her down. It may not go well- that'll be ok. Also, at daycare, they will be so experienced, I wouldn't worry. They'll know what to do and she may have a few tired days, but she'll figure it out. Let them know her schedule and things will work themselves out in time.
Ok, do we have the same baby? Like seriously! Everything you wrote can describe my DD. except the falling asleep in the car. I actually have nursed her while she was in the car seat on a long ride before.
Anyway, we are going to try to break the nursing to sleep association soon. I am the only one who can put her to sleep and after almost 7 months, mama needs a break. There will be tears because she's protesting what she knows.
We don't have an iron clad plan but I know DH needs to get involved. Can your DH wear her to get her down? We've had inconsistent success with that. I've been trying to wear her to sleep more since at least DH can do that. Then we'll go from there I guess. GL. You're not alone!
I have a very similar setup with work and can relate. When DH has to put DS down, he lays down with him and gives him a pacifier. DS and I do nursing to sleep, but DH has developed his own non-milk strategies. But, that is what he does NOW--back at your stage he'd do whatever it took (as it sounds like your family is willing to do). I guess my point is twofold:
1- Work on DH getting LO down. It is not CIO if baby is with a loving caregiver. So, decide how much crying you can handle and then let him take over. DH may need to wear LO down in a carrier, rock, read books, walk baby in-arms, etc. When they get to a point where he tries to get baby down, he could lay down with baby, stay there for awhile, then inch away ever-so-slowly. A great rule is "move yourself not the baby". DH doesn't have to do it all the time, but in our house since I do most naps and overnights, DH does most bedtimes.
2- Baby sleep just gets wacky around this age. You probably haven't created anything (other than a wonderfully attached baby)--your baby is just changing in normal (but exhausting) ways. At 7 mo, DS shifted to waking every 2 hours, which lasted until 12 mo. I am not saying that has to happen, but it is one of many examples that baby sleep patterns are not progressive. With each phase of development, sleep can be smoother or tougher. Even if you end up deciding to change nothing, eventually LO will change and get out of this.
Personally, I did not care for the book No Cry Sleep Solution because sleep rituals are not a reality with DS being sometimes at home and sometimes at work/every day is a little different for us, but many families do like that book, so it may be worth a read.
More Green For Less Green
My DD started daycare 3 mornings a week at 6 months. I was worried about her having to nap in a crib since she refused to do so at home. She would sleep in the crib at night without any problem, just not for naps, and napped in the swing until 15 months. One day she was just done with that and has been napping in the crib since.
Anyway, she adjusted just fine to napping in the crib at daycare even though she would refuse to do so at home. At that age I actually did not nurse her to sleep for a nap (unless she just happened to fall asleep on me). She would napin the swing, i would have her suck on my pinkie since she refused a paci as well and even thoug at times it would take a while it would work. Once she started refusing the pinkie I would read a couple of books to her and then sing til she fell asleep. Once she moved to one nap a day (which is also when she switched to crib napping) I started nursing her to sleep for nap and still do at 20 months. However, she has no problem falling asleep at daycare without me and when my friend was babysitting her she actually asked to go down for a nap. The (very) few times we have had a baby sitter she has done fine going to bed at night without nursing (i still nurse before bedtime but unless she is exhausted she won't fall asleep).
Now, my DH never does bedtime so I don't know how she would do with him. If I were out of the house she probably would do OK but we have not had the need to try that. Actually he did it once when I was picking my sis up at the airport. He actually took her for a drive because he had to pick his niece up so she was good and drowsy and then rocked her to sleep once home.
Kids will do thing for other people that they won't do for you (like entertaining themselves!) but it may be hard if you are anywhere near her when your DH tries to get her to bed (as in she knows you are home).
I guess I don't have any real advice but like I said, kids will do things for others that they won't do for mom so you may be pleasantly surprised. When the sitter puts DD to bed now she does the same routine (brush teeth, jammies and sleepsack) then sits in the rocking chair and gives her a straw sippy of water until she pushes it away and then puts her in the crib. She fusses for a couple of minutes and then she is out! That would never work for me.
She may need some time to adjust to daycare but mine adjusted really quickly much to my surprise (she also had major stranger anxiety that started at 4 months but was never an issue at daycare). She will probably do fine and love it.
I am enjoying my nursing relationship while I can because it won't last forever and DD is my one and only one. So I don't mind still nursing her before bed (and like I said she doesn't actually fall asleep nursing anymore other than at naptime) since I know she can fall asleep for others without it.
Good luck!