Everyone around me

Heatherhah · February 2012

seems to be either getting pregnant or are pregnant. My support group last night there were 3 loss mommies pregnant again. While I am happy for them I feel like it may not happen for us again, I am almost 39 and had issues with getting pregnant with Sydney so of course I am sort of freaking out on the inside but not letting people know. I am hoping that by some miracle I get my BFP this month. I go see my Re next Thursday but I am not hopeful since last time they wanted me to do IVF and we got pregnant with Sydney before starting the process.

On a different note the ladies in my support group that were pregnant I asked them how they were feeling about their pregnancy and they all had the same remarks they are detached even after finding out what they are having. These woman had their babies and they passed after they were born. I am so worried if I do get pregnant how I will be since Sydney didn't come into this world alive. If they are detached how will I be? I'm so scared but not scared enough not to try again. This whole thing is nuts and I feel like a crazy person. I just hope I can get my BFP before needing medical intervention.

Heather

magdalina.h · February 2012

I was the exact opposite with my pregnancy with Lucas. I knew that I would feel great guilt if something happened to "Nugget" (That's was my nickname for Lucas) and I didn't love him and have the same excitement for him as I did for Aidan. I was a nervous wreck, but I was very attached to him. I tried at the beginning to not be, but I had spotting early on and thought I was losing him. I sobbed all weekend and that's what proved to me that I couldn't be not attached.

Heatherhah · February 2012

magdalina- tha'ts how I think I will feel happy to be pregnant as long as I am allowed to be if I am able again. I would feel guilty if I didn't.

Gizu92708 · February 2012

I'm sorry Heather. I hope you get your BFP soon. Im rooting for you.

hugs

dandywarhol · February 2012

I feel your pain, Heather. Left Hug

I'm beginning to get really depressed about this whole TTCAL thing. I thought that it would be easy to get pregnant again. I had the "what did I do wrong? Why am I being punished" vibe today. Everything was perfect this cycle but no go. Next cycle it is looking like I'll be out of town when I O so that effs things up for next cycle. *sigh*

pottermommy · February 2012

I think alot of PGAL women try to convince theirselves that they are detatched or not excited simply b/c they are scared. And you think if you don't get attatched that it won't hurt if you lose it.

Now I was in disbelief and was positive that something was going to happen the whole time but at the same time I was terrified of losing him. I couldn't fathom how I would deal if I lost him too.. That is still a fear of mine.

I think you will be nervous and scared but you will love that baby from the get go, shoot Heather you already love that baby to the point of being afraid that you won't get it.

I firmly believe from knowing you that you will be excited and so in love from the start but you will still be scared and the normal pgal ball of emotions.

BIG BIG HUGS!

Carolee · February 2012

I understand completely. I'm the only one out of my group of friends without a living child, and there is a strong possibility I may never have one. It stinks so much.

I can also relate to the detached feeling - I had two early losses after losing Eliott, and I felt and still feel detached. I'm sad, but it's not the same sad feeling like with Eliott. If I am ever lucky enough to be pregnant again, I also fear I will be entirely detached throughout the pregnancy.

Heatherhah · February 2012

Thank you ladies. I know i will totally love my rainbow heck I already have names picked out for a boy and a girl LOL!! I think I will be afraid but I will be in love fromt hat first BFP!! I will be attached instantly for sure. I was finding myself so jealous of these ladies last night I was kind of asshamed of myself honestly. But I know that is part of the grieving journey!! TTCAL is so hard I keep saying it because it is so damn true!!!

krysiahamaty · February 2012

I'm sorry. Crossing my fingers for you that you get your BFP. Hugs.

erbarmywife · February 2012

I got my BFP, and sobbed. First, for happiness, I want this baby so badly. Then I sobbed in fear. Fear of losing another baby, fear not loving her enough. I havent had her, obviously, but I am only just now starting to feel like she may come home. And that's only because I finally convinced myself to buy some baby stuff.