Nice way to let people know you don't want them to hold baby?

Nesaea2012 · February 2012

How do you let peole know that you are not comfortable with them holding/touching your baby?

At the hospital when people visit they just expect to sit there and hold your baby and take pictures (and plaster them all over facebook). But I am not comfortable with that.

My In-laws and my mom and dad can...but I do not want my dad's wife (who is evil and I hate...mean I know but it is what it is) or my mom's boyfriend to hold my baby. I am just not comfortable with it and I don't know how to avoid just out-right telling my parents this.

Any tips?

lissag24 · February 2012

I don't think there is a nice way of saying it and I'm not really sure I understand why. I mean its totally your decision but do you mean you don't want them to ever hold your baby because I just can't see that happening

Maybe tell them you don't want them at the hospital but I think your going to have to eventually let them hold the baby

casoldier03 · February 2012

I am not sure how you would go about it without hurting feelings either. If you feel that strongly about it, then why even allow them to come to the hospital? I guess you could always just tell them before they even make the trip to see you guys. I would be completely pissed if I were singled out like that and would probably not even bother coming to see the baby if I knew that was the response I would get. Just my honest opinion.

frasey · February 2012

could you maybe talk to your parents beforehand and explain how you feel? Or would that offend them? That said, they and their SOs will probably be offended anyways...

dmsny · February 2012

A friend of ours just became a grandpa, and when he went to the hospital to visit, his daughter in law would not let him hold the baby citing "my mom has not held the baby yet." Sounds pretty selfish to me.

megahof · February 2012

I hate to say it, but people are going to get offended no matter what you do. I told my mom that I didn't want my brother holding my baby, and I have an excellent reason -- the man can't go 15 minutes without smoking a cigarette, and he smells just FOUL. I care more about my baby's health (and don't want her face basically shoved in a human ashtray during the first few hours of her life) than I do my brother's feelings. But somehow I ended up being the "rude," "insensitive" and "selfish" one in the scenario. Even with a completely legitimate reason for wanting to keep your baby out of someone's arms, you're going to offend. Wish I could give advice instead of an anecdote, but that's all I've got. :-/

first=time=mom2012 · February 2012

I don't know if you are super close to your parents or not, but if you ever let them babysit or keep the baby, those people will be holding your baby. My dad's new wife knows that I can't stand her, so she doesn't come to functions with him. I think you should tell your parents how you feel and it would probably hurt your dad more than your mom, considering that she isn't married her boyfriend. The pics I can understand, but you could be alienating your parents with your decision.

lancyjo · February 2012

Your baby, your rules.

Make sure that you and your hubs are on the same page, first of all. Then, just be honest. You'll hurt feelings and make waves, but it's ultimately your decision.

If it were me, I'd at least give Mom and Dad a heads up before d-day that these are your wishes. (but be prepared to answer the hard questions and to have to stand firm to their protests and attempts at negotiations.)

cheese.fiend · February 2012

I don't think there's a nice way to say this, especially if you are allowing some people to hold the baby and some people not to. The fact of the matter is, these people are important to your parents... at some point, you're going to have to get used to them being around your child or risk damaging your relationship with your parents.

The photo thing is easy to explain... the "no baby holding b/c I hate you"... not so much.

Karley0212 · February 2012

This sounds like the situation I am in too! I do not agree with PPers about the whole suck it up idea! I have not met my FIL's wife and was not aware they were even invited to the hospital! My MIL told me today that H said they were coming. Well I am sorry but I am going to be exhausted, dirty and extremely elated to have my son. I don't want her to come and I definately will not let her hold my fresh baby! Same with my Dad's girlfriend. She will not be welcome. If they want to make efforts when he is a few weeks old to come visit then they can!

My MIL made a very valid point today. H and mine's Dads gave up their New Grandpa status when they stopped considering us important.

Now I have no idea how to tell them no but our mom's get to meet baby first! Then we will go through siblings and such. Don't change what you want! GL!

MarnieMS · February 2012

I agree with the above, don't change what you want. This is your baby and do what you are comfortable with. We have lots of rules for what I am going to allow and not allow, and I do not feel bad about it.

jju_stb_jju · February 2012

Is there a legitimate reason other than you hating then that you don't want them carrying your little one? I'm sorry but people make it a point to visit your Baby, they come from wherever they are to take time to visit and congratulate you, I think its nice to let them hold baby, even if only for a bit. I dislike my mil as well as my husbands brother and his fiancee, but how I see it is if they made it a point to come see us I could let then hold my son, the only concern I had was people washing their hands. Not sure what advice to give you other than just straight up telling them, possibly even before hand, because I know if I went to visit someone and was singled out I would be upset.

FormerlyKrista555 · February 2012

I agree with the PP's... there is no nice way to say it.

Nesaea2012 · February 2012

Sorry, here is some background: My dad didn't even tell me he got re-married, I saw it on Facebook. I haven't seen him in over 2 months (since the baby shower) and they live less than 5 minutes from my house. He rarely calls. I love him and he will always be my dad, but ever since he met this woman she has alienated his family from him and I do not ever want a relationship with her. It's sad, and maybe I am a brat about it but a father shouldn't let that ever happen. My other siblings (all 6 of us) have seen it so it's not just me. Plus his wife works at a childcare facility and she has not been vaccinted with the TDAP vaccine. My mother's boyfriend is very uncomfortable around children and when my sister came in town for the baby shower she brought my 4 month old niece and he felt obligated to hold her and he was not comfortable at all and I am just worried he might drop my baby.

I am a first time mom and worry about everything. Maybe it will get better with time, but for now I would rather set boundries and be the 'selfish' and 'insensitive' one.

I understand people want to congradulate us and see the baby, and I am not saying they can't EVER hold him...but at first I would rather them not.

MarnieMS · February 2012

I would say it just like that then.

FormerlyKrista555 · February 2012

For what it's worth... people don't drop babies unless they're drunk or have some other sort of ailment. They really don't.

However, it sounds like you have more concerns than just him potentially dropping the baby.

Nesaea2012 · February 2012

I know people don't drop them, lol it sounds stupid I know...I am just worried. I think when the time comes I will be fine. I am just a worry wart I guess.

Kriz_b · February 2012

See, now I can see your POV with your dad. I would just tell him he's not welcome to come to the hospital or fail to call him when the baby arrives.

Can you talk to your mom and just say how you noticed how BF seemed uncomfortable holding your sister's child and you're just worried about his comfort level holding the baby. Or just be super nice to him and offer him a perch on the end of your bed then hand the baby over when he's sitting?

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