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More of a general parenting question...

FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member
in Blended Families

I hope you all don't mind my asking here, since this is where I post most frequently.

How do you teach impulse control?  I have a (almost) 9 y/o SD who cannot seem to control her actions.  If you tell her to do something you get either no reaction, or a very slow one.  But if you tell her not to do something she almost instantaneously does it.  And she does some things without thinking, things that could potentially hurt her or someone else.

I know to a degree this is normal, but I think at this age SD should be able to use her head a little better.  She has no disorder that should preclude her from being able to control herself (no ADHD, no autism, etc.. we've had her checked out by the pediatrician) and I'm starting to wonder when immaturity stops being an excuse.

How do you all teach your children (or step-children) impulse control?

Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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Re: More of a general parenting question...

  • rjbell08rjbell08
    We have gone through this too...truly the only thing that has worked for us is being firm in reprimanding and enforcing consequences. We tried taking away TV, grounding, etc, but those punishments didn't do a whole lot. Once we found something that made a difference to her whether she had it or not, we went after that first. On the other hand, it doesn't always work, but repeatedly standing our ground has shown her that that behavior isn't going to be tolerated.
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  • juliettoddjuliettodd

    We had/have this same problem with youngest son.  I think he behaved impulsively because he was just reacting instead of thinking things through to the consequences.  He did not relate his behavior to the punishment, he just hated us for punishing him.  Taking things away from him did not work.  It seemed like he was always in trouble and always grounded for something.  This turned into a worse attitude of "we'll I'm already in trouble, I might as well do what I want anyway".  He was getting way to much negative attention.  I was worried the constant punishment was as unhealthy for him as not punishing him (cause you have to teach your kids how to behave right?).  

    We now try and use every opportunity in a conversation to talk about choices and consequences.  It hasn't happened over night but I definitely see improvement in his decision making process.  When he is resisting, I just very calmly say, "well these are the choices and these are the possible consequences, which one is it going to be?"  He knows he is in control of his behavior and the consequences.  He is learning to think it through and make a decision about his behavior based on the outcome he wants.  Or learn what he might have done differently if he didn't like a particular outcome he got.  It has been a long hard road though. 

    I hope other posters share some good ideas.  I could use more help in this department also.

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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member

    image-auntie-:
    Just an FYI- autism and ADHD dxs are beyound the expertise of a PCP/pediatrician. Only a clinical pyschologist, psychiatrist, dev pedi or neuropsych can make this call. I would no more trust DS's pedi than my cat's vet to make this call.

    I suppose that's true.  Would impulsive behavior be a sufficient reason to seek this kind of help?

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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