Vent: Modern Family

07may07 · February 2012

Did anyone see Modern Family this week? I usually LOVE this show. I always find myself laughing out loud.

But, this week kind of made me sad. I just feel like the whole way they dealt with the donor egg issue was not fair. Everyone made it out to be creepy and weird. I completely respect if, in the light of day and not drunk, donating eggs to her brother wasn't what either of them wanted. I think that is fine and it's completely a personal decision. But, everyone's reactions were just kind of cruel and mocking about the idea. They basically compared it to inbreeding (when in reality it would have been her egg with her BIL's sperm).

I know I'm particularly sensitive b/c my twins are from a DE cycle and we used my sisters eggs. Sure, I'm biased but I think what my sister did for us is amazing, kind and generous not weird and creepy. I know that some people have a hard time wrapping their heads around it. I get it and I'm okay with that. But, the mocking nature of the episode really got to me.

vanessagorc · February 2012

I honestly think that the public is so unaware of what IF is really like, and what the gifts of DE/DS actually are.

I had a friend who donated eggs years ago....when babies were soooooo far from my mind. We all thought it was so weird, and that she should have managed her money better so that she didn't need to do this for cash.

Fast forward to now, i wish I had been a donor. I bet i would have been great. I'm getting 13 decent eggs at age 36. It would have been an amazing gift for someone.

My point being, so few people actually walk in our shoes...it's really the minority who "get it".

labbylover03 · February 2012

I completely agree. My DH and I watched the episode to and when Claire said something about how important seeing both of you in your kids is...I immediately said to DH "maybe we shouldn't watch this episode." We used anonymous donor sperm and I hate for DH to hear stuff like that...And your sister absolutely did an amazing thing for you! People just don't get it. My own SIL (married to DH's middle brother) told me it would be weird if DH's oldest brother donated for us (which he had offered). I was like "why? Sisters donate their eggs to their sisters all the time. What makes it different for a brother to help a brother?" Her response "it just is. " To which I replied "Um, no it's the exact same thing." In the end my DH made the choice of anonymous, but her ignorance still pisses me off to this day!!

may2806 · February 2012

(lurking from IFV)

I had the same reaction to the episode. The general population is really ignorant about DE, so I don't think it was fair to use it as fodder for comedy. Yes, some of the characters thought it was 'beautiful' of her to offer to donate eggs, but some of the other comments - 'freakshow', 'Appalachian', 'unnatural' - just seemed downright mean. I get that this show is irreverent, and I usually laugh out loud, but this just hit too close to home. I was in tears afterwards thinking that if we do have success with DE, the world is going to look at me (or my child) as a 'freakshow.'

The line about seeing yourself and your husband in your children also made me sad, but I did like at the end how the dads said they saw themselves in their adopted daughter even though they didn't 'make' her.

But overall, shame on you, Modern Family!

mandalinn25 · February 2012

I haven't seen that show, but I felt the same way about the sperm donor story line in Brothers and Sisters. I am glad that the shows are trying to bring these issues to the public, but they are falling short of what truly goes on and I feel end up perpetuating the stigmas.

theworms · February 2012

labbylover03:
I completely agree. My DH and I watched the episode to and when Claire said something about how important seeing both of you in your kids is...I immediately said to DH "maybe we shouldn't watch this episode." We used anonymous donor sperm and I hate for DH to hear stuff like that...And your sister absolutely did an amazing thing for you! People just don't get it. My own SIL (married to DH's middle brother) told me it would be weird if DH's oldest brother donated for us (which he had offered). I was like "why? Sisters donate their eggs to their sisters all the time. What makes it different for a brother to help a brother?" Her response "it just is. " To which I replied "Um, no it's the exact same thing." In the end my DH made the choice of anonymous, but her ignorance still pisses me off to this day!!

that part upset me too, along with the conversation in the beginning with the other gay couple who said the swirled the sperm, um no, that is not done ever! you don't swirl sperm.

unless you have to make these choices people just don't get it and think it's weird. i think donors (whether known or anon) are amazingly selfless people. the gift they gift others is beyond words.

i did like how supportive haley and alex were of their mom helping her bro and how at the end when cam and red head dude find lily organizing her room they realize how much lily is like them even though there isn't a bio connection

byrne15 · February 2012

yeah....I love modern family, but I wasn't thrilled with that episode.

Not just because of the DE issue with Claire, but also the DS issue and the "swirl" failure. It made DE and DS seem so weird and unnatural.

Like other pp said...unless you've been there, you just can't understand.

Anyone else watch Glee? What do you think of how strange they are portraying IF with AMA with Sue?

mdiblasi10 · February 2012

theworms:
labbylover03:
I completely agree. My DH and I watched the episode to and when Claire said something about how important seeing both of you in your kids is...I immediately said to DH "maybe we shouldn't watch this episode." We used anonymous donor sperm and I hate for DH to hear stuff like that...And your sister absolutely did an amazing thing for you! People just don't get it. My own SIL (married to DH's middle brother) told me it would be weird if DH's oldest brother donated for us (which he had offered). I was like "why? Sisters donate their eggs to their sisters all the time. What makes it different for a brother to help a brother?" Her response "it just is. " To which I replied "Um, no it's the exact same thing." In the end my DH made the choice of anonymous, but her ignorance still pisses me off to this day!!

that part upset me too, along with the conversation in the beginning with the other gay couple who said the swirled the sperm, um no, that is not done ever! you don't swirl sperm.
unless you have to make these choices people just don't get it and think it's weird. i think donors (whether known or anon) are amazingly selfless people. the gift they gift others is beyond words.
i did like how supportive haley and alex were of their mom helping her bro and how at the end when cam and red head dude find lily organizing her room they realize how much lily is like them even though there isn't a bio connection

I really liked that part too, worms.

The way they handled the DE issue made me sad too. These things are already so misunderstood, so this just doesn't help.

snoangel79 · February 2012

I don't watch this show and thank god I don't. That's pretty hurtful! I consider myself a mom without the bio connection, the hell I've been through already. These kids are my children... Also, my mom said something once, "they are yours, they are fed by your body, you are taking care of them"... The eggs without my husband's sperm and without a place to become children would have just been eggs...

JM1977 · February 2012

may2806:

(lurking from IFV)

I had the same reaction to the episode. The general population is really ignorant about DE, so I don't think it was fair to use it as fodder for comedy. Yes, some of the characters thought it was 'beautiful' of her to offer to donate eggs, but some of the other comments - 'freakshow', 'Appalachian', 'unnatural' - just seemed downright mean. I get that this show is irreverent, and I usually laugh out loud, but this just hit too close to home. I was in tears afterwards thinking that if we do have success with DE, the world is going to look at me (or my child) as a 'freakshow.'

The line about seeing yourself and your husband in your children also made me sad, but I did like at the end how the dads said they saw themselves in their adopted daughter even though they didn't 'make' her.

But overall, shame on you, Modern Family!

Very well said! This episode was upsetting to me, too. It wasn't even funny!

peachmuffins · February 2012

I think the worst part is that when DE and DS is portrayed like that a woman or man might rethink their decision to donate. One one hand yes, the media is starting to bring IF to light, but... if a negative spin is consistently put on it it can deter people who would have other wise donated because now a weird stigma is attached to it.

ashleyann82 · February 2012

I did not see that episode but I dont normally watch that show, anyways, I used DE too and people are still pretty ignorant about it. It sucks that they went there with that. Now that my son is born, I get the side eye a little bit from DRs because I am only 27 and not really the norm for s person who might use a donor. All of it is going to take some getting used to but I wish people were more open to talking about it; makes me wanna go advocate or something!

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