those who started out with a twin preg. ?

gidge · February 2012

Have you told anyone that you started with twins and lost one at some point? What kind of response did you get?

I've mentioned to a few people (a couple knew we did IVF and actually did IVF themselves), that we started out expecting twins but only one really developed. One person asked me if I wasn't secretly relieved and a couple other people said it was better that way.

I know that my pregnancy will probably be a lot easier and that raising a singleton will probably be easier, but we had started to get excited about the idea of 2. Not really sure what I was expecting -just curious if these are just common/expected human responses.

ifitwillmakeyouhappier · February 2012

I've only told a few people and they have been supportive. For us, the bigger question is what do we tell our remaining baby? We have started her baby book but many of the ultrasound pics are of both babies. Do we tell her she had a twin? How do we explain it to her without upsetting her?

The other lingering effect I've noticed is the jealousy. I'm not proud of it, but whenever someone posts about having twins or learning about twins it hurts. I loved both of my babies so much and I'm so envious of those moms that get to have both of theirs.

Not sure if I really answered your question or not but that's what I've got.

love2b_mrst · February 2012

I think that is a horrible thing for people to say...luckily no one said that to me because I would have probably replied with something not very nice. Sorry that you are dealing with insensitive responses, it's probably just best to ignore and as pp said sometimes people try to say something positive about a sh!tty situation and just fail.

And I also have dealt with the jealousy issue...there was a long time that I had to avoid twin posts because it just made me so sad and jealous that people were having both of their babies and I had lost one of mine. I have found now that I am so close to delivery that those feelings have lessened as I am so excited, nervous and anxious about bringing my one awesome, perfect baby home

ifitwillmakeyouhappier · February 2012

love2b_mrst:

And I also have dealt with the jealousy issue...there was a long time that I had to avoid twin posts because it just made me so sad and jealous that people were having both of their babies and I had lost one of mine. I have found now that I am so close to delivery that those feelings have lessened as I am so excited, nervous and anxious about bringing my one awesome, perfect baby home

Thanks for sharing this...its really helpful to know I'm not the only one with these feelings. It's especially encouraging to hear that they have lessened over time. Congrats on your perfect baby

gidge · February 2012

ifitwillmakeyouhappier:
love2b_mrst:

And I also have dealt with the jealousy issue...there was a long time that I had to avoid twin posts because it just made me so sad and jealous that people were having both of their babies and I had lost one of mine. I have found now that I am so close to delivery that those feelings have lessened as I am so excited, nervous and anxious about bringing my one awesome, perfect baby home

Thanks for sharing this...its really helpful to know I'm not the only one with these feelings. It's especially encouraging to hear that they have lessened over time. Congrats on your perfect baby

ditto!

I think it is people trying to say the "reassuring" thing or finding the silver lining - they just don't realize it's not helping.

thanks for the responses

MoFree · February 2012

I also lost one of the twins I conceived. There were 2 sacs at my 7w u/s, one measuring a bit behind and by 9w was no longer visble and probably never was. I am fortunate that the only people whom I told, my very close friend and SMIL, we're both very empathic and comforting. I am now 13 weeks, saw my LO again at the NT on Wednesday and feeling more what I have than what I lost.

i also find it hard to read the twin posts without feeling jealous and wanting to be one of them. I also keep thinking that if I had only conceived one baby, how thrilled I would be that I succeeded on my first IVF rather than thrilled mixed with sadness.

Tracyc617 · February 2012

The only people that new about the twins were our moms. They were both supportive, but I didn't want to hear the "Everything happens for a reason" speech from my mom. My MIL actually said that she was relieved she would not have to babysit twins. I lost Baby B at 8 weeks. I am 14 weeks now and still cry about it. I am so thankful to have one precious baby growing in my belly but it doesn't change the fact that I lost a baby also. I really don't think abyone can really understand until they have been through it so I try to let annoying coments go.

I have also dealt with the jealousy issue. Three people I work with have twins. Anytime they complain about something I get so sad. This post was acutally a relief to me because I thought I was the only one with these feelings!

gidge · February 2012

MoFree:

I also lost one of the twins I conceived. There were 2 sacs at my 7w u/s, one measuring a bit behind and by 9w was no longer visble and probably never was. I am fortunate that the only people whom I told, my very close friend and SMIL, we're both very empathic and comforting. I am now 13 weeks, saw my LO again at the NT on Wednesday and feeling more what I have than what I lost.

i also find it hard to read the twin posts without feeling jealous and wanting to be one of them. I also keep thinking that if I had only conceived one baby, how thrilled I would be that I succeeded on my first IVF rather than thrilled mixed with sadness.

I've thought this, too. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I am so beyond thrilled for the baby that we still have, I just hate that there is still a little of the sadness there. I would love for something about this process to just be happy about and not have any of the bittersweet feelings.

nikinikinine · February 2012

GIDGE!!! I'm so sorry for your loss but holy f*cking *** I'm so happy to see you KU!!!!!

gidge · February 2012

nikinikinine:
GIDGE!!! I'm so sorry for your loss but holy f*cking *** I'm so happy to see you KU!!!!!

Thanks We are very excited! (and I'm totally going to play hormone card and blame my melancholy on hormonal issues :P)

nikinikinine · February 2012

gidge:
nikinikinine:
GIDGE!!! I'm so sorry for your loss but holy f*cking *** I'm so happy to see you KU!!!!!
Thanks We are very excited! (and I'm totally going to play hormone card and blame my melancholy on hormonal issues :P)

Meh, you're entitled to blame it on anything. Blame it on me if you want. I don't care. I wish I could see you to give you a big, fat hug and a high five

Long=journey · February 2012

I lost a twin in my 2nd pregnancy. My daughter is now 7 and we have not told her that there was a twin early on.

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