how to not compare your child to others?

sdpookie13 · February 2012

I'm having a hard time not comparing C to other kids that are around her own age. She's totally not behind AT ALL but I still seem to want her to do what others are doing. (ie. she isn't interested in coloring while other kids love to, she's only speaking around 9 words while others recite the entire alphabet, she has no interest in a potty while other kids have used it sucessfully mulitple times) Is this normal? How do I relax and just let her grow up on her own?

Jillibean85 · February 2012

I don't see anything wrong with comparing, i would say that's natural to a degree... If you start stressing yourself out about things or putting pressure on her, that's when you probably need to ease up a bit. Or if there is genuinely something to be concerned about, just talk to her doctor..

kmwills · February 2012

I think it's impossible not to compare. DH and I were just talking about that this morning. There's a girl at storytime who is about DD's age, but speaks A LOT better. I know I shouldn't be worried about DD (and truly, I'm not), but it's hard not to compare her. I'll talk to her pedi if I have any real concerns.

smerka · February 2012

My almost 18 month old isn't doing a lot of those things. I find the urge to compare my kids to others stems from my own need to feel like I'm doing okay as a mom. If my kid is doing X, Y, or Z then it's because I'm such a awesome mom (or I'm a crappy mom because he's not doing whatever). The reality is that it has very little to do with what I'm doing, especially early on like crawling, etc. Kids will all develop at their own pace. It is so hard not to compare especially when there's no real way to measure success or failure as a mom early on unlike at a job where you get raises and promotions or in school where you get grades. I catch myself doing it all the time and try to remind myself not to. It's tough though.

MrsMommyQ · February 2012

sdpookie13:
I'm having a hard time not comparing C to other kids that are around her own age. She's totally not behind AT ALL but I still seem to want her to do what others are doing. (ie. she isn't interested in coloring while other kids love to, she's only speaking around 9 words while others recite the entire alphabet, she has no interest in a potty while other kids have used it sucessfully mulitple times) Is this normal? How do I relax and just let her grow up on her own?

When I start to get like this, I remind myself of all the things she DOES do that other kids don't. Each kid has his/her strengths and weaknesses. They'll all learn the same things, but at different times.

One of DD's little friends is 4 months older and I constantly compare her and DD, which isn't fair bc 4 months is a lifetime at this age. For example, this little girl speaks SO clearly. My DD speaks a TON and I understand her, but not everyone else does. But...my DD knows her colors and actually says them clearly enough to understand, and the other little girl doesn't. It all evens out eventually!

SecondTimeinMSU · February 2012

I struggle with this a little since there are several babies DS's age at daycare and they are ahead of their milestones but that doesn't mean DS is behind or that there is anything wrong, he'll hit them at his own pace. BTW, Is your ticker correct? I honestly do not expect DS to be anywhere near coloring, saying the alphabet or using the potty at just over a year.

scoutkate · February 2012

Holy crap. Who are these 14 month olds you're comparing her to that recite the alphabet and sit on the potty?

It's natural to compare and unrealistic to think you won't do it. Just remind yourself of your child's strengths. Betsy is not super vocal (although she's well within the norm for a 20 month old) and at your child's age she had maybe three words. Do I wish it was easier to communicate with her? Of course. But I'm also aware that she's always been a bit ahead of the curve with physical and social milestones. Every kid is different.

Libby1978 · February 2012

A 13 or 14 month old reciting the alphabet and using the potty is not the "norm."

nosoup4u · February 2012

I think it gets easier the older they get. And seeing how different my kids are from each other really helped me realize kids do different things at different ages.

Kitiara5512 · February 2012

You could realize that she is only 13 months old and at that age, mostly they are not inclined towards the potty, or coloring, or reciting anything let alone the alphabet.

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