Should I use a doula?

Rahnny29 · February 2012

During our tour of the maternity ward at our hospital they told us that they provide access to a labor doula free of charge. I would love the support (and especially the massage) if she does a good job, but I am not sure if my husband would be comfortable with a stranger doing so much coaching. I'm also a little worried that we may dislike her and then we're stuck with her during the entire labor process, which is already stressful. Can anyone share their experiences with a labor doula, both positive and negative? It would help so much!

PeanutButterGirl · February 2012

I hired a doula - my first baby in may. but i can tell you ive had a few friends who's husbands were not thrilled with the idea and then after the baby came the husbands were SO HAPPY that the doula was there. If your hospital provides one for free def take it! If you are not happy with her at the time then you just tell her to leave... its your choice and its free! It can only help i think.

ELF4321 · February 2012

We interviewed and hired a doula to work with us, so we could get someone that we're both comfortable with. There were others I met that I just knew I would not want around me when I'm in labor, so I'd be hesitant to do it unless you can meet with her ahead of time and make sure she's someone you feel comfortable with.

Also, we're planning to labor at home until the last possible minute, so it was important to me to have someone who will come to the house and help us out well before we get to the hospital.

DH was not entirely comfortable with the idea at first either, but once he met with her and she explained what her role is, and why it's beneficial, he totally got on board with the idea.

gekeler6 · February 2012

I never had a doula, and I would rather share the experience with just me and DH. DH can't wait to be my support person. If we had someone in the room that was a support person I think my hubby would feel like I don't need him or that he is being told what to do (if she starts suggesting things). I told DH what I want in my birth plan, told him what I expect as far as support, and just keep reassuring him that I want him by my side the entire time. He's willing to do massage, ice chips, and speaking for me if I need another voice there. I don't see where a doula would fit in.

honkytonk_kid · February 2012

A good doula will never make your H feel unneeded. She is there to support both of you.

Why would you be stuck with her? You're not paying her. If you don't like her, ask her to leave, problem solved.

jayleigh68 · February 2012

I saw a birth video with a doula and it totally turned me off. I'm not the person that wants to here "oh you're doing so great" in a soft voice, all condescending like. I just want to get through it, don't talk to me. So depending on your personality... you may or may not like it.

lostaspen · February 2012

Not having a doula for the labor/birth of my son is the biggest regret I have. I was induced, and it ended in c/s. I honestly feel that with a doula, it (almost definitely) wouldn't have ended in a c/s. I had this expectation of my DH to know everything about labor, positions, relaxation techniques, breathing, etc, and he just never read up on it, or remembered it. A doula is trained in all those things, and should be able to recognize what will help you through labor and delivery.

I would at least meet with a doula and ask questions about how involved she is, how much coaching she does, and how her being there will affect what your DH does.

ghdst1 · February 2012

jayleigh68:
I saw a birth video with a doula and it totally turned me off. I'm not the person that wants to here "oh you're doing so great" in a soft voice, all condescending like. I just want to get through it, don't talk to me. So depending on your personality... you may or may not like it.

Not all doula experiences would be like that....you would discuss with the doula prior to labor what you need/want from her physically, emotionally, spirtually, and mediation wise with medical staff. They are a support to you and your DH all throughout your labor and birth. I am working with one now and I am the same way as you...don't talk to me like I'm a child. But she knows what I want and what I need.

wolverine8 · February 2012

First of all, how awesome that the hospital is providing it for free to you! That is nearly unheard of. I am in the process of becoming a doula and from what I know if you don't like/click with the doula you can either send her away or request someone else. Also explain to your DH that one of the roles a doula plays is to give him a break so he can eat, sleep, etc when he needs to. That way you still have support while he's doing what he needs to do to stay energized for you. If you are aiming for a med-free birth then a doula is great in assisting you reach that goal. If you can meet your doula before you arrive in labor that would be better. Then you can share your birth wishes, if you have any, and she can help advocate for you when you're in pain. Doulas are not there to tell the doc or nurses what to do, give medical advice or exams. Simply to help you reach your goals and provide an extra set of birth support. Good luck!

BarefootRI · February 2012

We are paying a lot of money for our doula, so if you have the opportunity to have one for free- I say take advantage of it! That is so awesome your hospital provides that. I agree with PP, if you decide it's not working out or you don't like her, you can always have her leave. No money lost.

We didn't have a doula with my first, but I also wasn't planning a natural birth that time. This time, I think my doula will be worth every dollar if it means accomplishing my goal and having my ideal birth experience. I love DH but I really need that extra support, especially from a woman. Good luck, whatever you decide

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