bedsharing = stressful for me ... xp 0-3mo

mintea · February 2012

I intended on co-sleeping with LO in the form of keeping her in the PnP or in the Rest Assured co-sleeper bed. I did not plan on her sleeping right in the bed with us, but it keeps happening every single night at different points as I fall asleep nursing her, and frankly she often won't sleep unless she's snuggled up to me. Each time, though, I wake up in sheer panic that it happened again and it is really getting depressing to me.

I don't really want to bedshare, because as much as LO and I enjoy it I just couldn't forgive myself if I smothered her somehow. On the other hand, if it keeps happening I guess it makes sense for me to accept that we are going to bedshare and take the proper precautions...but I am having a really hard time coming to terms with it and this is the foremost cause of stress I am having as a new mom. Anyone going through this or have any thoughts?

Temp123197812503460 · February 2012

I remember feeling like that, I think partially because all the missinformation (esp on thebump!) about it being dangerous. What helped me was 1. Stop reading those posts on the bump, 2. Read some of the articles by Dr. MaKenna (sp?) that really show how safe it is when done correctly, and 3. Being very extreme with the precautions when they were little (taking blankets out of bed and wearing sweats instead, etc). If it's something you want to do, or find yourself doing because you fall asleep, I would embrace it! Personally I think advice to nurse sitting up isn't great as if you are tired you can fall asleep that way, plus nursing in bed and going back to sleep is a great way to deal with not getting as much sleep.

SandiaPinaMama · February 2012

My LO was premature, so that impacted me on this topic, but that said...I nursed sitting up and kept LO in his bassinet until he got bigger and stronger at around 3 months. At 2 weeks, it was hard to put him down because he did prefer to snuggle. I would nurse at like 11 pm, and then rock, pat, shush in the bassinet until he went out. After the MOTN feedings, he went down without issue. Although we do now part time bedshare (he starts in his crib, but comes to bed after his first feeding), I don't love it, and will be glad when he drops his last 4:30 am feeding.

tokenhoser · February 2012

When I realized I was doing it, I made it as safe as possible. I bought a rail, cleared out the extra pillows and only used 1 light blanket for myself, and didn't swaddle him if I was going to lie down with him.

For me, the extra sleep and loads of cuddles were worth changing my plans.

sometimesalwayschaotic · February 2012

I think it's very common for newborns to only sleep with/on their parents. I know when DD was born she would sleep on my husbands chest while he sat up every night. This doesn't mean you have to do it forever. We did it for the first several weeks and then she was able to sleep in the swing. If you are not wanting to co-sleep, you don't have to do it forever. The first part is a rough transition for everyone. Babies are eventually able to sleep a bit farther away from their parents as they mature.

JenJH923 · February 2012

I'm new to this whole bedsharing thing and never intended to do it- but why didn't you swaddle the baby if you were sleeping with him? I swaddle Charlie and he sleeps with me- should I not be doing that?

tokenhoser · February 2012

JenJH923:
I'm new to this whole bedsharing thing and never intended to do it- but why didn't you swaddle the baby if you were sleeping with him? I swaddle Charlie and he sleeps with me- should I not be doing that?

It's safer to allow them to move freely when bedsharing. It gives the baby more of a chance to flail around if something is uncomfortable or squishing them. Also, the main reason baby likes to be swaddled it to mimic being held or close to mom, so I didn't find it necessary when he was in bed with me. I did swaddle him when he was going into his crib or the bouncy seat.

StefandTodd · February 2012

I had zero intention of bedsharing and believed it would be so unsafe. Then, when LO was a few weeks old and I was doing the same thing as you, I remember asking my H, "do you think I'm a terrible mother? Does it scare you? I just don't feel like he's in danger...but...I swore I wouldn't do this..." and he looked at me and said, "I think you need to trust your instincts on this one." He has been in our bed every night since. We actually bought a King size bed a couple weeks after that. And a bedrail. Research how to do it safely, and trust your instincts. I shudder thinking abuot the couple times I woke up in a panic sitting upright in the glider, my LO in my arms resting on My Brest Friend pillow. So much less safe, and so uneccesary. Ugh. GL to you.

Birdies08 · February 2012

I was definitely in your shoes. I had so much guilt about bed sharing, but she slept best next to us and woke up in the PNP or RNP. So, I just made our bed a safe environment and decided we'd do it until it didn't work any more. I now love it and dread moving her to her own space!

Here are some resources that helped me:

https://www.attachmentparenting.org/pdfs/API_Infant_Sleep_Safety_Brochure.pdf

https://cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/

https://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/01/11/co-sleeping-safety/#.Tz2Rixz80eV

https://www.mybirthbydesign.com/sharingbedleaflet.pdf

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bedsharing = stressful for me ... xp 0-3mo

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