Super over whelmed! Moms with 2+

Krystalp22 · February 2012

How are you doing it? I feel so over whelmed! I'm crying over everything. I feel like DD#1 is not getting enough time with me. She is starting to get jealous and throw horrible tantrums every time I hold the baby. I'm up all night trying to calm LO so she doesn't wake DD, which never works. H is back to work and I'm falling apart. Please help. Advise needed!

DEBBIE33CASEY · February 2012

I wish I had some good advice for you. But I can honestly hardly remember what it was like having a 15 month year old now that I have an almost 3 yo. The 3 yo is hard to care for b/c she wants so much attention, too.

Are there any mommy&me groups in your area or do you have friends with kids the same age that you can do playdates with? I think good socialization is key. Can DD go to daycare occasionally so she can play with others her age? The more frustrated you get with her the worse her actions will be. Do you have family in the area who can help give DD some attention?

BritanyV · February 2012

Sorry you are having a rough time. I think that a lot of it has to do with having a younger child. My DS#1 is 3-1/2 and is very independent. We have had some behavioral issues but now that he is really starting to get used to DS#2 the behavioral stuff is getting less and less.

Mama Jan · February 2012

Do you have family or anyone who can help you / give you a break? My mom is the only reason I think I survived the first year of 2u2. I also was hit bad by ppd after DS2 was born so I would encourage you to keep your eye on that. If you feel like this is ppd, don't be afraid to talk to your doctor... your children will thank you.

Just remember, this is a season. It will get easier, esp as your DD1 grows older. I did enroll DS1 is preschool early (he was 2?, wouldn't normally start until 3?) because I needed the break.

Don't forget to head over the the two under two board to ask for help too!

GL!

bugsmami · February 2012

It gets better- little by little!! DH went back to work right away and my mom only stayed the first day after we got home. So, I was thrown in the fire when DS2 was only 3 days old.The first few weeks it seemed like they both were crying for me at the same time... all.the.time! DS1's naptime (because he doesn't just go lay down and go to sleep) usually ended up in all of us crying at some point. Just hang in there! Eventually the newest one will go longer b/t feedings and "need" you a little less, so to speak. We still have our moments, and the house is a wreck (I finally got around to cleaning the bathroom, but b/t the 2 kids it took me all morning), but it is slowly but surely getting a little easier! Hang in there! Also, if you are able, invest in a good carrier (or 2!) so you can wear either one when they need some extra mom time, but you need your hands. A woven wrap, mei tai or something like a beco. There are some days that I wouldn't survive w/out being able to wear LO or toddler at some point!

MrsAMB07 · February 2012

All I can say is thank God for grandmas! They're both local and around during the day so they've been taking DS for much of the weekdays to let me try and get things settled here. He also needs to get out a little bit to keep from going stir-crazy. Is there someone that can give you a break by taking your older one a little bit here and there? DS loves to go to the library so my mom will take him, even just for an hour, to give me some quiet time with DD.

As far as night time, I also find myself trying to keep DD quiet and am afraid she'll wake up my son. Somehow he's never woken up from here and I am starting to realize that it's probably just something he has to get used to and learn to tune out, just like she'll have to do with his loud playing during the day.

It's definitely way harder the second time around and my son is older and more independent... I give you tons of credit!

trackchik6 · February 2012

Playdates with friends of DS1 are helping us get by.

Also, this afternoon I am having a HS student neighbor come over for a few hrs to play with DS1 while I'm home. It's only a few bucks an hour and it is a huge help. Can you do something like that once a week?

sherpa · February 2012

I feel for you. My 2 1/2 yo son is having the worst time but I've found that the more I include him in ongoings with the baby - the more he accepts her. He helps bathe her by getting the supplies ready. We bathe in the tub already - using the elevated baby tub mat thingy - his job is to pour water over her from her waist down so she doesn't get cold. He isn't interested in helping with diaper changes or anything else - he tried burping her a few times but lost interest.

He has expressed to us that he needs more hugs and kisses and tickling. He asks that I put the baby down and give him hugs. So I make it a point to really lay them on him every chance I get - even with baby in one arm. The baby is fairly scheduled so I know after her early morning feeding at 5:30 am I can go into my son's room and snuggle up with him (he's in a full bed already). He loves this time.

It was a rough first week and a half but the last several days have really been an improvement. From what I've heard from my friends - it is just a few week adjustment...but I've read to expect backlash periodically as #1 realizes #2 is here to stay especially when #2 starts communicating more with smiles and cooing.

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