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Postpartum Depression
amandajb1
member
Pp OCD
amandajb1
member
So I am pretty sure I have pp OCD. I have regular OCD and anxiety that was under control Before I got pregnant/as a teen I was on and off medication a few times. This is my second baby and I was never formally diagnosis with ppd or ppa/OCD. Iwas put on
Medication this time by my therapist for ppd nd I stopped taking it because I didn't feel it was helping much and I forgot to take it a few days in a row.
Tonight I had a breakdown. I feel awful and when I was doing some Internet searching i discover that it really looks like OCD. I have thoughts of hurting my dd. mostly that I might drown her or drop her from a high place (I don't want to do this but I am scared something will come over me and I will do it). I hate bathing her and refuse to take her upstairs on my parents house where it is open over the banister down to the first floor. I starting back on my meds tonight and am going to email my therapist.
Does anyone else have experience with this?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Pp OCD
Yes, I had PPOCD and what you're describing is pretty textbook. Irrational fears that "something may come over you" and you may hurt your baby (though you very much do not want to do so) is a very common fear/obsession with this particular PP disorder.
Is your therapist well versed in OCD? If not, you might ask for a referral for someone who does cognitive behavioral therapy.
In the meantime, some great books: Imp of the Mind (a good section on pp intrusive thoughts) and Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts: Take Control of Your OCD. You can get both off Amazon.
Hang in there--I know it's horrible now, but it will get better.
yeah I have generalized anxiety disorder with some OCD- mine is obsessive thoughts. Like I will worry about something every night and day for about a week...something that is ridiculous.
I remember with my first daughter sitting there and measuring her bottles perfectly. I threw out four cans of ready to feed formula because I didn't think it was measuring right. I finallly told my mom to make the bottles because I couldn't do it anymore.
They put me on antidepressants because I bruise really badly on anti anxieties. It somewhat helps the obsessive thoughts, but if I get really bad I take xanex. There are some really great books out there like the previous poster said. You have to kind of find the right mix of medication and things that help you get out of the obsessive thoughts. I had to go to therapy for a few years to learn the things that helped me. Therapy might be a good thing for you. They don't judge you but they help you get rid of those thoughts.
For instance...if I become really worried over something, I have to watch tv. It is my coping mechanism. It works for me. However, that might make someone else more anxious. I also have breathing excercises that I do, or other mental excercises that I was taught to get the thoughts out of my head. I have never worried about harming my daughter like you are talking about, but I do understand where you are coming from with the worrying thoughts. I guess I worried about harming her in nondirect ways...like if I didn't swaddle the blanket right she would smother, or like with the formula if I put too much water in she would get water intoxication. etc, etc. and I would double and triple check things because of this.
now I worry about medical things. My poor pediatrician. Thankfully he is very caring and makes me feel better.
Hang in there and make sure you discuss going on and off meds with your dr.'s because going off meds on your own can really cause a bad rebound affect and with some medicines it very dangerous to just go off.
Didnt' mean to post a response, sorry!
I suffer from PPOCD and intrusive harm thoughts as well. It started when my DD was only a month old-she's 9 months now. I've been through a lot of therapy with a PPD specialist who is well educated in PPOCD. I've also gone through a medication odyssey but I'm finally starting to feel MUCH better.
I KNOW how absolutely horrifying these thoughts are- I've had the same ones as you and others as well. But the important thing to remember is that you aren't going to hurt your baby. Get help as soon as you can to alleviate the stress and anxiety the thoughts cause. It's a hard battle, I admit but you can do it.
I blog about my PPD- see my siggy.
And if you ever want to talk to someone you can relate to, you can email me. I know how helpful it is to talk to someone experiencing the same thing.
saramae.r@gmail.com
I started experiencing PP OCD when DD was 5 weeks old. I suffered in silence for almost 2 months until I did some research and learned that I was not crazy, but that I had PP OCD! It was awful not knowing what was wrong with me. I would obssess over the harmful thoughts and think what mother could think these things? The more I tried to block them from my mind, the more frequent they became. When I found out I had OCD, I started therapy but did not like my first therapist. She seemed convinced I had PP depression so I switched therapists and now I have a good one. I chose to not go the medication route but I also know it works wonders for many people. I've learned some coping techniques that have helped me so much. I'll share a few with you.
If a thought is coming on, I immediately think it's the OCD, not me. This reminds me that the thought is not something I want to think, but it's source is simply the OCD.
Next I try to redirect my brain. I immediately cut the thought off and tell myself to focus on something else. (Example "It's the OCD not me, focus on..feeding the baby; washing the dishes etc..) The more I did this the less I would have disturbing thoughts.
I know everyone has their own coping mechanisms but this is what worked for me. Before I knew it I was able to go hours without thoughts and then days. I still get thoughts sometimes especially when I'm tired but I just combat them with my techniques. It's important to remember that anxiety fuels the thoughts. Your techniques should help you lose the anxiety over your thoughts and then you can stop obssessing. This is a real disorder that happens to women and you aren't in any danger of hurting your baby even if you think you might be. This is such a scary thing to deal with but it does get better!
Sara- I tried to call you about a month ago and I left a message. I'm glad you are doing well, call me sometime to chat!
I totally 100% know what you're going through. I noticed a few posts on here with questions about OCD, so I decided to write (a very long) post describing my experiences with it. Much of it was hard to write, but I hope you read it and can find some comfort in the fact that you are not alone, you are not crazy, and you are not going to hurt your baby! Please feel free to contact me anytime if you need to talk.