How to deal w/ anger?

weddedwife · February 2012

Does anyone else just hate everybody?

I am struggling so much with anger. Of course I am angry that my baby died. But I am mostly angry with everyone else- the way people have reacted to our loss. The way some people have chosen to remain silent. The way people now avoid me. I could easily write off half the people I know IRL I don't really want to spend much time with anyone anyway (other than DH & DD, and one really good friend who has been awesome to me).

Maybe people are trying to give me space, but I feel like a pariah. I'm tired of making the first move to see old friends. I'm tired of being depressing to everyone around me. I'm tired of feeling like a social freak show.

I don't want to be this bitter, angry person. I get that people don't understand so they don't know how to react- but I can't forgive them. I can't forgive people for not being there for me at my most vulnerable. I can't forgive them for not checking in on me now that it's been over 3 months. If they cared about me, wouldn't they want to educate themselves about what I'm going through?

And I'm angry about the way people complain about the stupidest things. I hate their ignorance about what's really important in life. Everybody just bugs me nowadays.

If anyone has any tips on how to get some of this anger to subside I would welcome them.

lrichmond86 · February 2012

I am. I don't have any advice for you on dealing with this. Just know you're not alone in your feelings.

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · February 2012

I'm so sorry you're going through this but find comfort in knowing I'm not the only one. I too seem to hate everyone. I too was shocked and saddened at how quickly everyone around me seemed to just move on and stop checking to see how I was doing. Even my own mom - who said "you can call me anytime and I'll stop whatever I'm doing" isn't always the case anymore. I had a rough day the other day and really wanted/needed to talk to her. I called and she didn't answer. I texted her and asked if she had time to talk and mentioned I was having a rough time. 3 hours later she called me back. 3 hours. Even my DH - says "call me if you need anything." I knew he was in a business lunch but figured he should be about done. I texted him and asked if he could call me when he had a second. He said "give me 5" and did call, I'll give him that. But after I told him what triggered me all he said was "I'm sorry, that sucks" and didn't act interested in being on the phone with me at all. I told him I'd let him go. Then he said "well I'll come home." Given how he reacted I told him it was ok, I knew he was busy. He told me all that stuff can wait and that he'd wrap some things up and be on his way. Yeah, he called 20 minutes past the time he normally gets off work to say he was on his way. So much for early. People who post stuff on FB like "my kid's being a terror, who wants them" or "baby is sick, got no sleep UGH" makes me want to smack people.

I don't have much advise for you. About all I can say is maybe you need to tell people that you're still struggling and try to explain as best you can, what you're going through. I've learned most people don't know unless you tell them. I struggle with this myself as I have a hard time calling people or reaching out but I'm starting to realize it needs to be done. And if someone does reach out to you, thank them and tell you how much you appreciate it. {{HUGS}}

Mjmksb04 · February 2012

I deal with the same issue all the time. I guess the way I try to look at it is I try not to take personally people's reactions to me, because that reflects on their issues, not mine. I still roll my eyes when people complain about mundane things, but realize that their reality is not my reality. I sometimes think that there is a true disconnect between what a therapist or a book on grief will tell you and about how the world thinks you should act. I feel like at times, if I followed the advice of the books, I would end up with no friends and isolated from the world. Its difficult to find a balance between expressing your feelings and reaching out to others and letting this horrible experience consume ever fiber of your being.

beck2624 · February 2012

I find that people feel that they only needed to check on me for a few weeks and now that it has been 3 weeks I don't really get checked on anymore. Though I feel worse now than I did 3 weeks ago after it happened and maybe that is why. I was doing so well the week after it happened, grateful to be alive and grateful that I was as healthy as I was since I had been so sick. But now it seems that it is sinking in more and more that I lost my beautiful baby and it is depressing.

I am sorry about your anger towards others, but know that you are not the only one! I feel like this on a daily basis.

figgs0831 · February 2012

No advice... Just hugs.

I just got over people avoiding me from my first loss.. Now we are starting all over again. I feel like people are treating me as if I have some kind of disease or something. I hate it.

JessicaRobb · February 2012

Well put! You summed up a lot of my feelings. I don't like the angry person I've become some days.

No advice other than to realize that we are not really that far out from our losses... I think it's okay to still feel angry.

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