Late Term and Child Loss

Catching up with a friend- did NOT go as planned...

So a bit of the back story is that I have a friend from high school that I started meeting up with again a couple of years ago (she has a DS the same age as mine and they love playing together).  She was one of the few friends who came to Annabelle's funeral actually and I really respect our relationship.  Well, after Annabelle we talked a bit via texts and e-mail but didn't get together until today.  I was nannying and had the kids and she was bringing her DS- we met at a mall playplace.  Anyways, she comes in and she is holding a BABY CARRIER.  I nearly lost it right then and there.  She confesses that she was 3 months pregnant at the funeral and kept this pregnancy a secret from as many people as she could.  She had the baby a month ago, and for whatever reason failed to tell me about it.  How could she do that to me?!?!  I was in total shock and didn't say much, but I know she saw the tears in my eyes.  Yes, I am nannying a baby, but the fact that this one came out of left field totally triggered so many emotions.  I know she didn't think it would hurt me, but it did.  I just needed to let this out to people who would understand.  And I just want to add that she is one of the few people who will talk about Annabelle with me and I love her for that.  She has been a support, but this hurt like hell. UGH
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Re: Catching up with a friend- did NOT go as planned...

  • Wow,  I can't understand for the life of me why she would think she could just show up with a newborn and not tell you.  I'm so sorry, that would have crushed me.
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  • imagePetunia844:
    Wow,  I can't understand for the life of me why she would think she could just show up with a newborn and not tell you.  I'm so sorry, that would have crushed me.

    This. She had plenty of time to tell you. Even if she didn't want to tell you over the phone, she could've e-mailed or texted you. I'm just so, so sorry. *HUGS*

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  • Yeah, that's the part I really don't get!  She is one of the most supportive friends I have regarding Annabelle's death and then she pulled this!  I want to ask her about it, but didn't think it was appropriate at the time.  I just want to know how her mind was working!?
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  • I probably would have had to walk out.   :(  I'm so sorry.  ((hugs)) I don't know why anyone would think that was okay
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  • I'm sorry. Did she give you any reason as to why she hid it from you and decided you could just see her with her newborn and be ok?
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  • Wow. She should have given you a heads up! Ouch. Do you think she thought she was going right by not telling you? Maybe she thought she would hurt you telling you about the pregnancy. Who knows. But yeah, she should have let you know she was coming with a newborn!
    TTC since November 2009. DH diagnosed with sperm antibodies. IUI #1 = BFN IUI #2 = BFN On the road to IVF.... Egg Retrieval Jan 21, 2011 16 eggs retrieved Egg transfer Jan 26, 2011 Only 2 viable eggs transferred. 1 IVF, 1 ICSI IVF #1 = BFP :-) 10/3/11 No heart beat at 38 weeks: Our baby Jack became an angel 12/14/11 = natural BFP Rainbow baby Samantha Jacklyn born8/8/12. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Oh wow.  I'm so sorry...that's a horrible surprise to spring on you.  Lots of (((HUGS))) to you.
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
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  • Well she actually told as few people as possible.  She got pregnant by a guy she doesn't even get along with anymore and this is the second one she had out of a serious relationship. (Not to mention that her family is extremely Catholic)  So she was embarrased about the situation.  So it wasn't just me she kept in the dark.  I understand she hid the pregnancy, but would have loved a heads up- even if it was just a heads up text so I could have been prepared.
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  • Tongue Tied Wow...That's unbelieveable that she thought that would be okay to do. Sorry you had to deal with that baby ambush from such a great friend! How can someone so supportive keep a secret like that? I'm really lost for words right now. (((hugs)))
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  • ((hugs)) I'm so sorry. I can't believe she couldn't at least send you an email in advance. Not sure why she thought it wouldn't be tough to see her show up with a baby when it was unexpected.

    Jenn

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  • I have to admit, that was very insensitive for someone who is your friend.  I can understand not telling you while she was pregnant.  I cannot for the life of me understand not confessing she had the baby and would be bring the baby with her.  

    I'm so sorry, Lovey.  I think I would have reacted exactly the same. 

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  • imagePetunia844:
    Wow,  I can't understand for the life of me why she would think she could just show up with a newborn and not tell you.  I'm so sorry, that would have crushed me.

    This. Not sure how you just forget to mention that you were pregnant and had a baby??? ((hugs))

     Our baby boy,Logan, was born still at 19w3d on 7/1/2011
    Our 2nd baby boy, Mason, was born still at 20w3d on 1/31/2012

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    ((BFP 7/29/13))  ((EDD 4/12/14))  It's BOY/GIRL twins!!!

  • imagePetunia844:
    Wow,  I can't understand for the life of me why she would think she could just show up with a newborn and not tell you.  I'm so sorry, that would have crushed me.

    This!! I can understand why she would hide the pregnancy, but she should have warned you before just showing up w/ a newborn.

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