(xp) If you don't do big parties for kids Bdays

LynsiBHM · February 2012

Why not?

Do you get any crap for it from friends/fam?

I think 1st Birthday parties (in particular) are more for the parents than the kid. And as one of the parents, I don't want to host a party. I want to just enjoy him. I want him to get messy in cake, open presents, have balloons and take lots of photos. (I also have a 1yr photoshoot planned with our photog friend a week before his Bday.) We don't have a lot of family or friends with kids in the same age group, so inviting the kids we know would mean we'd be entertaining ages 0-17 as well as all the adults. We both have big extended families and quite a few friends, so there is potential for a HUGE bash. I just don't want to deal with it. I know the birthday boy won't care either way and he won't remember anyway. Not to mention, he doesn't need a billion more gifts, he was just overly spoiled by his grandparents at Christmas.

I mentioned to H just doing a pizza party for our immediate families (parents, siblings and our only niece) and he's unsure. All of our friends and other family (cousins, etc.) keep asking when the party will be Indifferent Anyone that I tell about our low-key plans thinks i'm being lame and tries to talk me into some big bash. Becuase of this, H thinks we should "give in" and host a big party.

What's with the peer pressure? Anyone else in a similar situation? What are you doing or WDYD?

lexusolsen · February 2012

I am in the same boat. I am curious what others think.

eaglesfan700 · February 2012

We never do big parties. We did a Chuck E. Cheese party for DS' 3rd birthday, but that was mostly because he had been invited to a bunch of parties and was excited. The only family that was there was my sister and her H, because they have a 3 y/o too

We usually have dinner and cake with my parents and H's mom and her H. I have six siblings, but no one would ever give us a hard time about it. My family is super laidback and if someone has a party and people can't make it, it is NBD

I don't get the peer pressure either! We don't experience it, but I have heard from others they get it. If you want to have a big party go for it, but there is no reason to do it just because you think you should. I would rather have parties when they are older and are into it

We arent having a party for DS' birthday next month and won't have one for DD's in July.

Hope2Have · February 2012

I am currently planning a monster party. I do however get what you're saying... I do, but the way I see it is, you have his WHOLE life to do low key parties, and the next few for us will probably be pretty low key, but they only have 1 1st birthday party and I'm THRILLED about it.

countrygrl5533 · February 2012

I can tell you that as a kid, I never had big parties. Just mom, dad, siblings, and grandparents. That's it. Even for my first. I don't know if my mother was ever given a hard time for this but it is basically what I am planning. Maybe when they are older, like school age, they can have a couple friends (less than 5) over for a special day. But we are in the camp of big parties aren't necessary.

12bailey18 · February 2012

I like the idea of doing a big party but not EVERY year. I like certain years- 1st birthday, maybe another big party when she starts school, turns 10 or 13, 16 etc. I think throwing a big one every year is extreme and is not in our budget. Our friends are all away from home and family so you'll see relatively low key ones with just our circle. When DS turned 2 it was just DH, me, and DD and I loved it. You make it special whether it's big or small. Do what you want and please only do what you can afford...LOL.

CountryMile · February 2012

countrygrl5533:
I can tell you that as a kid, I never had big parties. Just mom, dad, siblings, and grandparents. That's it. Even for my first. I don't know if my mother was ever given a hard time for this but it is basically what I am planning. Maybe when they are older, like school age, they can have a couple friends (less than 5) over for a special day. But we are in the camp of big parties aren't necessary.

I agree with all of this.

For DS's first birthday we had my family and DH's family all together. For his second and his third coming up we will just have a party with DH's family. *14 people total* I am not into big parties at all. I would actually love to have something low key here, but DH's grandparents wouldn't be able to come so I have to have it at my IL's house.

yale · February 2012

We had a big party for DSs baptism and that was the last one. That was definitely a party that the adults expected and had little to do with DS (even though he was so small and probably didn't know the difference). We had attended multiple large first birthdays prior to DSs and it just seemed like too much to us. When we had just immediate family (parents and siblings) for his 1st birthday, he enjoyed every aspect of it - was in a great mood the whole time, enjoyed opening the small amount of gifts, had great time eating cake and in general, just didn't get overwhelmed. We wanted DS to have a good day. You could tell he knew it was a special day for him, which was great.

We did it again for his 2nd birthday and we'll continue to keep it small until inviting his school friends is appropriate. Nobody really said anything to us about it when we didn't send out the mass invite. I think some people were expecting it though because we got gifts from a few when we saw them elsewhere.

memali26 · February 2012

We went "big" for DD1's 1st birthday (about 30 people and that was keeping it to just close family). For her second next week, we're keeping it to pizza and cake with grandparents/aunts/uncles - still about 10 people. I just don't want to put the work into an elaborate party every year, and our house is just not big enough to handle it. So we've decided for 1, 5, 10, 16 we'll do "big" parties, and everything in between will just be a small, low-key celebration.

ETA: I know certain family members are griping about our decision behind our backs, but I've decided not to care. Not their kid, not their choice.

meangene · February 2012

We don't have any family in town, so last year (first birthday) my parents flew in and we took DD to the zoo, then cupcakes. BLAMO, birthday accomplished. We'll probably do something similar this year.

I know if we were in my home town, we'd have at least a dozen grown ups to invite to every occasion, plus a handful of kids. I can't imagine!

EveryNameIWantIsTaken · February 2012

We do a "big" party every year, but with all the family in town, and the couple of friends we have, it's still under 20 people total. If we just invited family in town, it would be about 14 people, so the few extra really doesn't make much of a difference.

I for one love planning and hosting the big parties. Yeah, they may be more for me but I enjoy entertaining and I rarely do it.

ktsnshn · February 2012

EmilyVReese80:
I think it's important to share that milestone with family, but I understand your desire (and share it) to have a special day for your family as well. Some may think it's overkill, but we have started the tradition of spending a special family day ON the kids' birthday and then a small get together on another date. That way the kids get to share their birthday with family (that is eager to share it with them as well) and close friends but we also have special quality time.

This is our plan. We took DS to the restaurant we ate at the night before I had him for his birthday last year. We will go there just the three of us again this year. We will have a family party with our parents, siblings, and nieces at least for the next few years. We like to host/entertain though and all of our family lives close by.

wifeandmama · February 2012

eaglesfan700:
We never do big parties. We did a Chuck E. Cheese party for DS' 3rd birthday, but that was mostly because he had been invited to a bunch of parties and was excited. The only family that was there was my sister and her H, because they have a 3 y/o too

We usually have dinner and cake with my parents and H's mom and her H. I have six siblings, but no one would ever give us a hard time about it. My family is super laidback and if someone has a party and people can't make it, it is NBD

I don't get the peer pressure either! We don't experience it, but I have heard from others they get it. If you want to have a big party go for it, but there is no reason to do it just because you think you should. I would rather have parties when they are older and are into it

We arent having a party for DS' birthday next month and won't have one for DD's in July.

Yeah, this. I HATE kid parties. I know it sounds awful, but I do. We do a pretty laid back thing, invite close family (I have 4 uncles that I am very close with, so they come with their spouses and maybe my 2 cousins) and my sister and BIL, parents, grandparents, and maybe my BIL/SIL and their kids. Sometimes we have a friend or 2 for Jude but this year we're just doing family (if we invite one friend, I feel like we have to invite all of his friends and it would be too much).... but no one gives us crap. I just make some chili or ziti, some cheese and crackers, and a fun cake (I like to go all out with the cakes, I must admit! I made and froze the parts to my snowman cake today... yay!)

CoffeeLovinMomma · February 2012

My little guy will turn 1 in 3 months, and I have already started thinking about it. I am planning on just having my family (parents, 4 younger siblings, grandparents, possibly older sister and her husband), my husband's family if they come down for it (parents, 5 siblings), and our closest friends who have four young kids. So there could be 26 people there... but that's just because we have huge families. I plan on having decorations and cake, and just let my LO play with everybody.

I did go to a 1st birthday party once where the parents spent close to a thousand dollars (bounce houses, catered, pony rides, etc) and there were SO many people there. They regret it now.

My husband and I also talked about making his birthday week special. We want to take him special places each day.... zoo, aquarium, beach, park, etc.

ccc'swife · February 2012

Honestly, I say just do what YOU want to do, and forget about what anyone else wants you to do. I only have one child and only want one, so for us, we like to do parties every year. Her first one was low-key at our house, but we invited probably about 30-40 people (family and close friends). Second was same, but at a park. Third was at Chuck E. Cheese's, and next week, her fourth birthday party will be at an indoor bouncy house with a lot of people.

We like to throw parties for her, so that's what we do I can totally understand the low-key thing, though, and we stuck to that mainly for her first and second. She's older now, though, and understands and has little friends she wants to invite, so it's a lot more fun.

pinkhappyheart · February 2012

I keep telling everyone I'm just having pizza and beer for the adults because my closest friends have babies similar in age to my LO and that I'm only inviting the closest friends and then our immediate family, which comes to about 15 people inlcuding babies.

Everyone thinks I'm joking because they all had huge parties. Well, I'm not. DH and I decided it would be better to do a really big 5 year old party ebcause she'll actually have friends at that age and she'll know what she wants to do.

jandb2011 · February 2012

For DS's 1st Bday, we did a HUGE party. If I remember correctly the only other children there, were my cousin's two LO's and 4 teenage cousins. Everyone else was adults and it was almost exclusively family. There were probably somewhere around 40 people there.

However, we haven't done a big party since and he turns 6 yrs old in two months. If we ever do another big party for him, it'll prob be when he hits double digits or 13...who knows.

My next LO isn't even born yet, and I already know I want to do a big party for her 1st Bday, as well. To me, it's just such a huge thing, hitting that 1 yr mark. After that though, I tend to prefer the smaller Bday parties.

ashleyhuney · February 2012

We are "big party" people and I totally don't regret going all out for DS's first birthday. It was half his birthday half we survived his first year, the invite even said as much. He doesn't remember it but does love looking at the pictures and video of it. He remembers a ton of his second birthday and of course his third, he talks about them from time to time. I had fabulous parties growing up and I want to give that gift to my kids as well. I'm an introvert and prefer to stay out of the limelight but birthdays were always a fun excuse to be the focus and I always felt so loved. "Big" has evolved, for DS's first it was 50 people, then the adults parred down and kids has increased so it's more like 30 people normally. My big parties growing up sometimes just had 10 friends but my mom always put a lot of effort into it that I appreciated then and now. Just my 2 cents.

MomLovesWine · February 2012

Of course it's for the parents. One of my pet peeves is when people don't want to do things that their kids won't remember. Sometimes the memories are purely for the parents! We did a big first birthday, no 2nd birthday and lots of people were hurt that we didn't invite them to celebrate with us.

Now, we didn't spend a lot of money on his first birthday (THAT I think is crazy!) but we invited all the family, our friends and we all had a great time watching DS and remembering his first year.

sabrina69barnes · February 2012

We are expecting our 5th child. We just can't afford 5 big parties a year. I've done things bigger for 1st birthdays but still not huge.

We are actually having a birthday party this weekend. I've just invited my parents, MIL, and a close family friend. It's for my SD and her school friends aren't close enough to be able to attend. I'll make her cake, serve a meal that she choses, she will open presents, and all of the kids will take turns with a pinata. This is pretty much how we do most birthdays. Around their birthdays the kids also get to pick an activity to do with just DH and I or just one of us.

With first birthdays I did invite a lot more people but things were still low key. My kids were both born in July so people could also go outside in our backyard to hang out. We live in a LCOL area so this isn't out of the norm at all.

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