Anyone's spouse start a business after you married/had kids? (long)

Monicagail1 · February 2012

How does that work with your home life? How do you balance your career with your spouse's business and family? Do you participate in your spouse's business, or business decisions?

After a 4 year job search my husband couldn't find a job in the area of his degree (BA, MA in K-12 health and PE), so he decided to start a personal training business about 2 years ago. He already had a ton of education/experience/certifications along those lines from his educational background, plus he owned a lot of equipment and we had space to devote in our basement, so it seemed like a natural progression. In theory it was low investment/overhead since he had a lot of equipment already, and could run the business out of our house, and it could be somewhat flexible allowing him to handle some childcare responsibilities and keep our daycare costs low. However I was a little apprehensive about the time and financial committment of him starting/running a business versus getting a regular 9-5 job with a steady paycheck.

The first year and a half weren't so bad. Business was slow, and there were some issues related to the financial strain of him not really earning any income, but he was able to handle the bulk of childcare for our daughter while I worked full time and focused on my career. In the last 6 months his business has really started to take off, which means he's working 7 days a week, primarily afternoons/evenings and weekends and not available much to share in the household stuff, or childcare in the evenings. There seems to be constant tension between us about how to handle the financials of his business (how much income to take for himself/our family versus invest back into the business) and my work responsbilities may be expanding soon to include more evening committments which raises questions about how we would handle childcare. With the recent increase in business there's also the possibility that he may need to start working on a plan to expand, which is stressing me out as well.

Adding to my feelings are the fact my dad was a small business owner, and I saw how much he worked, and how little time he had for family when we were growing up. I never wanted that for my kids, but I do want my husband to be happy about his career.

AZ123 · February 2012

Yes, my DH has. I personally love money and success way too much so we make the accommodations. The difference is that my DH's business isn't something that really flows to the weekends and week nights. I wouldn't like it cutting too much into family time so if you can designate one day a week where it is family time would be good.

The benefits of my DH working from our home far outweigh anything. It is the best of both worlds.

With regard to the finances, I suggest you meet with an accountant. Having a third party give advice regarding what should be reinvested into the business and what he should take-out will be helpful and keep the business out of the marriage. I personally don't involve myself that much in DH's business. I'm just too busy myself with my career and the kids. He'll vent about an issue he's having or ask advice but that's about it.

willa1117 · February 2012

Lurker here! But:

DH started his own business six months after we got married. For a while, I was the sole provider but it didn't mean much without kids to worry about. Four years and two kids later, DH is doing well with his business but I remain the stability. I have the guaranteed paycheck and carry the medical benefits for the family. I adjusted my hours at work so that I go in early and DH gets the boys ready and off to the sitter. He takes the morning shift and I take the late shift bearing most of the responsibilities for the boys when I get home from work. He's not reliable at night or on the weekends so a lot of the responsibility falls on me. It's tough but we have to make it work. We also get help from our mother's, especially when DH is traveling. As for the business side, DH has two partners which means I completely stay out of all business and money decisions. I trust that DH knows best what needs to be done in order to balance providing for the family as well as keeping the business going.

Monicagail1 · February 2012

I guess a lot of it boils down to trust issues. My DH is really knowledgeable in his field (personal training) but has no business experience and he's prone to making rash and risky (in my opinion) financial decisions. Lots of promising businesses fail this way, and if he's going to do it I want it to be successful. I have more business experience (business degree, work in a corporate environment, and handle some of the business functions for my dad's business) so I can't help but stick my nose in H's business. We have an accountant that we've mostly relied on for tax prep, etc, but we may have to look at expanding her involvement to more strategic planning.

If we didn't have kids I probably wouldn't involve myself as much, but since we had DD (and now a second DD on the way) it suddenly feels like there's a lot more at stake.

ppants · February 2012

DH started his own law practice. In the past 2 mo, there was a big change up and now he oversees two businesses. It has been very stressful. My twins started K this year and I began working PT (down from FT). It has been so helpful.

I am responsible for taking care of the kids 99.99% of the time. I also take care of dishes, laundry, cleaning, etc. DH works super hard and long hours so I try to give him the space to do his work needed and some breathing room after he's done. It's not too bad most of the time and once the kids are in bed I chill out and take it easy too. If I need him for an appt or something, he's very accomodating with about 2 weeks notice. Less than that and it gets tough with his client scheduling.

I don't make any business decisions. I prefer it that way

Monicagail1 · February 2012

Marcsgirl91607:

Lurker here! But:

DH started his own business six months after we got married. For a while, I was the sole provider but it didn't mean much without kids to worry about. Four years and two kids later, DH is doing well with his business but I remain the stability. I have the guaranteed paycheck and carry the medical benefits for the family. I adjusted my hours at work so that I go in early and DH gets the boys ready and off to the sitter. He takes the morning shift and I take the late shift bearing most of the responsibilities for the boys when I get home from work. He's not reliable at night or on the weekends so a lot of the responsibility falls on me. It's tough but we have to make it work. We also get help from our mother's, especially when DH is traveling. As for the business side, DH has two partners which means I completely stay out of all business and money decisions. I trust that DH knows best what needs to be done in order to balance providing for the family as well as keeping the business going.

This is very similar to how we're handling things now, except that H's business is just starting to take off so we're starting to experience growing pains from that. The other difference is that H has no business partners, so it's just him running everything and I feel like he's being stretched too thin.

GMH1183 · February 2012

Completely unrelated, but did you get a hold of that lactation consultant? :::hi from Lansing:::

willa1117 · February 2012

I completely understand your H being stretched to the limit. Mine is too, even with the partners. Sad

But I think you hit the nail on the head when you said there are trust issues. You have the experience and knowledge and your H can benefit from that. Is he receptive to you on that level? It sounds like you need to find that trust together. He needs to trust your experience and you need to trust in his decisions. I think it also comes down to boundaries. Your DH needs to put your fears at ease. Maybe setting those boundaries will help you reach that balance. Good luck

Monicagail1 · February 2012

GMH1183:
Completely unrelated, but did you get a hold of that lactation consultant? :::hi from Lansing:::

LOL, I guess I'd better be careful what I'm posting...there are eyes everywhere. Sadly no. I've called/emailed her 4-5 times, with no response. I found another LC in Brighton to call with issues (although she won't travel to me), and I started going to LLL meetings in East Lansing which is led by a different LC. Hopefully between all of that I'll get the help I need.

shouldbworkin · February 2012

DH just started his own company, which is scary. He's always been in sales, though, so some things have never changed. He will take a sales call almost whenever and where ever. Now that he's working out of a home office, his day is much more flexible, which is more helpful for me. We often switch off doing work on weekends if we need to. One of us will take the kids somewhere so the other can get a couple of hours of work in (I don't usually need to, but he does). We try to make sure we have a good balance of family time in there too, though. For us, it's all about communication - as long as we have advance warning we can make almost anything work. But, we don't deal with unplanned evenings out and weekend appts well.

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