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October 2011 Moms
traceyfoltz
member
Can't Be A SuperMom
traceyfoltz
member
Hi,
I'm new to the boards and need advice on how to juggle everything. My DD was born at 36 wks on Oct 29 and we didn't have the nursery finished yet and she spent a week in the NICU. Ever since then I feel like I am running on a treadmill getting no where fast. I went back to work Jan 2 and I just feel like I can never get caught up with anything around the house and that I don't have enough time to spend with my LO. I work full time, and I am taking 2 college courses on-line. Luckily my parents and my in-laws are my babysitters. I hate leave to her with them for any longer than necessary because they are already doing so much for us. My husband is amazing with my DD but he is a police officer and works a different shift every week so he is not always around to help out. He thinks I need better time management skills since he sees nothing getting done at night. I feel like I am a slave to the washing machine. By the time the LO falls asleep for the night, this mommy is too tired to get anything done. The nursery still isn't done yet. 
Anyone have any suggestions how to get everything done and still keep my sanity and spend time with my LO?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can't Be A SuperMom
(((hugs mama)))
First of all you don't have to be Super Mom. Anyone who claims to be one is probably lying out of their rear lol.
With regards to getting things done-- can you send a load through the wash as you are doing things for LO? For example, before I change DD, and have Tummy Time I throw a load of laundry in the wash. Then later by the time I am ready to do the DD routine again the wash is done and it goes in the dryer. Same with washing dishes/bottles. A little bit at a time so it doesn't build up.
I am a full time SAHM though-- so I know how you feel about not getting anything done. I am here all the time and should be able to get things done, right? Yeah, its still a struggle for me, so please don't feel bad when you've got two working adults outside the household.
Honestly, I know that we all want to have a cute put together nursery, but babies don't necessarily need all of that. Get the changing table, crib and clothes put in and you are good to go.
As far as getting to spend time with LO I really don't know how your schedule actually works. I am home all day with LO and she gets 8 hours of my face (sometimes I wonder if it is too much lol), but I do take a break in the evening when H gets home to eat, shower, and have a very small amount of time to myself. How much time do you get with LO at night when you get home? If you get to do the bed time routine, read a story, etc. that should be great for LO. The point is that you are trying and you are there, so please try not to stress mama. You are doing the best you can.
You are juggling a lot and its bound to feel hectic. Take it one day at a time, and try to prioritize if you can. The house can be a little dirty and some laundry may never get done. You have to accept some messy house stuff and roll with it.
I don't know where we get this idea that we have to be a super mom. Its bollocks and I think we should all strive to do the best we can with what we have. Keep on truckin' mama.
It is tough to juggle everything, and it sounds like you have a lot of balls in the air so-to-speak.
My suggestion would be since you are fortunate enough to have family close by to lean on them some more. I know you mentioned you feel they're already doing a lot, but if your family is anything like mine, they LOVE helping out and spending time with LO. It isn't a burden for them, it's a pleasure.
Another option if you can make some room in your budget is to hire a housekeeping service. They really aren't as expensive as most people think, and they are a HUGE help. I have a service come every other Friday so I only have to worry about light cleaning in between visits. Seriously, this is the best money we spend all month in my opinion, and I'm a SAHM!
It's hard, but I'm sure you will find a solution that works for your family. Just try to think outside the box. Good luck!
I felt the same way reading that! We all do the best we can, and no one can expect more from you! It's not about time management skills, it's about everyone pitching in and doing what needs to be done.
My best friend's husband is an officer, so I know that it can be trying on both your schedules (although her husband only changes shifts every 3 months). A lot of times she feels like a single mother because he's not home the same hours she is. But when he is home, he works as hard as any SAHM getting chores under control, cooking meals, doing everything the baby needs, so that when she gets home from work, there isn't anything for her to do but spend time with the baby.
I second the suggestion of taking advantage of the resources available to you in terms of your parents/inlaws. I agree they probably view it more of a fabulous opportunity to spend time with their grandchild and not a burden. No one can do this on their own - or at least, no one should have to do this on their own. Use whatever help is offered to you!
Welcome to the board!
From what you've shared, I think you should be feeling like a freakin' rock star. How on earth do you manage a house, work, take care of a baby, keep a marriage going and take college classes???? Kudos to you. I don't care if you have four foot piles of laundry and a kitchen floor that hasn't been cleaned since the dawn of time, you are doing an amazing amount of stuff!
Maybe you should write down everything you do each day (and I mean every little thing) for two weeks. It would make you realize how much you are accomplishing. Also, you could share it with DH and ask if he had any time management suggestions for you. If he has an idea or two, then great. More likely he'll be bowled over by what you've got on your plate.
I agree that the comment about time management skills has no place when you are doing two full-time jobs (work+baby - might even be more depending on how high-needs your child is!) plus classes. You should not feel guilty over undone chores!
But if you'd like to get a better handle on them, prioritizing is key. Of course baby's immediate needs come first, be that feeding, bedtime routine, or just playing/talking. In my book (I work full-time too), next is baby food (I pump and have to put away milk, clean bottles and pump parts every day), then baby laundry if he's low or almost out. After that, the cats, because even though they won't suffer if we're late with their food or litter, they will create more messes in protest. Then come the big people's needs, and I only pick one thing at a time that's "the worst:" if we're completely out of socks, then it's laundry weekend, if the bathroom is gray instead of white, then cleaning, if the fridge is echoing-empty, then food shopping, etc.
I am lucky enough that my husband (a SAHD at the moment) does get dinner together before I come home (it's his one big project each day). I try to do some dishes every day but never get them all. The bedroom is covered in piles of stuff and the kitchen floor is about to come alive. And with all this I'm still only getting half the sleep my body needs. So don't worry about being Super-Mom! Break out the paper plates, get some cheap takeout, and give a nephew/younger cousin/neighbor's kid five bucks to do some chores if you don't want to saddle the grandparents with more work. And you enjoy your time with baby, because you can have a clan house anytime twenty years from now, but your baby is only young once.
Thanks everyone for the words of advice. I was more than a little ticked at my DH for his comment, especially because he gets even less done than I do when he is home. He does try to keep the kitchen straightened up (at the every least there are usually clean bottles available), he will wash and dry the towels (for some reason the washer becomes completely foreign when it comes to the rest of the laundry.) We split the food prep when he is home for dinner which isn't very often. It just irritates me that it is acceptable for him to be productive and not for me. This week I have really tried to prioritize and be productive. He is working afternoons (3-11) so it is just me and the LO. Thankfully she has about 2 hours naps after I got her home so I could get something done, but that doesn't happen very regularly.
I am trying to get things done while she is playing with her toys and I am trying to get the things done that are absolutely necessary and the things that can be "seen". I am struggling trying to get all of her clothes straightened out and figure out what size she is wearing (who would have thought that a 3-6 month outflt would be smaller than some of her 0-3's).
I am going to try to leave her with the grandparents in the evening one night a week so I can blast through the necessary things. I get about 4 hours a night with her after I pick her up before she goes to sleep. Sometimes though she naps through half of the time and we only get the bedtime routine done together.
As for the nursery, the only thing we had to do (and still need to) is get the crib built. She won't be staying in the pack-n-play in our bedroom forever.
I just have to be happy that I get done what I do and I need to get my DH to understand that there isn't any more free time in the evening than he has earlier in the day.