How do you tell someone they will not be in the delivery room?

rawrandstuffx10 · February 2012

This is my second LO, and with DD1 I let MIL be in the delivery room. H and I decided that this time it would just be us in the room, and my entire pregnancy NO ONE has asked who was going to be in the room, etc.

Well, yesterday was my due date. In an effort to get things moving along, I went walking with MIL & GMIL, who annoy me to no end, but I try to put up with it.

First, GMIL infomed me that no matter what we name the baby, she will be calling him Eli. Uhmmm....no! His name will not be Eli, stop saying it! Then, she told H he would have to stay with DD1 while I was in the delivery room because MIL was going to be in there with me like last time. MIL didnt say anything, and I really didnt know what to say. H just laughed at her and said "yeah right."

Should I bring this up again? MIL hasnt said a word about it, so I'm not sure if GMIL was just talking out of her a$$ or what....

jessandandy09 · February 2012

Bring it up! its your baby, your experience and you should get to do it the way you want to. tell MIL that while you appreciated her help last time, this time you want it to just be you and DH. Ask her to help with DD maybe? But for sure let them know your wishes. As for the GMIL calling the baby ELI, maybe laugh at her and tell her that you will be happy to make up a new name to call her then :-) (a few come to mind for me) My sister keeps telling me she is going to call my daughter delilah but I know she is just kidding/screwing around with me. Lay down the law and good luck

abbyp216 · February 2012

Ugh, female in laws can be so horrible. Your GMIL confuses me...no matter what you name your baby, she's going to call him Eli? That is really odd and I would be really annoyed too...As for MIL, I would have your hubby talk to her. He needs to step up and be more clear than "yeah right." if it comes down to the day of, just tell the hospital staff that under no circumstances should anyone be let in your room except DH. I know how frustrating it is to have pushy in laws...my MIL is wonderful but dh's aunt and grandma are unbelievably pushy and irritating. His aunt keeps insisting that she be in the room the first time I breastfeed our daughter (I know, weird), and both I and DH have told her repeatedly that that is just not going to happen...yet she keeps bringing it up. So I have no qualms about enlisting the staff's help if I must!!! The way I see it, this day is going to be about mommy, daddy, and baby, and those are the people whose wishes and needs should be met...NOT the in laws!!!

pinksandbermuda · February 2012

Maybe it's the hormones, but as I get further along I care less and less about hurting other people's feelings. Maybe I'm just a jerk!

I'm getting nervous about how its going to go down, and just tell people that. I want to be alone w DH and not have to worry about what anyone else is doing.

You have every right to say how you want things to go. If they get upset, that is their issue.

jenmae3 · February 2012

I had a full army in there with me for my first delivery, but this time, I've decided to scale it down. There's two ways you can go about it -

1 - We're really worried about who will be watching DD1 - can we put you in charge of that while we're in the hospital?

2 - I really feel like I lost focus last time. I think this time, to have the labor I want, I'm really going to need quiet and focus.

GL!

LaVieEnRose3411 · February 2012

I'd say that they find out when they get to the hospital. If you tell the hospital that it's just you and your husband, they won't let anyone else in.

We may not tell anyone that I'm even in labor and just wait until the baby is born so that people aren't waiting around and I don't have to worry about people trying to get in. I know it's different for you since you already have a child so she will need to be watched, but try not to stress about it and just have your husband handle it (since he agreed to that plan too). You'll have too much going on.

cjevar · February 2012

I think it should be your husbands responsibility to tell his mother that you both decided that you want it to be just you too, just like it would be your responsibility if it was your mom. Neither of you should feel bad about saying it, it's your decision not theirs.

treble_clef · February 2012

It just sounds like your GMIL is aging and becoming more grumpy. Some people become more and more selfish as they age for some reason...

I would just have your husband tell them this time it would just be you two in the room.

I honestly don't understand why MIL's would think they are entitled to see DIL's giving birth. I promise I will not become one of those MIL's when my son gets married!!

Suern9870 · February 2012

If you can get away with it, why not just wait until after the baby is born to call them? Do they really need to know you're going into labor? Is there anyone else you can ask to watch DD1? Personally, I never understood, or had any desire, to have anyone other than hubby in the delivery room with me. Especially in laws, and I actually have a really good relationship with my in-laws. I just think some things (i.e., me giving birth) are just too personal to be shared with the whole family. But that's just me. Good luck!

octbridemaryland · February 2012

I would definitely pass the responsibility on to my H to relay the message that it will be just "us two" in the delivery room this time. I would try to soften the blow (assuming she really did expect to be in the delivery room) focusing on "needing" her to take care of your other LO.

It's terrible to think that wanting to experience the birth of your child with just your H would hurt anyone's feelings. In some ways, though, its a huge compliment that your MIL really wants to be there for the birth of her grandchild. Hopefully she will feel just as special if she asked to care for your first.

I know that when I give birth, whoever is designated to take care of my DD will be the first to know when this one is born. I really hope that this one is born during the day so my daughter can be the first to meet her brother/sister.

Unknown · February 2012

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hey_little_bird · February 2012

what is it with grandmas (in-law or otherwise) refusing to call the baby by it's proper name, and calling them something they want instead?

i see posts like that all the time!

i mean seriously, it's not your kid, you don't get to pick its name!

MotherMonster · February 2012

Just tell them "Sometimes God says no."...that's what I do. I had a bunch of friends that wanted to come and be in the delivery room...No thank you! I don't need a bunch of people staring at my female anatomy besides the health care professionals that are caring for me!

jayleigh68 · February 2012

MotherMonster:

Just tell them "Sometimes God says no."...that's what I do. I had a bunch of friends that wanted to come and be in the delivery room...No thank you! I don't need a bunch of people staring at my female anatomy besides the health care professionals that are caring for me!

Um what? Lol.

OP - Just tell them how it is. What is the big deal? "Sorry, it's just DH and I this time."

Mrs.Wifey318 · February 2012

DH and I have decided to keep it very simple. It will be just us and the medical staff. I made it clear early on in my pregnancy.

cdc1982 · February 2012

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it unless MIL brings it up. Not sure how old GMIL is but she might be from the time that the hubby's weren't suppose to be in there & just be, as you said, talking out her a$$

Annie234567 · February 2012

Old people can get away with anything. Don't worry. They'll all be dead soon enough. My dad's grandmother called him Patrick until the day she died (40 years later). His name was Stephen; she just thought he looked more like a Patrick.

Your GMIL is talking out her a$$. She might have been joking, but it doesn't really matter if she actually believed your H would stay with DD or not because she has no say in the matter. Chin up! If any confrontations with the MIL have to occur, they can be your H's job since it's his side of the family. It sounds like he is capable of that based on his response to his GM. Smile

laurakaz13 · February 2012

I don't know why anyone has a tough time with this. I really don't. Just have your H tell them. Not ask their permission, just TELL THEM NO!

Or you can do what we did and not call anyone until LO arrived. Why do you have to tell them you're in labor at all? I don't get it.

ZoeyMarie · February 2012

I wouldn't bring it up. I'd just find someone else to watch DD1 & not tell MIL when you went into labor. Call her after LO2 gets here & you're ready for visitors.

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