Scared to tell stepmom NO!

Dreamcometrue17 · February 2012

Hey guys! First time posting. I am 25 and have battled PCOS my whole life, always under the impression I wouldn't be able to have children! Amazingly, I have been blessed with a fairly uncomplicated pregnancy! Everyone in my family is pretty ecstatic, but my step-mom is downright pyscho happy over this news!! As I'm getting into the home stretch here (15 more weeks to go or so!) I'm trying to make decisions about labor. My step-mom is under the impression (or delusion) that she is going to be in the delivery room with me. As much as I adore her, she's a little bit controlling and very high-strung...not really someone who is going to keep me calm and relaxed while giving birth. I've decided to have my fiancee and my cousin there with me (mostly because they are the two who will keep me the most sane!) but I'm so scared to tell step-mom NO! I do not want to hurt her feelings (she's very sensitive - VERY!) but I seriously can't handle having her there. HELP!!!

speckledfrog · February 2012

I think you have to accept that her feelings will be hurt. Be kind and firm and you'll both get through it.

Apples&Bananas · February 2012

That's a tough one. You just have to be honest and say that you want your husband and cousin there for support and that anymore people will be overwhelming. Maybe you could tell her that you feel uncomfortable having too many people see all your lady stuff. lol!

I would follow up by saying something to the affect of "I would love for you to be in the waiting room so you could see the baby right away." That that would be special to you. Maybe including her in some other things or responsibilities before baby arrives can soften the blow but let her know she's important.

I think as long as your honest but gentle towards her she'll be ok. Good luck!

FormerlyKrista555 · February 2012

You've gotta grow some balls and just tell her no. If she gets her feelings hurt or gets mad, that's her fault. She never should've assumed she would be in the delivery room... that's extremely presumptuous.

Congrats on your pregnancy. It's a shame that so many doctors tell women with PCOS that their chances aren't likely to get pregnant. That's so untrue. There are so many treatments out there, both natural and medically.

duffmaker · February 2012

I had the same predicament, but with my mother. We have never had a good relationship, so I didn't want her in there because of the stress it would cause me but if I told her that she would lose it on me so it was a lose lose situation. But she did end up being there, was actually great! She even cut DD's cord! Then a week ago DD's paternal grandma (she is amazing and I was dead set on having her there all throughout my delivery!) her and DD dad clued me in on how awful my mother actually had been behind my back... saying how I was weak, because I got an epi and she had gone natural and how I was gross, covered in stretch marks when she didn't get one etc. etc., I now regret having her there and she won't be included in any future deliverys. Some advice I received when I asked a similar question on TB was to just accept that her feelings will be hurt but things should be fine once baby is here! Also, because of how my mom's reaction would be to not being aloud in, some bumpies suggested to have the nurses tell her only X number of people are aloud in the room and that I have already hit that amount... that way it wouldn't come down on me and my experience.

marriedsisterofbride · February 2012

I told my mother right from the start that the only person besides medical staff in the D room is my husband. This is her first biological grandchild but I don't care. My mother has a habit of making me insane and I am already going to be in pain I do not want to deal with her on top of it. FYI: My husband and I have discussed what our plan is for after the birth and will be going as far as to allowing ourselves a couple hours before telling anyone we have even given birth. We will tell her that we are at the hospital and that we will call them when we are closer but not really able to call until then...then we will wait a couple hours. I want to nurse, I want to spend time with my baby and my husband. I don't want anyone running up to the hospital thinking it is a parade. I have a big family, I want to atleast get out of a bloody johnny before people start showing up.

kelseybooth · February 2012

i went through almost the same thing, only mine was a little different. my step mom assumed she would be in the room because when i was 16 (5 years ago) i told her she could be in the room when i have my first baby. taken a little seriously much? lol. so then recently she cheated on my father & still expected to be in the room. i had to tell her no because i just have no respect for her really anymore. its hard to tell someone no but you gotta do whats best for you and your baby. good luck

Suern9870 · February 2012

amdjelly:
You have to do what is right for you, and just tell her no. Her feelings may be hurt, but it's not about her in this instance.

THIS. There really isn't anything you can do to effect how she will respond to the news. That's her issue, not yours. If she's hurt, sorry, but so be it.

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