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Babies on the Brain
BabySmiles31
member
I want to be TTC now, Husband wants to wait...
BabySmiles31
member
Hey there! I am new to all this, just wanted some other opinions out there. I am 24, and my husband is 25. We have been together for three years, married for one and a half. He has had a very good, stable job for four years with excellent health insurance. I have been in school, and will be finishing up my Bachelor's degree in late June. If we start trying and conceive right away, a baby will be here towards the end of the year. My husband wants to wait until I get a job (something that isn't very promising considering the job market right now) and I feel more like we aren't getting any younger, and there is never a good time to have a baby. He is afraid that potential employers will discriminate against me (even though it's illegal to) if I am pregnant and a job comes up. He wants to start trying, and has said multiple times that we could try if I had a job, but sadly I do not 
When I got my period last month, I was really upset because I wasn't pregnant! Any advice or tips from people that have been in similar situations? Thanks so much!
When I got my period last month, I was really upset because I wasn't pregnant! Any advice or tips from people that have been in similar situations? Thanks so much! 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I want to be TTC now, Husband wants to wait...
I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but I'm on your husband's side. If you plan on having a career, I'd worry about finishing school and getting a job first.
As far as you not getting any younger, you are only 24 years old. Your eggs aren't going to expire anytime soon.
Signed, 33 year old hag
I would step back and wait until your husband is ready. While you're waiting for that, focus on graduating and your job search. Make a plan to re-visit it in a few months and see how you both are feeling, and keep doing that until you're on the same page. You are right, there never is a perfect time for a baby but you BOTH have to be excited and prepared.
24 is young! Don't feel rushed, you've only been married for a 1.5 years!
Although employers legally can't discriminate because you're pregnant doesnt mean they don't. Also, FMLA doesn't apply unless you've been at a company for a year so that's something to consider. If you were hired somewhere while pregnant then your maternity leave could jeopardize your job.
Just something to think about.
:shakes head:
:puts dentures in to hear better:
:hobbles away with walker:
I had my son when I was 24 (I actually am still 24:)) if you want to get a job you should wait to get pregnant. I felt like I was discriminated against when I was job hunting because I was engaged at 22 and looking for a job. I think most people thought I would just get pregnant fast and leave. (which incidentally enough did happen but not on purpose).
When I got pregnant my husband was incredibly supportive because we went into our marriage knowing an unplanned pregnancy was a possibility. (we use natural family planning and I wasn't very good at it during our honeymoon )
Anyway, I love my son but if we could have had a little more time as a married couple I would want that. A baby changes both of your lives, so you both have to be ready!
::Lurker butting in::
While I agree there is no "perfect" time to get pregnant, the last thing you want is to get pregnant if your husband has plainly expressed he wants to wait. You two need to sit down and talk it out and make compromises.
I personally got married young and started having kids young. I don't think there us anything wrong with having kids young. That being said, having kids definitely complicates marriage even in the most stable relationships. I can't imagine starting a family if my husband wasn't ready.
Good luck!
I have to say, I can sympathize with you. For about the past 6 months, I was in your shoes...I just had that strong desire to be a mommy. However, I knew that DH wasn't ready, because he had made it so clear. At first, I was really upset and would cry often, but then decided to step in his shoes, and give him time to figure out when he was ready and take things from his perspective, and finally realized that I was being a little unreasonable about it. After not mentioning ANYTHING about babies, he finally came around and we started TTC this past month. I'm not saying that this will be the case for you, but just know that the time will come, we just have to be patient. GL to you!
I have to agree with the previous posters. While there's no "right age" to conceive a baby, if your DH isn't ready, he isn't ready. Forcing him to try and be ready might only create resentment for you. When you say you "aren't getting any younger", that is true, as no one is, but you certainly don't qualify as "getting old" in any way. You aren't all that old! You have PLENTY of time. Believe me. Although I wasn't married at 24, my mentality and maturity were much different almost 10 years ago (I'll be 34 in November). I changed so much from 24/25-30 years old and you might too.
You may really want to enjoy the first couple of years of your marriage, travel, finish school and get a good job. Or get multiple jobs, because that's what I and lots of people did in our 20's. We jumped jobs until we found one we could stand to work at for more than a year! Get settled, really settled and then give yourself a little bit of time. Then think about it again. GL to you and yours.
[MC 11.20.11] [DS born 9.24.12] [DD born 10.15.14]