- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Attachment Parenting
KCKappa
member
WWYD? Feeling guilty/sad about sleep training...
KCKappa
member
DD is 10mo and has never been a great sleeper. Since the 4MW she's been up every 1-2 hrs throughout the night most nights. We're pretty anti-CIO, so we've never tried to sleep train and I've just nursed her back to sleep at each nightwaking. Over the past couple of months, she's been more and more difficult to get back to sleep though and has been taking longer to initially get to sleep at bedtime as well. We tried cosleeping for about 6 weeks in there, but it didn't seem to help her sleep any better and it made our sleep even worse. At times it seems like we're the ones keeping her awake by trying to rock and snuggle her to sleep.
So, after much debate in the midst of our exhaustion, at bedtime two nights ago I nursed and rocked her for about 10 minutes instead of until she was fully asleep like usual, then put her in her crib awake to see if she might possibly go to sleep on her own (which she does with no problem for naps at DCP). Our plan was to give her 5 minutes, then go back to the usual routine if that didn't work. Well, she did cry hard for 3-4 minutes, but then miraculously she just abruptly stopped, laid down with her blanky and went right to sleep. She only woke up three times that night, which is much better than she's done in ages. I nursed her each time and she went back to sleep fairly quickly. Last night I did the same nurse/rock for 10 minutes then put her in her crib awake and she cried for literally 30 seconds, then laid down and went to sleep. She only woke up two times last night.
Here's my problem - I'm not saying our sleep issues are solved after two nights, but if they are, I feel sad and guilty. I never intended to let my child cry to "teach" her to sleep. I might be imagining it, but I feel like she has been holding onto me a little tighter when I pick her up in the mornings. 
Other than that, she's her same happy self. And at the same time, I feel so much better having gotten 5 straight hours of sleep last night for the first time in months. So - would you stick with laying her down awake tonight? Or go back to nursing/rocking all the way to sleep (which I had no problem with, it just didn't seem to be working as well anymore and seemed to be contributing to the nightwakings)?
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WWYD? Feeling guilty/sad about sleep training...
you have NOTHING to feel guilty about! you managed to get your child to sleep and you are teaching her that she can fall asleep on her own--that's huge! you should be giving yourself a big pat on the back, IMO :-)
except for when my son was a tiny infant (under 6-8 weeks) I always, always put him down drowsy but awake. (I was lucky that he didn't fuss and was good at just going to sleep on his own) So in your case, if it were me, I'd keep laying down awake and see how it goes. best of luck!
I just want to give you a world as beautiful as you are to me.
Bar tab = $156,000, Bus to Foxwoods = $0, Puking in the Stanley Cup = Priceless
This is not me being snarky. You won't feel bad in a week, I promise. Sleep training is the best thing I could have done for my LO. I will not hesitate to train the next one once bedsharing stops working out.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
If Ari would've stopped crying in 5 mins, I would've sleep trained in a heartbeat. I think there's a huge difference between crying for an hour vs crying for 5 mins, a 10 mo old vs a 4 mo old, CIO during developmental stuff, etc.
It sounds like she was ready to put herself to sleep. My DS was the EXACT same way. One night he started getting fussier and fussier while rocking to sleep. I put him in his crib, let him have 5 min to calm down and for me to calm down. He passed out in like 3 minutes. Ever since then he puts himself to sleep. He still has night wakings where we have to soothe him but it's so much better and we've had nights where he has been fine all night.
I just think of it like this. Your LO was crying for what 4 minutes? Basically she was yelling at you saying that she was ready to do this on her own and she was tired and wanted to go to sleep. If the nursing/rocking to sleep wasn't working it's because she is ready to be falling asleep differently. For her, this is on her own. She sounds like a strong willed little girl who is ready to go to sleep by herself. You didn't FORCE her to go to sleep, you listened to her cues and let her tell you what she wants. If she didn't want toI go to sleep on her own she would have cried MUCH MUCH longer.
Don't feel guilty. But in the same sense I wouldn't go back to rocking/nursing to sleep. She's clearly saying she's ready to be on her own and if it wasn't working well it probably will continue to be more difficult. A lot of our guilt is our own confusion with what we want. I miss my little baby who I rocked to sleep. But I'd rather get a good stretch of sleep so I'm well rested to take care of him. I'd be more inclined to bring him into bed when he has an early morning wake up and snuggle then instead of at bedtime.
I agree. I don't like CIO, but that's what not it sounds like you did, OP (IMO). I think it sounds like you responded to your LO's cues about her changing needs for sleep and found something that works for your whole family. If LO had really needed you, she would have let you know. Don't feel guilty!
THIS.