Why do I feel like we got duped?

Katybug_h · February 2012

About a month ago I posted how we were pursuing the adoption of a sibling group (of 3) from foster care. In the middle of everything, we were placed with "Turtle" our foster son, with the condition that we would still be able to pursue those three siblings.

Before we were placed with Turtle, it seemed that everything was going well with the sibling group, and that adoption was a definite possibility. However, after we got Turtle, it seemed like everything came to a complete halt. I don't know if it was just coincidence, or what, but all of a sudden some there were severe allegations of sexual abuse involving the sibling group.

In addition, the day these "allegations" came out, all of a sudden our county had more available children. The funny thing about that is that just two month ago we were informed that our county had no children available, which is why we were pursuing these kids from a different county.

We ended up trusting our case worker, and decided that, emotionally, we weren't prepared to accept these children in our home. It was so hard turning them down, and I still think about them often. As much as I want to trust our case worker and the state agency, I can't help but feel they weren't completely honest with us because they want us to adopt kids within our county.

I don't know...this post really doesn't have a point, but I just needed to vent. We actually did receive a phone call about a different available sibling group in our area, so it's something we're looking into. I just hope we weren't duped for the benefit of our county agency, and that the other sibling group finds a good home.

mamatojts · February 2012

When allegations of abuse come up when children are already in the system, everything stops. They have to address those issues before anything else can be done (ie reunification, adoption, etc.) BUT it's good that you've already got a call about another group. That's definitely a good sign. As a former foster parent, I felt devastated each time we "lost" children, but in the end, our true children found us. And I truly believe that for everyone.

Jenn is Silly · February 2012

This is one of the reasons we have opted not to pursue foster care for foster/adopt (in the future we'd like to do foster care). I spoke with our SW during our homestudy about a situation with a friend in Idaho (they placed a baby with them saying shed be free to adopt within weeks only to then find out after placement that was not the case). Our SW said our county does the same.exact.thing to get parents to take placements full well knowing they'll be reunified.

bhead81 · February 2012

During our PSMAPP trainings our leaders told us to basically go into foster care with the mindset that the kids you are caring for are temporary. The state of Arizona is all about reunification and actually have negotiated % rates with foster care agencies...our agency has to keep a 90% reunification rate. Personally I think it is rediculous to require a % as it ultimately is up to the parents if they can get their children back...our agency can provide all the resources they want but if the parents don't do their part they will not reunify. If DH and I want to adopt from the system we will look at kids that are already in the system as adoptable.

CaptainSerious · February 2012

I'm so sorry. I don't know if you were lied to, although it wouldn't surprise me based on stories I've heard from people in the system. It's also possible that they knew about the abuse allegations but couldn't say anything to you until a certain point. Either way, I'm sorry you find yourself in a position where these kids may not be placed with you. I know how difficult it is everytime you think you've found your children only to learn that it's not going to work out.

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