1-2-3 Magic/Timeout Mommies

MrsMillerTime · February 2012

Thank you for all the suggestions last week as I was dealing with DD's epic tantrums. We're not "in the clear" by any stretch of the imagination but just being back at home in our regular routine the last several days has already helped tremendously. I do realize that we need to implement some kind of discipline and I've been reading 1-2-3 Magic like a crazed maniac all weekend.

If you've read the book/implemented it in for your kids, I do have a couple quick questions.

The book recommends having a sit-down with your kids to explain the new discipline "plan". It also says that for 2-3 year olds that you might need to pretend/act it out with them so they can actually see what will happen. This sounds like a bunch of bullshiit in my book and I can't imagine DD will comprehend what we're trying to show her. Am I not giving her enough credit?

Also - the book also suggests that they have timeout on their own. I'm not really comfortable with that and would much rather sit with her so that I'm there for comfort if she needs it. Am I being too emotional about it? Is it really "better" for her to have a 2-3 minute time out on her own?

Any tips/suggestions you have for implementing this would be greatly appreciated!

rssnlvr · February 2012

We started it before she was 2, but I imagine if I tried to explain the "new plan" to DD right now, she'd laugh and think it was a game. It really only took a couple of times of her getting to 3 and seeing what happened before she got it.

So far, we prefer one of us sitting with her. We use it as a chance to let her cool down, to explain to her what the deal is, what's going to happen when we return to the scene, etc. Maybe as she gets older, she'll need the solo time, but right now I don't think it would be as effective.

mlf625 · February 2012

We didn't explain it to DS, we just started it after I'd read the book.

MrsMillerTime:
Also - the book also suggests that they have timeout on their own. I'm not really comfortable with that and would much rather sit with her so that I'm there for comfort if she needs it. Am I being too emotional about it? Is it really "better" for her to have a 2-3 minute time out on her own?

IMO, she'll be totally fine. We have a time out chair for DS. It's around a corner so he can't see and/or interact with us while he's on TO, but can hear us (and listen for his timer to go off). I think it gives the kid a better chance to cool off and think about what happened if mom isn't right there. She'll be okay!

Mainer-in-Texas · February 2012

We just started this a few weeks ago and I just started doing it with no explaining - she got it after I did it twice. I put her in her room by herself and it works really, really well. She usually calms down immediately and starts playing with something. I have the video monitor so I can watch her, but I also know that the room is safe.

Also, thought one of the main concepts in the book was not to spend a lot of time explaining (because it was part of the "little adult syndrome.=".) I thought you were supposed to offer one explanation with the initial "no" (like "no hitting, it hurts" and then start counting if the behavior continues, and I thought you weren't supposed to mention the "crime" at all after the timeout.

BLONDIE6FT · February 2012

Our dd has been difficult since birth so we started awhile back. We did timeouts for awhile but she kind of enjoyed screaming while sitting there. So now we ask if she needs to go in the garage and scream. She does. When she's done, she comes back in. We ask her if she's all done, then ask what she needs or we ask that she use her words. We stumbled onto this solution after many books.

Sometimes we ask her if she needs a quiet moment in her room if she's getting cranky. It works for us

BLONDIE6FT · February 2012

oh and we did sit with her when we started using timeouts. just for her to understand the process. we did not talk to her or look at her. we were just quiet. we also used to tell her why she was in timeout (a short simple sentence). she knows now why she has 'timeout' in the garage, sowe do less explaining and more encouraging her to express what she wants/needs using her words.

bluestreet · February 2012

I didn't implement this miracle until my girls were 3 and 7, but I think what has been so effective is that each DD knows that she doesn't get to interact with other people, including me, when she behaves in socially inappropriate ways. If you're in time-out with her, she's still getting attention. I wonder how effective it will be in the long run. It might just teach her to throw tantrums when she craves one-on-one attention from you. Starting when she was 3, I've had my now 4-year-old sit in the hall off of the living room. She can see me and I can see her, but I won't interact with her. That method has worked well for us. It lets her know, "Hey, I don't want to spend time with you when you act like that/talk to me like that."

The nice thing for your DD is that it will only be 2 minutes, so short and sweet. GL!

ali-1411 · February 2012

bluestreet:
I didn't implement this miracle until my girls were 3 and 7, but I think what has been so effective is that each DD knows that she doesn't get to interact with other people, including me, when she behaves in socially inappropriate ways. If you're in time-out with her, she's still getting attention. I wonder how effective it will be in the long run. It might just teach her to throw tantrums when she craves one-on-one attention from you. Starting when she was 3, I've had my now 4-year-old sit in the hall off of the living room. She can see me and I can see her, but I won't interact with her. That method has worked well for us. It lets her know, "Hey, I don't want to spend time with you when you act like that/talk to me like that."
The nice thing for your DD is that it will only be 2 minutes, so short and sweet. GL!

This. Even negative attention is still attention.

They don't need consoling when they are in a tantrum. They need to figure out how to calm themselves down, we can't do that for them.

bobcatsteph · February 2012

ali-1411:
bluestreet:
I didn't implement this miracle until my girls were 3 and 7, but I think what has been so effective is that each DD knows that she doesn't get to interact with other people, including me, when she behaves in socially inappropriate ways. If you're in time-out with her, she's still getting attention. I wonder how effective it will be in the long run. It might just teach her to throw tantrums when she craves one-on-one attention from you. Starting when she was 3, I've had my now 4-year-old sit in the hall off of the living room. She can see me and I can see her, but I won't interact with her. That method has worked well for us. It lets her know, "Hey, I don't want to spend time with you when you act like that/talk to me like that."
The nice thing for your DD is that it will only be 2 minutes, so short and sweet. GL!
This. Even negative attention is still attention.
They don't need consoling when they are in a tantrum. They need to figure out how to calm themselves down, we can't do that for them.

I agree with this. We put DD in her room alone..and I have to hold the door closed because she can open it. I count (silently) to 2 minutes and I can hear her go from screaming to calm and she (almost) always comes out much more calm and apologizes.

ETA: We never even explained it to her but she picked up on the counting really quickly..maybe they do it at school or something?

lyndamf · February 2012

We didn't really explain it. At the time we started implementing time outs, he wouldn't have understood. He very quickly learned what a time out was and what the counting meant.

He has to sit by himself. I found he cools down a lot faster when he is left alone. Plus I didn't want it to turn into a mommy and me time. I wanted him to understand the seriousness of it. But we did find a spot in his room for him to sit because that way I would know that he was in a safe place.

When he is done with his time out we talk about why he went to time out and how to avoid it happening again. We tell him we love him and give him a big kiss and hug so that he knows that we are not mad at him. We also ensure that whichever parent initiated the time out is the one that follows through with everything completely. No interference from the other parent.

Temp13436125005166 · February 2012

MMT I saw your post earlier this week but I haven't had a chance to reply. Are you still interested in non-timeout strategies/ideas? We've never done timeouts and given we're only at 4 right now but I fee like it's been great for Megan. Most of the time she does the right thing, listens and respects limits we've set.

MrsMillerTime · February 2012

Michelle&Russ:
MMT I saw your post earlier this week but I haven't had a chance to reply. Are you still interested in non-timeout strategies/ideas? We've never done timeouts and given we're only at 4 right now but I fee like it's been great for Megan. Most of the time she does the right thing, listens and respects limits we've set.

I would LOVE to hear your strategies. You're welcome to email me if that is easier (mrsmillertime at gmail)

Thanks!

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