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2nd Trimester
torneen
member
Dealing with grief
torneen
member
I am having a hard time and I was wondering if anyone had any experience with grief during pregnancy? I had to put my two cats down this weekend (yes, both of them). I had them for nine years and loved them so very very much. I have been trying to recover, but my emotions have been getting the better of me and I am not doing so well. This has crushed me and I am broken hearted. I am trying to be brave and move on for the sake of my baby, but I keep getting overwhelmed with emotion and breaking down and crying. I don't really want to go into details as to why we had to put them down. I will only say that everyone around me keeps telling me that it was the humane thing to do; but my heart is still breaking over my decision.
Has anyone dealt with grief while pregnant?
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Re: Dealing with grief
I know exactly what you are going through... On December 10th we had to put down Wishbone, my 17 year old dog who's been in my life since the 2nd grade.
It was the hardest decision and it still sort of haunts me, as I was in the room with her the whole time. We took her body and buried her at my grandparent's, which provided some sort of comfort-- but it was still very difficult knowing that we had to make the decision that ultimately resulted in her humane death.
I cried for hours afterwards, (think: scream crying and sobbing heavily-- I hadn't cried like that since my grandfather passed away 11 years earlier) and randomly for days afterwards thinking about her and envisioning her slipping away. I will tell you though, that the pain you are feeling goes away with some time... You will not feel like this forever. It's been 2 months and I am OK now and have come to terms with the situation.
My best advice would be to write a note to your cats, telling them how you feel. Even expressing maybe if you are feeling guilty (I know I was) and get those feelings out. Do not hold that kind of stuff in. Your cats love you and thank you for your humane response to a situation that you felt was best for them. Maybe get a stone and decorate it with their names in their honor and place it outside in your garden. Do what makes you feel best to come to terms with their passing.
If you need to PM me, I am available. I am a huge animal lover and sometimes would argue that I like my animals better than I like humans
I hope you feel better soon... *hugs*
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"Everything happens for a reason"
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When I was pg with DS, I lost my grandma at 36 wks. Because the funeral was a state away, I couldnt go. I just cried a lot, was down in the dumps for a while, and just keep reminding myself that she was in a better place, and that she was 90 years old, and her health was failing fast, so maybe it was better this way than to end up in a nursing home for years barely there.
Make a pregnancy ticker
Thank you. Thank you to everyone for your thoughtful replies. I too love animals tremendously. A lot of the time, more than most people I meet. I hope to one day soon come to terms with this decision. I just can't help but feel like I broke a promise to my kitties. I really like the idea of writing a note expressing my feelings to my kitties. I think that may help get some emotions out. Then, when I am ready I may place a stone at their grave. My parents really stepped in to help me and my husband out with this; they even buried our cats next to theirs in their backyard.
I hate the uncontrollable crying. Sometimes I just shed a tear and others I feel like screaming and crying at the same time.
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this while pregnant. It is much harder because of all the hormones, etc. that we experience during this time. I am a huge animal lover myself and have two dogs who are are "kids". I just watched Marley & Me the other night and cried my eyes out.
I can only image what you are going through, but try to stay strong and let yourself grieve as much as you need. Holding it in can cause you more pain and stress, which is not good for you or your LO. If you have any friends/family who you can talk to, make sure to reach out. I am sure they will be more than happy to comfort you. Try to remember that time does heal things. T&Ps go out to you!
My 16 year old cat passed unexpectedly while he was being treated overnight at the vet's office in my first trimester. I am still sad and sometimes tear up over him. I do always feel a little better after really letting the snot-sobs out. I find it really helpful to be able to just reminisce about him aloud to my husband. My advice is to just cry when you need to and only time will really help you heal.
((hugs))
I had to put one of my cats down a week before Christmas. Not to get into too many details she got into something and it was something that shouldn't have been left out for her to get into. We paid to have a surgery to try to save her but two days after the surgery she needed another surgery and we just couldn't spend the money. I cried for days and days because I felt (and still feel) like the whole thing was my fault. I shouldn't have left out the thing she ate and I made the decision not to spend the money for a second surgery to try save her. I don't really have any advice other than let yourself cry whenever you need to and eventually the grief does subside. I still get waves of it once in awhile. My son loved the cat and his first word was actually her name and he'll still say it whenever he sees another cat. It rips my heart out.
I'm really sorry for your loss. I can't imagine having lost both of my cats at once.