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Maryland Babies
KathrynMD
member
do your parents/in laws pay for stuff for your kids?
KathrynMD
member
I went to a play w/ my gf (and her kids and mom) last month - and it was like 50/pp. I commented on the price to my gf and she said her mom bought her kids tickets and then yesterday, I was talking to someone about Disney on Ice and my friend told me her parents got tickets for her and her family to go (not with them). I have another friend who's parents pay like 1/2 their daycare bill too.
My parents aren't particularly cheap, but they aren't super lavish either. I doubt it would ever occur to my parents on ILs to buy anything big like that for us/DD.
My mom did buy DD's bedroom furniture (which was ridic expensive in retrospect), but other than toys at Christmas/birthday, they've never paid for any kind of experience or event for her (or us).
Just curious what's the norm in other families.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: do your parents/in laws pay for stuff for your kids?
DD is still a little young, but with my nieces, my mom pays for things she takes them too. So if my mom, sister, and the girls are going somewhere my mom will pay. I can't think of a time (other than a Christmas/birthday gift) where my parents paid for something that they weren't directly involved in.
With my MIL, I'm not really sure. Hmmm how do I put this nicely? She likes to throw money around as a way of showing love/affection so I wouldn't be at all surprised if she offered stuff up for Lucy as she got older (though DH and I have already talked about how we're not really comfortable with that). I know she is overly generous with my SILs kids.
The only thing on a regular basis is diapers. My mom has probably bought about 90% of J's diapers because she picks them up at Sams. I've offered to pay her back, but she refuses.
My MIL will get a bunch of clothes when she goes to the outlets for a shopping spree like twice a year. My mom bought J's crib and told us she will for the next one too (it's weird it's a family thing, all my aunts/uncles did the same for their grandkids).
Other than Christmas and his birthday, nothing else I can think of. Man, half DC would be awesome! but at the same time I would feel guilty and like paying that is my responsiblity as a parent.
All things considered it's a little ridiculous, but my mom buys a TON of stuff for DS. They're his daycare so at the house on a daily basis during the work week. My mom is constantly showing up with clothes, toys, etc etc. Nothing huge but it obviously adds up. Of course with how intertwined our lives are I'm constantly picking things up for them too - but pretty sure it usually doesn't come close to outweighing what they do for DS.
I'm an only child, though, and DS is of course their first grandchild - so......they're a little indulgent.
lovelylittleworld
BFP#2 1/12/12 ~ Missed M/C 8w2d
Nothing big. If we want to go to a show, we pay for the tickets.
My in-laws may bring DD a little gift when they come to visit, but it would be along the lines of a coloring book or something like that. My parents live with us, so my mom may pick up an occassional gallon of milk or pound of cheese. They do bring home goodies more often than I would like, LOL.
Now Christmas is a total different story. My parents and ILs always go way overboard with gifts and I think it is entirely too much. Honestly, I'd prefer tickets to a show or a box of diapers rather than 50 million toys. I'd never complain to them though!
My mom bought a lot of stuff for my nieces bc she initially got sucked into a competition with my SIL's mother (who my SIL admits has a shopping problem) -buying them clothes, toys, etc etc.
She has since backed off a lot and while she still buys their diapers, she has limited the random spending to big things - she bought both of their Britax car seats (allegedly as "first birthday presents" but she went kind of nuts with other stuff too lol), she bought their crib and glider, and then whenever she goes out to visit or they are here she takes them shopping and buys them clothes and toys and stuff. She gets a kick out of being a "real" grandmom though (as opposed to raising her first grandchild) that that kind of stuff is fun for her. But like my SIL's mom will send out a box every month filled with clothes. My mom stopped that and now buys them their Christmas outfits, for example, and that kind of stuff. And probably a lot more that I don't know about lol.
She also tries really hard not to control them or impose her wishes but with some things she offers to pay so they will do what she asks - the big thing that comes to my mind is swimming lessons. My parents live on the water and my mom wants all her grandchildren to be proficient swimmers from a young age, for safety reasons, so she is paying for the girls swim lessons so that she can be sure they take them. and then a few other things like that - she knows my brother and SIL are broke so she pays for my niece's soccer lessons, I think, again as part of "birthday presents" but really not - because she wants my niece to be active and she loves soccer (my niece does) and she doesn't want her to NOT be able to do it because of finances.
My mother is fanatically equal in most areas (there have been a few incidents lol) so I'm sure it will be the same when we have kids, as long as she is still working.
My MIL paid for 95% of my daughters formula and she bought us diapers quite a bit when she was younger. I purchase them through amazon now or she would buy them still, i'm sure.
My mom is our babysitter, 'nuff said.
Both buy throughout the year, MIL more indulgent.
ETA: We never asked nor expected MIL to purchase the items she did. She also isn't one to allow you to refuse and takes offense to it. My mom kept my nieces/nephews so I knew she was going to keep our child, but again we didn't expect her too.
lovelylittleworld
BFP#2 1/12/12 ~ Missed M/C 8w2d
As mentioned above DD is pretty young, so she's only bought the usual outfit and big holiday gifts. Occasionally, she'll see something out while we're shopping thinks that DD just has to have it. But it typically goes to her house when DD is over there.
My MIL also likes to throw money at things for DD to show her love. She doesn't live close by (in ohio) but is constantly wanting to get this or that for DD cause she did it for niece and nephew. She bought DD's crib and the typical baby shower and Christmas present gifts. But DH and I have tried to cut down on the excess crap she buys for DD since a) she doesn't need it and b) its unnecessary. She's coming to visit next weekend and I'm really scared what she's bought for DD in the past month and half.
God I only wish they paid for half of daycare. I know when DH lost his job his parents offered to help us with some bills, but we never took them up on that offer.
My parents/IL's will give A cash for her Birthday (aka college fund) or will buy her gifts here and there, but they don't normally pay for off the cuff things.
Pretty normal things like Christmas/birthday stuff. Maybe some small things here and there(like an Animal Baby subscription). Nothing too crazy. My MIL did buy tickets for Sesame Street Live once but that was a Christmas present for B, I think.
MIL gives us a little money every month for whatever child related expenses but that was something she started when B was a baby(for diapers and such).
My mom will occasionally buy clothes for the kids if the 2 of us go out.
We do go out to dinner with my parents or my MIL almost every week so we get a little spoiled then.
My parents are divorced - my mom picks stuff up for the kids constantly, all just little stuff that she happens across while out, and usually stuff she's heard me say I'm looking for. My dad and stepmom tend more towards just buying stuff for EVERY holiday - like for Halloween, rather than candy, they had a Halloween bag for DS filled w/ Graham crackers, a book, that sort of thing. Both will also pay for dinners/treats where they invite us to go somewhere.
My ILs don't tend towards random gifts, but always pick up the tab at restaurants and regularly make excuses to see DS that they need a Dairy Queen run or something.
They also babysat for us for a school year and generally are the ones to come babysit when we need someone now.
ALL of them go crazy at Christmas and birthdays.
... every single day of forever.
My mom buys DS stuff all the time. She is his daycare, so besides the necessities, while she is out, she will buy clothes and toys. Not sure when we go places, but I think I will pay for those with no question.
My IL's paid for all of the baby furniture in DS's room but that has been it except for holidays.
DH and I are both ONLY children. Our kids are the only grandkids. On my side they are also the first great-grandkids as I am the oldest of my cousins. They get spoiled. My MIL is very generous and not to just the kids, to my and my hubby as well. She takes me clothes shopping at the start of every school year. It took me a while to get comfortable with it, but it does make her happy. She likes the time that shopping brings with me and the kids. She is great about taking direction for holiday gifts and always asks if the kids need something.
We vacation with my parents and my Dad foots a good chunk of the bill. Again, this took me time, but my parents were teenagers when they had me ( I was a prom baby) my childhood was wonderful and I never wanted for anything, but it was also because I didn't know. They had no money. It was not until I was much older that they were in a good place. My father is generous because he is making up for what he "could not give me"
I am very independent, but I have learned to step away and see the joy it gives the grandparents to give things to us and the kids.
Geez, I wish my parents/ILs were as generous as some of the PPs here!
My parents will buy an outfit here and there for DD out of the blue, but they do get her a fair amount of things for birthdays (well, she's only had one bday) and christmas. Actually, they put money in her college fund instead of getting a lot of gifts, which is what we wanted. It would never occur to them to buy her furniture, diapers or formula (when she needed it).
My ILs show their love through gifts and possessions, so they go overboard on holidays and we end up returning a lot of things. We ask them to just give money, but they don't. (which is fine. They don't HAVE to give her anything at all, but she does not need a million toys so if you want to give her something, money for her college fund would be appreciated.)
ILs did buy our dresser when we were buying baby furniture. My SIL was pg before me and since her mom bought the crib, ILs felt the need to compete and buy the dresser. Then, they assumed my parents would buy our crib (which didn't happen) so they bought our dresser.
Everything is appreciated and we dont ever feel like we are entitled to anyone buying anything for our child - which I know wasn't the point of this post - we chose to have a child and so it's our responsibility to provide for her.
My mother will often show up with "treats" for my girls, but it is never anything lavish and she will take them out for special treat days....but that is a joint activity.
We did just get back from Disney World and my parents paid for one of my girls to get in the park and then gave them each money to buy a souvenir, but they said that was because they were not able to go themselves and they wanted the girls to have a great time. I chalk it all up to normal grand parenting behavior.
My ILs offered to pay for DDs nursery school and we gladly accepted - it's a co-op so it's very reasonable, but it's still nice not having to worry about it. I don't think they would pay if we chose to send DD to Montessori or a nursery school that was like 4k a year- but this works out great. Last year for DDs b-day my parents paid for a gymnastics class and both sets of grandparents want to pay for a spring activity as a b-day gift for her, which I think is great.
We have enough toys and clothes (only grandchildren on both sides and we get a lot of very nice hand-me-downs from various sources) so paying for an experience is a great gift that I encourage. Right now my FIL is still working and my mom is still working, I know once both couples are fully retired things will change.
My mom will bring random gifts when she sees the girls, little things like a little stuffed toy for D1 and a paci for D2. They are very random since D2 has never taken a paci and the stuffed toy was a pill, not an animal. Shes a nurse so I think she stops in the hospital gift shop every so often. They keep a budget for Christmas and birthdays of $100 for each girl and I'm glad they do and wouldn't mind if it was less.
MIL lives far far away and sends little trinkets and an outfit or two for birthdays and Christmas and then cash for us to buy gifts for the girls. But we just opened savings accounts for both girls and put the cash in there. It's better to have a college fund than another toy. MIL knows we do that these days and is happy about it. When she is here, it's like a 3 week gift bonanza and she buys little things for D1 on a daily basis. But it is what is is and we deal with it. She's actually really good with what she sends, Emily plays with all the stuff she sends and wears the clothes she picks out.