I Just found out that I'm pregnant again.. It shocked the crap out of me and has had me pretty scared the last few days. I'm only 20 and this is my third pregnancy. One of the biggest fears is that people will look down on me more because I am a young mom. I shouldnt care what people think of me but truth is humanity has a way of making me care weither I want to or not. I know people wonder if I know what birth control is and I am very aware of it. I was really trying hard to not get pregnant. This was not what I wanted for myself at this time. I am also pretty poor. We get state paid insurance and foodstamps. We moved to a crapy town about a year and a half ago because my mom begged us to follow them when they retired. This town doesnt have any oprotunities for us and leaves us stuck where we are. I don't know how to handle it finantually and dont want to teach my kids to ride off the government. We are in a hole and just want to get out of it....
..anyway, all of this has been on my mind and then I called to make a dr appointment for a dr an hour away after I found them through my insurance. They insisted that the only drs that accept my insurance were at one of their locations and are booked for a few months. Thats not what my insurance told me, they said there were dr with the same company in a few locations. I guess I took it as your poor we dont want to see you... Now I can't seem to stop crying because of one pathetic interaction. I'm stuck here in the town with no one to talk to other than my husband and just needed to get it out of my system. Sorry for the many spelling errors, while I'm upset my spelling goes out the window
Re: First Breakdown and it all hits...
Maybe a good birth control for you would be to not have sex. Just an idea. Or get fixed.
I worked at head start for over 6 yrs and saw alot of these same stories. I am pretty jaded on this issue so I am going to keep it simple. Look into your local Head Start and they will be able to help you. You also have to look into serious birth control. Also ask them about opportunities for help for school and a job hunt when the time is right. I can't tell you how many times I have seen this cycle go through families - over and over - young mothers having children (married or not - are you married?) but not being fully prepared for the child (CHILDREN) and getting their family into the rut of living off the gov. Government assistance is just that, assistance, not a way of life.
I wish you the best, I am hoping this is MUD, but unfortunately there are a lot of young girls out there with the same story.
Thank you for choosing life for you child, but you are a mother of three kids you have a lot of work to do to be an adequate parent. Find a place that will support you positively, like Head Start.
Yes, to the rest of the people reading this, I can be harsh, but it is how I feel and spare me the flames, she posted this on a public board and I have way too much history with these sort of stories than to sit quiet.
ALL of this.
Understood, but you have to understand that you're going to get both types of replies on a public message board.
Good luck to you and your babies.
Again... you posted this on a message board... you aren't talking to your girlfriend. I have no knowledge of you but what you write. You are 20 yrs old - when you are 30 you will see how young you were here.
Okay fine don't stop having sex with your husband, get pregnant again... go for it.
You came on here about your breakdown, I told you a place to go for real help. You have made your decisions and now you have some tough work ahead. Don't cry to me about how birth control fails... there are plenty of options INCLUDING understanding exactly how your body works in the reproductive areas - the more you know about yourself the better chance you have of not being in a situation like this. Sure I am harsh, but if it is sympathy and cuddling you want you will have to go elsewhere.
I am sure you are a very nice person. I hope for you that you live in a state like WI, we have a lot of people that get "assistance" for many many years... they have no problems!!
GOOD LUCK!
Here's the reality: If you're not in a position where you can afford/obtain birth control (the pill, an IUD, the patch, condoms, whatever) and you cannot afford to keep having kids and unplanned pregnancies, then short of celibacy, I don't know what other option you have. :
And if you're taking birth control and still getting pregnant because the birth control is failing, then my thought is one of two things: Either you're taking medication that renders the birth control useless (antibiotics will do this), or you're not taking it correctly.
I don't know your situation other than what's on this message board, but I do hope you have a healthy and happy 9 months.
partial molar pregnancy : bfp 6.28.10, d/c 8.17.10, 7 rounds methotrexate, cleared 7.1.11
alexander patrick : bfp 1.16.12, born 9.20.12 @ 39w1d, 7 lbs./11 oz./22 in.
scarlett irene elizabeth : bfp 5.24.13, born 2.3.14 @ 41w2d, 7 lbs./13 oz./19 in.
<quote>
Maybe a good birth control for you would be to not have sex. Just an idea. Or get fixed.
I worked at head start for over 6 yrs and saw alot of these same stories. I am pretty jaded on this issue so I am going to keep it simple. Look into your local Head Start and they will be able to help you. You also have to look into serious birth control. Also ask them about opportunities for help for school and a job hunt when the time is right. I can't tell you how many times I have seen this cycle go through families - over and over - young mothers having children (married or not - are you married?) but not being fully prepared for the child (CHILDREN) and getting their family into the rut of living off the gov. Government assistance is just that, assistance, not a way of life.
I wish you the best, I am hoping this is MUD, but unfortunately there are a lot of young girls out there with the same story.
Thank you for choosing life for you child, but you are a mother of three kids you have a lot of work to do to be an adequate parent. Find a place that will support you positively, like Head Start.
Yes, to the rest of the people reading this, I can be harsh, but it is how I feel and spare me the flames, she posted this on a public board and I have way too much history with these sort of stories than to sit quiet.
</quote>
Yep, THIS. I think it's pretty mild actually, what I wanted to say was way worse
Chase Matthew born at 35 weeks on July 31st
That was my first thought too.
say what you want but i am a real person sharing her life. if my struggles seem like a hoax i must be in the wrong place sorry for wasting time
say what you want but i am a real person sharing her life. if my struggles seem like a hoax i must be in the wrong place sorry for wasting time
I don't know what MUD is, but I will share my thoughts on this as well. First of all, I am the first one to rip the welfare system up one side and right down the other. I know TOO many people making their living off of government assistance, instead of using it as help until they can get on their feet (which realistically, is what it was intended for)
However, this girl is young and clearly know the mistakes she has made, she spelled them out in her OP. She also appears to know that she is not in the best situation for another child. But it has happened and there isn't much that can be done about. I don't think it is necessary to flame her to the point of tears. This is not the first person that I have witnessed being flamed into hiding and I guess I'm not sure why it's happening ? We are all different walks of life and all in different situations in life, so while I despise the "welfare employed", I would never do this. I realize this is a public message board, where everyone is entitled to an opinion, but I also thought it was here to support each other in a very roller coaster time in our lives ?
To the OP, I wish you a H & H 9 months. I wish the best for you and your family and as long as you are trying to better your situation as opposed to making a living off the government then who am I to judge ? Especially in today's economy.
Holy run on paragraph.
Most aren't judging !! And some think it's MUD I being one of them!
Lol if we arent buying the story how are we judging or being rude! Lol
thank you. this has meant a lot to me. When I reread the post they didn't seem so bad but during my breakdown it was the last thing i wanted to hear. I made it pretty hard. Not sure why because I have never been this emotional. I guess I just felt like I was looked as a bum that just wanted someone to talk to.
I created my profile while I was pregnant with my second son because I couldn't seem to have enough to read. I never felt comfortable posting until I felt like I needed someone to talk to. I've never felt as vulnerable and emotional as I do now.
Like I said, I don't know what MUD is. Things that are being said aren't horrible, but they are a touch judgemental and I'm just saying, it's not that first time I have seen it happen, so I just wanted to speak up. I have nothing invested in this matter one way or another.
Not true. I say this about a lot of people all the time!
I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt. You are pregnant, so a bunch of people telling you not to have sex is not helpful.
Firstly, take a deep breath, it's not good for you, your babies or DH if you are this upset.
If you want advice, here it comes, you need a plan. In your first post you said your parents asked you to move with them and you declined. I might reconsider. You have two young children and a third on the way, and neither you or your H are making enough to make ends meet. This isn't about pride, it is about family helping family and you need help.
You guys need help. Even if you lived with them for a year, hard as it may be, it might put you on the road to financial recovery and independence.
You stated that you don't have a college degree, but what about your H? Or a trade school? In order to increase your income to have the financial stability you seek you need to possess a skill, and frankly, it sounds like neither of you do. If you potentially move in with your parents, your H could go back to school to learn a trade. My Uncle was a plumber and made millions, I am not kidding. Plus trade school do help with tuition assistance. I would go to Money Matters on The Nest and post your budget. Those ladies might be able to help you find a few extra dollars.
Your young, you have your whole life ahead of you. I am 10 years older than you and only now pregnant with my first. I can't imagine being in your shoes. But I would try to create a plan to better your future and that means sacrifice that may come in many forms: privacy (if you move in with your parents), pride, long hours of work and school perhaps, but this will be short term for a long term gain: keep your eye on the prize.
And yes, following this pregnancy, go to Planned Parenthood. I have a friend who is a very fertile, and they use two forms of BC to prevent. I might suggest a similar route to you.
Lastly, this is a message board. People are going to be mean as well as nice, you need to take everyone comments with a grain of salt and do what is best for you and your family. Good luck.
Here's a thought:
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/4236700/ShowForum.aspx
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
Definitely something to think about. You are young and seemingly can't afford another child. Adoption may be the best thing for this child at this point.
Regardless, learn to use 2 forms of birth control and avoid having sex during your fertile times and maybe you'll have a better shot at not getting pregnant unexpectedly again. I know you love those babies but you're never going to get yourself up off the ground if you keep having more before you get your life situated.
Well, here we go again, with the simple explanation that you posted this one a public message board, you brought all of this up, and now you don't like the response. Really?
I know I came off harsh, but AGAIN, without your run-on paragraph I don't know anything about you... now after the paragraph, I see some more things, yet I am worried to comment, because you probably won't like what I have to say.
Give me a break about the pill or whatever you were using "not working" like everyone else has pointed out, that is not reality - sure there is a 1% chance it could be faulty, but I don't buy it. I used birth control from the time I was 16 until I had my first child - never once had a scare, let alone a pregnancy. Like another poster said, either you did something to make it faulty or you aren't using it correctly.
You can take my posts anyway you want, but I have found the real people who give a sh*t aren't the ones that hold you hand and say "ohhh it is okay" they may make you feel good and help you justify, but they really aren't HELPING you in your situation.
It is unfortunate either you SAY Head Start can't help you anymore, OR your Head Start is dropping the ball. You can get free preschool, free early childhood education when you are pregnant and have a baby, donated clothes, financial assistance and support for schooling, donated food, and help finding assistance for housing, electricity, transportation... you name it they dish it out. So like I said, I find it difficult to believe that Head Start can't help you, they are gov ran and the others in this country should be ran the way the same way I ran mine. Maybe you should go back and get some pamphlets to see what you can get.
Stop the pitty party, see where you can get support and help to get back to where you need to be. Go move in with your parents, get assistance, get yourself fixed or more serious birth control or yea, tone it down in that "passionate" relationship you have (my huband looks at me and I am pregnant, so we had to be careful and plan. all of our children have been planned and yes at times, we had to tone it down becuase we couldn't AFFORD to have a child at certain times, we survived).
You are young, you are pregnant, I never pointed a finger at you and said you were a bad person, so get over it. I just gave you information you didn't like, but it is honest and I wish the best for you. But remember next time you want to go to a place where everyong will say "poor you" don't come here or if you do be prepared for some responces that you don't like.